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The unexpected

Published 11/05/2017 by MoonieZ

Most of the time I have no clue where I’ll end up when I start to write. Sometimes that works very well but at other times the result is just a mess of unfinished ideas.

What this will end up being is impossible to tell at this stage.

Same feeling of not knowing what will be or even happen next is what I’ve got when I see my new friend online.

Even as I like the constant status of never knowing what will happen next , it doesn’t always sit well with my anxiety and worry about not being able to predict what will happen. At times I succumb to a lot of emotional stress but I do my best to fight it.

The overall feeling is happiness after all. Perhaps even a level of happiness I have never experienced before. So spending time with my friend is most likely only good for me. Despite the fact that I sometimes worry a lot.

However, I think I’m also learning to handle my fears and worries about the unpredictable unknown through the interaction with my friend. So, I’m positive about the whole experience. Even if it drains a lot energy from me it also gives me energy and makes the rest of my life easier to handle.  I’m not feeling all alone anymore.  I have something to care about – and someone to care about. It takes me away from only thinking about my problems and worrying about them. Instead I can focus on others, and on having fun.

Surely, I could do this without the internet and the online world but even if it’s a mediated experience it’s still about social interaction and dealing with real thoughts and feelings so I do think it’s all good in the end.

Still I’m sometimes surprised about all of this and find myself wondering if it’s just” a dream I will eventually wake up from,  but then I remember it is actually really happening here and now.

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Some more

Published 11/05/2017 by MoonieZ

There comes a time when you…. know the time has come to raise….your keyboard and start to type yet again.

What about, is not entirely clear.

The reader might remember a previous update about a new friend I have been spending a lot time with for the past two months. If the reader can’t remember that update, it doesn’t matter.

To spend all this time keeps me on my toes, as I’m constantly learning a lot of things about myself, about her and life in general.

Often I find myself going outside of my comfort zone to try things I never thought I would ever consider doing. I find it to be more fun than I expected.

All of this makes me feel so much more alive.  The only worry I have is that it won’t last forever.

 

Tuesday in October

Published 10/17/2017 by MoonieZ

Oh well, I’m back.

Thinking I should write something. Sometimes it works. Writing, that is. Thinking – not so much.

Yesterday was Monday. It had its ups and downs but ended on the upside. I worked through something important with a friend and it felt very rewarding for me that it didn’t end in a disaster. I have made so many mistakes that have ended with total failure, so I was almost surprised I managed to think straight enough to avoid that outcome.

The evening was fun and ended up being epic. One of those Mondays that will spawn legends. If there is any justice left in the world.

I got to sleep late but with a big smile on my face.

Hey, this is supposed to be about Tuesday!  Hold your horses, I’m getting there. Slowly.

Well, Tuesday started with me waking up. probably Tuesday started anyway but it sounds a bit more royal to write that the day starts when the king rises from his bed.

And you want to abolish the monarchy? Hypocrite! Do you mind? I’m trying to be creative  here.

Creative?! Bah, humbug!  You know you got a big mouth for being a figment of my imagination?

Well, somebody has to say it since you obviously can’t! Exactly what is it I can’t say?

Lots! Take that girl you like so much, for example, how do you think that will end?!

End? What are you on about? You obviously don’t have a clue. 

About what? See, this is what I’m talking about!  I think you should stop speaking in riddles. If you can’t understand it’s not my fault – you created me.

Yes, I did. And I can also shut you up. You wouldn’t dare! In fact you

So, time to move on.

Where was I? Oh yes, Tuesday.

After rising, I sat down. Then it gets slightly hazy but I seem to have relocated to some kind of armchair. Probably by using some kind of movement.

The next thing I remember is starting to write this piece of what some would call writing.

There you go.

To be continued….. (maybe)

Still not impressed. Nobody asked you.

Somebody new

Published 10/14/2017 by MoonieZ

Let me tell you this, readers, writing this wasn’t easy.  First, I thought I had a brilliant idea to write all this in Swedish. That was before I actually started. Then, as I started, it dawned on me how it would seem odd to suddenly write in Swedish at this blog, which has only seen one text in Swedish during its entire existence. So, after a day or two of thinking about it, I decided English is the only way to go.

Thinking about what to write has also proved to make it difficult to even start. To get out of that situation I simply write what comes to mind. Regardless of what I think about it.

I see no other way to get this all out of head and into a block of text.

