All posts tagged family


Published 05/28/2016 by MoonieZ


I’m back to haunt you once more. Just when you thought it safe to return to this deserted blog on the edge of town. Not far from the darkness that dwells there.

Anyway, I’ve had some interesting days to say the least.

Many laps around the rollercoaster called life lately. Many different feelings. Highs and lows.

Some matters have been resolved, some are pending and some remains to be seen where they end up.

Still, the question of where to live, where to move to, remains ro be resolved. I’m still not sure what I really want to do but I’m not alone in making the change. My brothers have a say in it also.

Getting help from the municipality seems to be a long struggle where the eventual outcome is highly uncertain.

Finding a place to rent is not easy, and buying one in the current market is very expensive. So, to make a long story short, I’m kind of stuck where I am for the time being.

I feel a lot of stress due to this situation, and I’m not sure anyone else really understand how I feel. My ASD is not making having an uncertain future any easier or less stressful.

Luckily I have some nice people to communicate with who help take my mind off of the stress and let me have fun and enjoy myself. I’m very  grateful to have them around.

Perhaps I could manage without friends but I feel it makes life easier to have a few. Most of my life I haven’t had many friends. Most of the time only one or two or none at all.

I don’t find friends easily, and I have some trouble keeping them. I have trouble with social interactions and don’t like being around many people at once.

One at a time, works best for me. Not always easy to explain to everyone I happen to meet.

Summer is around the corner. Some beautiful warm days have already passed by but I hope the best is yet to come.

Then there is the matter of grief. One thinks it will fade away through the passing of time but it doesn’t work that way. I’d say it starts to sink its claws in you when you think it has disappeared. Every month around the 22nd, I have a minor breakdown. I think I will always feel that way. I know I will always miss my parents, and perhaps my mother more than my father because I spent more time with my mother and because my mother’s passing happened so fast. There was no way to say goodbye.

I find that music helps a lot to sort out all kinds of feelings.


Published 05/18/2016 by MoonieZ

Hey, readers!

Been a few emotional days lately. For me. What it has been like for you, I haven’t got a clue about.

Anyway, yesterday I helped put my mother (or her ashes) in her final resting place next to my father.

Me and my brothers were all gathered for the simple ceremony of carrying the wooden urn from the church to the grave. My maternal uncle and my oldest nephew were also present. I was the one to set the urn into the ground. Somehow, after doing that I felt all at peace. I knew that it was all done, the interment was the final step in the whole burial ceremony. Now, I can move on forward. A kind of relief.

After a coffee break at the local coffee-house, I spent the rest of the day with my brother the drummer/chef. We talked, cooked dinner, listened to music and relaxed.

This morning I woke up rather early and spent a few hours talking to my brother until our uncle called and invited us out for lunch.

We went by car to a nice restaurant and had a nice lunch, including dessert and coffee. Then some grocery shopping before heading home. The weather today has been fabulous. Sunny and warm.

My brother has gone to see an old friend from his youth, and I’ve had a few slush mojitos before starting to write this rather dull update.

All that remains is to end it.

Oh, I know the headline is “Emotions” but I think the emotions are present without being spelled out. Then again, I could be wrong.


My birthday 2015

Published 09/13/2015 by MoonieZ

What’s another year…..

My birthday came and went. All the usual suspects showed up and some congratulated via Facebook. Some didn’t do anything at all. Just as every year.

I made the sandwich cake myself this year instead of buying one from the store. Just to show the world I can get things done – if I really want to.

I got a nice pair of shoes from my uncle, and a fine sweater from one of my cousins.My oldest brother brought flowers.  Not that I really need any presents at this age. Still nice that they made the effort to get me some things. The best was that they showed up.

Happy New Year 2013

Published 12/31/2012 by MoonieZ

Well, time to let go of the old and welcome the new again. Another year over and what have I learned?

That  no matter what, wishful thinking is not enough if I really want things to change.

Yet, I haven’t just been thinking, I have also made efforts. Done what I can. And, I’m going to keep on doing what I can to make some changes happen.

My goals for 2013 aren’t many, and I’m not making any resolutions at all. I will let it all be whatever it will be.

Today, this last day of the year 2012, I celebrate and wish all my family, relatives and friends a Happy New Years Eve and a safe celebration wherever they may be.

Tomorrow I start working on making 2013 a better year.

Not that 2012 was all bad. Far from it. My family and friends made it a good year, at least made parts of it really good.

I’m happy for those good times and hope for more of them during 2013.  The bad times I will not think about and I hope there’ll be less of those in the new year.

Last but not least: life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone

Happy New Year everyone! Stay safe and have fun!

