I’m back to haunt you once more. Just when you thought it safe to return to this deserted blog on the edge of town. Not far from the darkness that dwells there.
Anyway, I’ve had some interesting days to say the least.
Many laps around the rollercoaster called life lately. Many different feelings. Highs and lows.
Some matters have been resolved, some are pending and some remains to be seen where they end up.
Still, the question of where to live, where to move to, remains ro be resolved. I’m still not sure what I really want to do but I’m not alone in making the change. My brothers have a say in it also.
Getting help from the municipality seems to be a long struggle where the eventual outcome is highly uncertain.
Finding a place to rent is not easy, and buying one in the current market is very expensive. So, to make a long story short, I’m kind of stuck where I am for the time being.
I feel a lot of stress due to this situation, and I’m not sure anyone else really understand how I feel. My ASD is not making having an uncertain future any easier or less stressful.
Luckily I have some nice people to communicate with who help take my mind off of the stress and let me have fun and enjoy myself. I’m very grateful to have them around.
Perhaps I could manage without friends but I feel it makes life easier to have a few. Most of my life I haven’t had many friends. Most of the time only one or two or none at all.
I don’t find friends easily, and I have some trouble keeping them. I have trouble with social interactions and don’t like being around many people at once.
One at a time, works best for me. Not always easy to explain to everyone I happen to meet.
Summer is around the corner. Some beautiful warm days have already passed by but I hope the best is yet to come.
Then there is the matter of grief. One thinks it will fade away through the passing of time but it doesn’t work that way. I’d say it starts to sink its claws in you when you think it has disappeared. Every month around the 22nd, I have a minor breakdown. I think I will always feel that way. I know I will always miss my parents, and perhaps my mother more than my father because I spent more time with my mother and because my mother’s passing happened so fast. There was no way to say goodbye.
I find that music helps a lot to sort out all kinds of feelings.