A Friday was the day it all started. I was having a slow day doing a lot of nothing and got the sudden idea to check out the new faces of the chat site I used to visit occasionally.

So, I browsed through the section of new arrivals and suddenly a certain screen name caught my eye. The first part of it was identical to my own and that made me curious to find out if it was indeed true and not false like the case had often been in the past with people claiming to be Swedish.

So I went in, just to see if I could find out.

Now, I must admit, my first reaction to what I saw did not make me all that interested in staying. The person in front of the camera did strike me as not that nice or interesting but I still decided to chat and drop some tokens. After all , I had nothing better to do.

How I found out she actually is Swedish, I can’t recall but I know I did receive a private message asking me if I’m Swedish and after that a conversation started. I must have started to enjoy myself because I stayed in the room about four hours that first day.

That very first impression proved to be wrong. She is actually nothing like the sort I first thought. And that probably contributed to the fact that I returned the next day and stayed even longer.

But, after those two days, I did stay away for twelve days. Why that happened was probably because I was trying to avoid falling back into my old habit of spending huge amounts of time and (from time to time ) lots of money at this site.

However, I must have liked my first two days, because after nearly two weeks away I went back and from then onwards for like almost a month I spent lots of time having fun and getting to know this person.

At first our conversations were all in English but after a while that changed and our private conversations started to be in Swedish. I can’t stress enough how good it felt to finally hear my native language spoken and see it typed at that site. For so many years, all my chat conversations had always been in English, no matter the nationality of the person I spoke with. For a long time I had also enjoyed it and actually avoided Swedish even when fellow Swedes had used it in chats I had been a  part of. I even avoided to admit being from Sweden.

Now, however, Swedish really spoke to me in many ways it had not done for so many years before.

Also, the way she speaks Swedish, the sound, the accent, the melody of her voice immediately caught me and only made me want to hear it again and again.

Needless to say, I quickly forgot all about everything else around me and focused all my attention on the person in front of me and on getting to know as much as possible about her.

Who I found is someone completely different from my first faulty impression. At first I would never have guessed she has such a great amount of talent, creativity and positive energy but it dawned on me during the many hours I spent with her.

Not only was it fun, it also challenged me to change. Or, rather, she inspired and challenged me to start changing my thinking into a more positive direction.

Her almost limitless positive energy and constant happy outlook on everything started to rub off on me and for that I’m eternally grateful. It has given me reason to question myself and to evolve after being kind of stuck in some rather negative modes of thinking about myself and things that happen.

Though most of all she is incredibly creative and artistic. And fun to be around. You never know what she will do or say, or  where her creative ideas will take her and you. For me, being stuck in routine and structure as I am, this impulsive creativity can sometimes seem confusing and hard to follow but it also teaches me to be less afraid of not being able to predict what will happen. Have I also mentioned how beautiful and attractive she is? I haven’t ? Perhaps that goes without saying. Not that I think its her very best feature. Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful but its her soul that really makes her beauty shine.

Her amazing personality is what keeps me coming back, what draws me in. Yet, it’s not so easy to define which lends a certain mystery to her being. Something I find even more attractive than the pure physical beauty she also possesses a lot of. Without being flawless, mind you. It would be easy to wax on about her being perfect in every aspect but that’s not how it is. I don’t believe in the concept of a perfect human being anyway. What appeals to me are always the small imperfections that make every person unique.

She certainly is a one of a kind person and I’m very happy  and feel very lucky to have gotten to know her over the past month. Still I feel there is lots more to know and she constantly surprises me with new aspects of herself that adds to the overall image of the person she is. And even if the pieces not always seem to fit straight away they reveal a very interesting soul.

Shouldn’t, but will anyway

Published 05/03/2016 by MoonieZ

The best thing to do, would be not to write this but I’m not able to contain myself when some people just makes me want to express myself any way I can. The only way I know is in writing.
I had a stab at drawing comics & cartoons at one point in time when I was still in school but I already knew writing is my thing. Not that I think I’m any good, but I get by. And there are lots of stories unpublished from the times when I wrote fiction and not much else. Then I gave up on the fiction.
Except for a blog post or two.

Now I only spill my thoughts and feelings out. Here. This blog which I have kept going for 11 years next month. Without friends online it would never have started. Without friends online it would not have lasted this long.

So, I have to say that meeting new people online, wherever it happens, and how, is always inspiring the urge to write. Something. Anything.

However, my somewhat complicated communication skills make me doubt myself more often than not. The process of learning what comes naturally to most, is a challenge on a daily basis. Not going to dwell on that just now, though.

