writing

All posts tagged writing

Sunday

Published 08/11/2019 by MoonieZ

Yes, the time has come , to write. Well, type.

Nothing new. I keep thinking about the future and the past. How about the present? It passes by while I think. Mostly.

Weather has been kind of bland. I mostly see it when I look out the window.

Funny how fast the days pass by when I have nothing to do. Soon that will change. At least I hope so.

 

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August 2019

Published 08/04/2019 by MoonieZ

What’s up, readers?

I know I have been away from this for a long time. Honestly, I thought about never returning. Even if I wrote in my previous post that I would be writing more for this blog project, I managed to not follow through on that promise.

Not sure why, except there is so little going on in my life, I have no idea what to write. And writing fiction does not appeal to me much. Not the way it used to decades ago.

Sometimes I do think of some story to tell, and even start to make some notes in my mind about it, but that is as far as I go with it. Since I started drawing and painting I feel like I want to express myself that way instead. Which is strange, considering writing has always been my primary way of expression and what I enjoy the most. At least I used to feel that way. Not sure what has changed. Perhaps I have just grown tired of writing about myself and my failures and my dull life. It would be better to focus on change and getting things done. As if I haven’t spent decades trying to change my life for the better. And exhausted myself trying to find happiness where it wasn’t to be found.

I’m disappointed with myself in many ways. Tired of trying to change. All I do is miss the life I can’t return to. Not much to write about on a daily basis. So, I don’t expect to be updating this blog much.

I miss some people I used to know. Finding new friends is hard and has never been easy for me. So I continue to be on the outside looking in. Just as I always have.

Mainly I spend my time watching movies, Netflix, Youtube videos and I play a few games: Red Dead Online and GTA 5 Online. Also listen to music from time to time, but less than I used to.

I’m active on Twitter and Facebook and some other apps. I go for walks sometimes.

Not much of a life but it is what it is.

Before I start repeating myself I end this here.

 

Marching to April

Published 03/29/2019 by MoonieZ

Howdy readers,

Any of you still here or is it just dust remaining?

Anyway, I’m still alive and somehow the old desire to write away my troubles and worries is starting to emerge once more. I figured it to be gone for good but I guess it dies hard.

After spending a year with paint and brushes and not getting far with it, I feel like writing again. Typing. So many things, so many feelings I’m still working through in my mind. Probably be easier if I wrote it down. Get it out of my head for good. Sort of.

So, without making any promises, there might be more coming soon.

Over and out.

Friday November 17, 2017

Published 11/17/2017 by MoonieZ

Excuse me. I couldn’t think of any headline for this ramble so picking today was the easiest way out of that predicament.

Woke up early today after sleeping almost the whole night through. Still felt tired and not much in the mood for getting out of bed but eventually I made it up.

Not more than an hour later I was at the bus stop waiting to catch a bus to the next town to attend a meeting with a study group to learn more about ways to manage time, energy and activities for people with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I arrived at a reasonable time this time because I almost didn’t go at all. However, once I arrived I started to feel better about the day. And the two hours went by fast. I like the fact that there are only four people in the group and that all are nice and friendly. It makes it all better and more interesting to take part in. Also, I like to meet other people with the same disorder. Just to know I’m not alone helps a lot. The funny thing is that I don’t find any of them strange, to me they all seem “normal”.

Anyway, no matter how interesting it was to be there, I was still very tired when I got on the bus back to my new hometown. Almost fell asleep several times along the way.

My brain is tired. The rest of me isn’t, but since the brain controls the rest of the body its hard to find the energy to do much.

I got home though, and had a nice walk in the sun through the park where the ducks along the canal greeted me with the usual “quack” sounding a bit like laughter.

At last, back in my humble apartment, I heated some food, had some drinks, and sat down to eat. Feeling exhausted.

Is this going to go on much longer? Well, I was wondering when you’d show up, figment of my imagination. You can always trust me to show up when you write boring pointless stuff like this. I know I can because you are a figment of my imagination. Are you sure? Why wouldn’t I be? Not the first time you show up.  And not the last! Well, that depends on if I let you. What do you mean? I make my own destiny! You think so? What if I simply stop typing, where will you be then? I will be right 

Well that’s the end of that. Back to the story of my day. Or perhaps not.

My Friday is rolling along at a slow pace. Pretty good but rather boring. Not much to add.

Tuesday in October

Published 10/17/2017 by MoonieZ

Oh well, I’m back.

Thinking I should write something. Sometimes it works. Writing, that is. Thinking – not so much.

Yesterday was Monday. It had its ups and downs but ended on the upside. I worked through something important with a friend and it felt very rewarding for me that it didn’t end in a disaster. I have made so many mistakes that have ended with total failure, so I was almost surprised I managed to think straight enough to avoid that outcome.

The evening was fun and ended up being epic. One of those Mondays that will spawn legends. If there is any justice left in the world.

I got to sleep late but with a big smile on my face.

Hey, this is supposed to be about Tuesday!  Hold your horses, I’m getting there. Slowly.

Well, Tuesday started with me waking up. probably Tuesday started anyway but it sounds a bit more royal to write that the day starts when the king rises from his bed.

And you want to abolish the monarchy? Hypocrite! Do you mind? I’m trying to be creative  here.

Creative?! Bah, humbug!  You know you got a big mouth for being a figment of my imagination?

Well, somebody has to say it since you obviously can’t! Exactly what is it I can’t say?

Lots! Take that girl you like so much, for example, how do you think that will end?!

End? What are you on about? You obviously don’t have a clue. 

About what? See, this is what I’m talking about!  I think you should stop speaking in riddles. If you can’t understand it’s not my fault – you created me.

Yes, I did. And I can also shut you up. You wouldn’t dare! In fact you

So, time to move on.

Where was I? Oh yes, Tuesday.

After rising, I sat down. Then it gets slightly hazy but I seem to have relocated to some kind of armchair. Probably by using some kind of movement.

The next thing I remember is starting to write this piece of what some would call writing.

There you go.

To be continued….. (maybe)

Still not impressed. Nobody asked you.

What’s next ?

Published 10/07/2017 by MoonieZ

So here it is, readers.

I have a choice to make. To bash my skull in for being a crazy idiot and walk around feeling miserable for the rest of my life – or – acknowledge the fact that I’m feeling happy for the first time in a very long time. I mean really happy, not just trying to pretend happy like I usually do without fooling myself but perhaps one or two who don’t know me that well.

To decide to feel happy no matter what would be a step forward for me. To feel miserable and stupid wouldn’t be much of an improvement. So what I might have been reckless. I’m the only one to suffer, if there’s any suffering.

Maybe I ought to say I made an investment in my well-being. I like the sound of that.

For a long time, I’ve just pretended to be happy and positive. At night I felt the real me, the real emotions but I didn’t admit it to myself even. And not to anyone else.

I miss my home, I miss my parents so much I can hardly think of it or let myself feel it too often or I just break down and cry.

I hate being unable to make connections the way I want and long for. My stupid disorder makes me frustrated sometimes. Just because I know why my mind works the way it does, doesn’t mean I like it or think it’s not a huge problem. At times I wish some social things were easier, other times I couldn’t care less.

Frustration gets the better of me at times. At other times, I actually feel like I have managed to overcome some obstacles and made some progress. Learned to handle some situations better. Those moments I feel good about myself. Just isn’t happening enough.

The great consolation is music. Without music, I’d be unable to get through life.

Of course family, friends, movies, books also help but music is the best healer.

Now I’m starting to stray from the topic so I won’t go on for much longer, only to the end of this sentence.

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