All posts tagged YouTube

I’m the one to blame

Published 09/26/2014 by MoonieZ

for all my troubles. Of course I am. It’s all my fault. All the blame falls on my shoulders. I mean what would the world be like if it wasn’t all my fault. Don’t even dare to go there! Nothing would work if I wasn’t to blame for everything. All me, all my doing. Or – not doing. Depending on the situation at hand.

After thinking about it for a few weeks it dawned on me that I’ve been wrong in thinking I could point any fingers except at myself. How could I be so stupid to even think for a minute that I could blame anything or anyone else, ever?

Well, we all make our mistakes but mostly I make them.

So, now you can rest easy, as I have assumed all the blame for my situation. No one else needs to bother. Or worry. I’ll go quietly to sort this out on my own.

End of message.

Btw, I happened to listen to this song just now, after finding it on YouTube and on Spotify (though after I first published this, the song is no longer available at Spotify). I like it. Kind of reminds me of things from my life past and present. Mostly it reminds of feelings I have had in connection with things happening in my life.

Shayna Leigh – Drive(Back to Where You Lived)

Words at random

Published 01/18/2014 by MoonieZ

Evening! Or night. rather, as it is past midnight when this is written – or typed.  Best to be honest, never know who might be reading this. That’s the beauty of a public blog. I never know who reads it or when or where they do it. Of course I know of some who reads it  – the ones who lets me know about it by leaving comments or sends me tweets or email. But those aren’t that many, and I know I have some followers of this blog so I suppose they read it – at least from time to time. Then there are those who arrive at my blog at random, from all over the world. I never know who they are but I notice they have been here.

Funny, when I started back in the summer of 2005, I didn’t think anyone would bother to read anything here. Or at least not many and not a lot. In fact, I only started because of one person asking me if I was doing anything creative. She’s still around the internet, I still see her online from time to time. Probably I have written this before but I’ll do it once more just to say thanks for the inspiration to get me started. Who knows if I’d still be here typing almost nine years later if I had never entered that chat room over at that site and started talking.

Lately, I have found my blog to be lacking in good writing. I don’t post a lot, and when I do I find my texts to be short, shallow and mostly pointless parades of random words. Not like it used to be. Over the years I have published some very personal texts dealing with my life in many ways.

Dreams don’t come true if they’re not pursued. Dreaming it is not enough. You have to chase the dream. Catch it and make it real. I have just been dreaming my life away, never getting started. Probably my fear of failure is to blame, which means the only person I can point my finger at is me, myself and I. My fault. All my fault.

Never got going, never wanted it bad enough to run after it and risk not catching up to it. Rather just keep dreaming while time runs away.

Same story about almost everything.  Like love. Don’t even get me started on that topic. Endless row of failures, of maybe I ought to but what if I fail type of moments.

Been chasing love in all the wrong places with all the wrong tools. In fact, have yet to figure out how to chase it down at all. How the damn game is played.

So, stuck at watching John Hughes old movies and let my thoughts shake hands with my memories of youth while my dreams of romance slips its damp hand into mine and takes me for a stroll in dreamland.

Yeah, at least there’s one genius in the family: my oldest nephew – the music video director.  Below this text of mine you’ll find a new directing and editing effort of his.

So damn proud of him. When we grew up, he was like my little brother more than he was my nephew and I always knew he’d get where he wanted to go. Wouldn’t let anything stop him. Unlike me he seems to have managed his fears of failure, been courageous enough to keep on going no matter how long or how hard the road.

Veronica Maggio – Hela huset (ft. Håkan Hellström)


Published 12/18/2013 by MoonieZ

Spent today cleaning up in my small home. Trying to get rid of  some clutter and junk so that I can look around without wanting to cringe in disgust. I think I did a decent job. Not all done, but very nearly done.

The good news of the day was announced by my oldest nephew, the music video director, on his Facebook page. He has been nominated for a Swedish Grammis (Grammy) award in the category Best Music Video of the Year. I feel very happy and proud. Of course I hope he will win the award, but even to be nominated is a great achievement.

This is the video that has been nominated:

Näääk feat Nimo – Vi Är Kvar Här

So, with all this success all around me among family and relatives, I must admit I sometimes feel like the black sheep of the lot. Like a slacker, underachiever. Loser.

I know I should not bother listening to those thoughts, but I can’t pretend they aren’t there.

All I can do is to keep on keeping on. One day my luck will turn.

Almost December

Published 11/25/2013 by MoonieZ

Yes I know. Been away too long from here. Actually I’m here almost every day thinking I ought to write something, but I end up not doing it. Reason? Well, I don’t have much news and the state I’m in now is kind of depressing. So, I feel like I shouldn’t write about feeling blue and alone too much because I think I have done that too often and nobody likes a pessimist much these days, or any day at all.