The reason I write this, is because I feel happy for the first time in a long time. Happy to have fun, happy to chat, happy to make jokes and play the clown or fool or court jester or whatever. Happy to be me. Happy to be alive.

Maybe it has to do with Spring coming around, the Sun being back. The warm weather. The light.

Whatever, in this case I know it to be all because of one individual. She’s a gem. At least that’s how I see it. Most likely because I feel good seeing it that way. It brings the joy of being alive back. Not when I expected it. But probably when I needed it. Anyway, I’m simply grateful for it happening.

Now I should take a chill pill and go to sleep. Due to my past, that course of action is the only sensible one. Readers of my blog will know that I have managed to go overboard on several occasions with disasters as a result.

Not this time. This time, I play my part and keep myself under wraps. Better for me, better for everyone.

So many words, so little meaning. Sorry, at least I’m being honest. I’m complicated. Only my own fault.

One friend used to tell me to not bash myself into the ground. Not only one but two friends told me that. I should not think less of myself. So now I try but I can’t say I don’t struggle with it all the time. So easy to fall into it. To feel like I’m of no use just because I stumble on the road of life, now and then.

What’s my point? No idea, but thanks for reading.

A problem or not?

Published 08/24/2014 by MoonieZ

Too many selfies.  

Too many cat/dog pics in your feed.

Don’t post photos of your food.

Don’t tell us what you listen to.

Don’t reblog/re-tweet too often.

Do this, don’t do that.

Don’t be negative, don’t tell it like it is cause no one wants to hear it. Sugar coat it. 

Keep your feelings/thoughts  to yourself unless you are always happy and love the world around you.

No drama, ever.

Don’t tell the world you still live with your parents….if you’re above 18 years old.

What happened to live and let live? Allow everyone to be who they are or want to be, since I’m sure you’d like to have that right for yourself? Sometimes all this policing of how to be or not to be in the social media channels make me want to stop using any of them at all.

How about tolerance as a guide?

How about to simply unfollow the things you don’t like to see and/or read and let it be? Or block that account and be done.  Or in the very serious cases of suspected illegal, offensive stuff, report it, then block or unfollow.

Why keep posting about how others ought to change their ways of using social media in order to suit your taste?

I know, I’m doing the same thing now that I don’t like to see  others doing but I swear I won’t mention this topic again after this post (at least not for a while). Besides, nobody reads blogs anymore. Yesterday’s news.

Yes, I know I shouldn’t let any of this bother me, but I’m not perfect – I’m human.

Today I woke up in a slightly off mood.  Deal with it. Or not.  The choice is yours. Just don’t tell me I shouldn’t post it on my blog  because you think it’s not to your liking.

Sunday morning

Published 08/17/2014 by MoonieZ

Hi.

Woke up early but still it was almost too late.  However, the first activity this morning – after getting up and going to the computer to say hi to a new friend – was to engage in a relaxed but intense masturbation session.  It had been a while since I had a really good one so I made the best of the morning wood. Also helped to take my mind off of the awful headlines about attacks, violence, disasters, murder and war  filling my favorite news media sites. Decided to deal with them later.

The resulting orgasm was rather satisfying, even though I rarely take the time to analyze or rate the experience. I’m a guy, I don’t think much about the concept while I’m at it (or at all), I simply expect a certain amount of manual labor and manipulation of a certain part of my body to result in a climactic release of fluid. I leave the deep philosophic aspects of  the subject to humans of the female persuasion.

Then I had a cookie for breakfast.

Soon enough I was working my way through the timelines of my social media services: Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr while also keeping an eye at a cam chat site.  In the back of my mind a thought was lurking. a thought about writing this text you are now reading.  I used to write these more often but this year they have been mostly absent from my blog. The need to write has not been that great but maybe it has started to grow again.

Meanwhile the neighborhood was so quiet I imagined being the last living person on Earth. Then I thought, that idea has been done too many times, don’t go there. So I didn’t. Instead I thought about turning some music on, really loud, but decided against that idea. No reason to provoke the neighbors, never know how long they will want to pay the taxes that help pay for the small economic benefits I depend on for  my survival.

I ended up writing this text. That’s where my Sunday is at, at this very moment.  Now. if I could only find a way to finish this, so it can be posted while the Sunday is still around, I’d be happy.

That said, I think dinner time is approaching, so I’ll have to stop.

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