What

Published 08/18/2019 by MoonieZ

No idea.

These last weeks I have been thinking about a lot of things. Mainly about moving forward.

As usual when life seems to not go anywhere, I wonder what I can do to do get on with it.

Finding any answers? No.

Change can’t happen without changing. I know, but it has never been easy to know what changes have to be made. Is it thinking that has to change?

On the other hand, I am who I am. My mind works the way it always has. Only, since a few years back, I know my mind works the way it does due to autism.

Should I try to make it work like a “normal” mind instead? Do I want it to? No.

I think I can still change and do things in other ways and still be me. Including being autistic, since I can’t get away from that as it is a part of me and I don’t want to pretend.

Sure, if I could have a choice, I would rather not be autistic, as it is a disorder,  but since I can’t choose, I think it better to accept who I am and work with that rather than deny it and try to work against it.

Lately, I feel relaxed and the anxiety I have  struggled with for some years now is for the moment gone. I don’t want it to return and I hope it won’t.

No news about “work” yet and all I can do is wait. Almost all I can do.

Days sail on by very quickly and Summer is soon gone. The daylight hours will not be as many and the darkness will return. With it I think my feeling of depression might also.

This year I will do my best to not feel depressed.

 

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Sunday

Published 08/11/2019 by MoonieZ

Yes, the time has come , to write. Well, type.

Nothing new. I keep thinking about the future and the past. How about the present? It passes by while I think. Mostly.

Weather has been kind of bland. I mostly see it when I look out the window.

Funny how fast the days pass by when I have nothing to do. Soon that will change. At least I hope so.

 

August 2019

Published 08/04/2019 by MoonieZ

What’s up, readers?

I know I have been away from this for a long time. Honestly, I thought about never returning. Even if I wrote in my previous post that I would be writing more for this blog project, I managed to not follow through on that promise.

Not sure why, except there is so little going on in my life, I have no idea what to write. And writing fiction does not appeal to me much. Not the way it used to decades ago.

Sometimes I do think of some story to tell, and even start to make some notes in my mind about it, but that is as far as I go with it. Since I started drawing and painting I feel like I want to express myself that way instead. Which is strange, considering writing has always been my primary way of expression and what I enjoy the most. At least I used to feel that way. Not sure what has changed. Perhaps I have just grown tired of writing about myself and my failures and my dull life. It would be better to focus on change and getting things done. As if I haven’t spent decades trying to change my life for the better. And exhausted myself trying to find happiness where it wasn’t to be found.

I’m disappointed with myself in many ways. Tired of trying to change. All I do is miss the life I can’t return to. Not much to write about on a daily basis. So, I don’t expect to be updating this blog much.

I miss some people I used to know. Finding new friends is hard and has never been easy for me. So I continue to be on the outside looking in. Just as I always have.

Mainly I spend my time watching movies, Netflix, Youtube videos and I play a few games: Red Dead Online and GTA 5 Online. Also listen to music from time to time, but less than I used to.

I’m active on Twitter and Facebook and some other apps. I go for walks sometimes.

Not much of a life but it is what it is.

Before I start repeating myself I end this here.

 

Marching to April

Published 03/29/2019 by MoonieZ

Howdy readers,

Any of you still here or is it just dust remaining?

Anyway, I’m still alive and somehow the old desire to write away my troubles and worries is starting to emerge once more. I figured it to be gone for good but I guess it dies hard.

After spending a year with paint and brushes and not getting far with it, I feel like writing again. Typing. So many things, so many feelings I’m still working through in my mind. Probably be easier if I wrote it down. Get it out of my head for good. Sort of.

So, without making any promises, there might be more coming soon.

Over and out.

Goodbye 2018

Published 12/30/2018 by MoonieZ

Can’t wait for this year to end. Feels like it was only a giant struggle. And a lot of ups and downs. I have mostly been feeling weak and worried. Depressed. Never had this many days off for being ill in a year ever, except for the times I had problems with my legs.

Some small changes I’ve made are all that feels good. I stopped my waste of time and money at that site. My life is more lonely since then but with less drama. And less anxiety. All for the better in the long run.  I hope.

I like that I paint as part of my job training. It helps me relax and takes my mind off of some things. At least part of the time.

Life has become dull, though. I do the same things most days and time moves along but I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere.

Maybe this is it. As good as it gets.

July heat

Published 07/22/2018 by MoonieZ

Hi there, dear readers.

I’m still alive. I know it wasn’t yesterday I last posted anything here but the truth is I haven’t been feeling like writing much.

Life moves along and so does time. I feel somewhat better in some ways but in other ways I’m not feeling much good at all. That’s just the way it is.

The heat wave the last few months have really tested my endurance. Not much for too warm weather so I have had some really rough days and nights.

I wouldn’t mind a bit cooler weather now.

I paint during my hours at the “work” thing and it feels like I forget a lot of what worries me and it really reduces stress. Not sure what the future will be but all I can do is keep doing my best from day-to-day and hope things will turn out good eventually.

Still miss that person I thought I knew but I’m over the worst part of it. Got to let it be what it is. Moving on is the way to go.

What I’m really happy about is that my anxiety seems to have vanished for the time being. It was really bad at times but now its been almost two months without any sign of it.

That’s all for now.

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