Which means that until I can write something positive I’ll just remain silent. Maybe I’ll post some songs or some video I might find on YouTube but that’s all.

Anyway, while I’m here I might aswell write some about the current situation. Still no employment, still getting by on the bare minimum of government aid. Still alone. Still working on changing all of that. Not really having the hope anymore but still trying to get myself moving forward day by day.

One ray of light is the office newsletter. I’m contributing some reviews and other texts about movies. I also have some other ideas that I will pitch to the editors soon.  Working on the newsletter has got my creativity back up again. Always a good thing.

What else -without my family, relatives and internet friends I wouldn’t be much good at all. They keep me going.

Also music, movies and television shows. Always give me ideas for things to write.

That’s all folks!

Today I started watching Breaking Bad. Other TV I’m following includes The Walking Dead and The Sons of Anarchy.

The darkness of winter is at full force. Days are short of daylight and nights are long. It adds to my feeling down and out but there’s only one way to deal with it: endure.  Around the end of March it will be over.

“Right Beside You”

Published 11/25/2013 by MoonieZ

It may have taken me some years to find this song but as soon as I did, it found its way straight to my heart & soul. So, without any further introduction,here’s yet another of my favorite songs:

Sophie B. HawkinsRight Beside You  (from the album Whaler)

(source: Spotify)

Trying out a new feature

Published 04/24/2012 by MoonieZ

I really like being able to embed songs from Spotify in my blog posts. Makes sharing and discussing music much easier. No longer have to look for YouTube links in order to share my favorite songs.

Sonny Landreth has been a favorite ever since I first heard him play on some records by Beausoleil back in the late 1980’s. Then I picked up his album Outward Bound and happened to see him perform live as the opening act for Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes at a small club  in Stockholm 1992.

Enough of this

Published 12/07/2011 by MoonieZ

OK. Time to take a deep breath and relax. I’ve been like a wreck for two days now, more or less. What started it I’m not sure of. Some small reminder of  low self-esteem or something. The usual suspects. Last week I was feeling so good about life. Actually, I went into the weekend feeling good about most things except some small problems I have yet to solve. Then I don’t know what happened. I let myself run wild with imagination and fear. My old faults came back to haunt me once more. Thinking about it today I see how I have been this way before and how I manage to behave so much like a child. I like to see myself in control of my feelings and my thoughts. Someone who thinks before speaking but these past days I’ve been both silently sad and angry and also speaking my mind without thought. Now I most of all wish I could go back and change everything for the better. I also wish I could learn to not do this again and again. I also wish I could stop taking myself so seriously. I wish I was better at everything to do with other people, but I can’t seem to learn. Somehow I think I’m fine and then I fall down again and have to start over.

Probably I’m in the wrong place looking for the wrong things instead of just enjoying myself. I was reading about it at a forum last evening. Before I thought that idea was wrong but now I’m beginning to see that I’ve been wrong and that idea is the right way to handle it. My approach from the start wasn’t what it might seem like but I allowed it to become what it shouldn’t have and I know that is a part of my problem. However being who I am and feeling the way I do I can’t change just because I can see its wrong in this situation. Too late to rewind the tape and start over. What I can do and must really try to do better is to deal with it in a responsible and sensible manner from now on.  No more of this foolishness. I have promised myself this before and I’ve not been able to keep it but I will do my best once more.

What makes me sad is that this probably won’t make any sense to anyone except me but I really don’t know how to describe it in a better way. All I really want is to put my sadness behind me along with my depressive state of mind and return to my normal way of being. I like myself better that way but I know my dark feelings and thoughts are also a part of who I am. Only not the big part and not the part I want others to see. Makes no sense.

How about I stop whining and pity myself and start looking out instead of in? Good idea, I think I will do that. Maybe I’ll be able to smile and be of some good for somebody instead.

Trust. That seems to be hard to learn to do. I have to learn, I thought I had but I prove to myself time and time again that I haven’t.

Peace out.


Today a year ago

Published 10/30/2011 by MoonieZ

I had a look back at what I posted on this date last year. Seems I made three posts. The first one was about what I did that day, a Saturday. Seems I didn’t do much of anything except hanging out at home and online. The second post was  a video from YouTube featuring The Axis of Awesome performing their famous Four Chord Song. The third one was a post about Ry Cooder‘s music which included links to two videos from YouTube.

I have to admit I don’t use YouTube as much as used to. I still look at videos of songs on there but not often and only if I can’t find a certain song on Spotify. Sometimes when I’m bored I do look at other types of videos at YouTube or when some friend or celeb has posted a clip they want to share.


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