And now, the news

Published 09/15/2012 by MoonieZ

Ok, I’m a year older. My birthday came and went.

I got greetings from friends on the internet, they really made me happy. Every time it happens, I’m always surprised to see that so many actually care about me. I know I shouldn’t be so surprised but sometimes I tend to forget there are people who care about me. I tend to want to dwell in misery all on my own and think that the world has forgotten about me. Don’t ask me why I’m still so stupid, I really wish I could stop thinking that way.

My family and relatives greeted me on Facebook. My aunt and uncle and one of cousins visited me. My brother the chef called me on the phone. My other uncle sent a greeting card.

All in all it was a fine day.

The rest of the week was kind of average. On Monday I went to a small town outside of Stockholm to apply for a job.  On Tuesday I was at the office doing some writing and discussing. In the evening I helped my mother bake some for my birthday. On Wednesday – my birthday – I went to the small town again to apply for another job. On the way home I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some things for my birthday party. Got home, rested a bit, then started to set the table and get things ready before the guests arrived.

On Thursday, I worked at home. Did some writing, and other things. On Friday I was back at the office and continued to work on my blog project. I also applied for some work.

In the evening I watched TV and a movie  and looked around on the internet. Went to sleep late.

Today I woke up early thinking I had to get up and go to work before I remembered I had nowhere to go and that it is Saturday anyway. Fell asleep again and finally got up around 11 am.  Read the newspaper, then got some work clothes on and went out to work in the yard until the afternoon.

Had some pain in my stomach so went inside to rest before dinner.

After dinner, I’ve spent the rest of the evening reading, listening to music and looking around the internet. Maybe I’ll find a movie to watch later on.

In times of trouble and misery

Published 08/31/2012 by MoonieZ


Not having the best of days. Today I’m at home, due to not feeling well. I have stomach pains that started yesterday and only kept me annoyed through the  evening and night. Woke up feeling sick and having the same pain, so I had no choice but to call in sick to the office where I spend my days as a part of a government program for the unemployed.  First time in two years I’ve had to stay at home due to illness. I’m mostly not ill, even if I have had my share of health problems over the years.

It was the same for most of the years when I had a job. I was very rarely forced to stay at home due to illness. Until the problems with my legs hit me in the spring of 2001. Then  some bad years followed, but since the spring of 2006 I’ve been back to being ill only for a few days a year at the most. At least I’ve not had to stay at home due to illness more than that but I’ve certainly felt unwell a lot more often without being really ill.

I missed out on seeing friends online both last night and today and that has not helped me to feel better. Neither does the weather. Only rain and clouds today. Supposed to rain all day and evening, not ending until tomorrow.

Some might say it’s a perfect time to be ill when there’s nothing to do but stay indoors anyway. I disagree. If I was feeling all ok I would be busy getting ready for my brother arriving to visit tomorrow. Now I don’t even know if I’ll be well enough to enjoy that as much I would like.

Still, at times like these, it’s good to remember it isn’t the end of the world even if it feels like it at the moment.

During this week I have spent some evenings watching the three Jason Bourne movies starring Matt Damon. I liked them all and found the story thrilling all the way to the end.

Yesterday morning I helped my mother go to the doctor to have her eyes examined and operations scheduled. Turned out my mother has lost almost half of her eyesight so having surgery to restore some of that will certainly be helpful.

Later we did some grocery shopping but by then I was in so much pain that I almost threw up when I had returned home.

I know, I ought to see a doctor but I’m still thinking this will go away by itself. It has done so before but only to return. Then go away again.

Then there’s the feeling of already having too many problems to deal with that sort of stops me from getting the energy to take on one more. Probably makes no sense but it makes sense to me. I have walked enough miles in my shoes to know.



July 21, 2012

Published 07/21/2012 by MoonieZ


Today I got up at around 5 am. Visited a chatroom and spent some time talking to a friend. Then went back to sleep again at around 7am and woke up again at around 10am.

Got up and had breakfast with my mother and my niece. Nephew was asleep until past 12 am. Seems they both had very little sleep on the night before travelling here from the south of Sweden.

They got ready and went to the city to visit the amusement park. I decided not to go with them, as I feel a bit tired and prefer to rest. Also had some garden work to do.

Yesterday afternoon my other nephew and his baby daughter also visited. It was nice to have them all here.

We had different kinds of fish, potatoes and vegetables for dinner.

Later in the evening, my niece and nephew went to sleep while I spent some time at my computer writing job applications. I also looked around the internet and watched the latest episode of Louie.

Ended my evening in a chatroom.

All in all a good day.


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