Chat room

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Names

Published 11/04/2017 by MoonieZ

Well, I’m not sure to bother with this anymore but I feel the need to give my side of the story without distortion by people who don’t know me but seem to think they know how I feel and why I do what I do or don’t do.

It began after I had met a very nice person online and started spending a lot of time with this person.

One evening I got a message from someone I had been seeing now and then before I met the person I am now spending my time with.

This message insulted me and ended with a laugh. I didn’t respond and thought that was the end  of it.

I also got an email from someone else who claimed to know the person who sent the insulting message  was very upset with me not being around as much as I used to. I didn’t think much of it until recently I got more emails with a very insulting language accusing me of hurting a persons feelings and not caring about it. Also, I got told I was wasting my time seeing the new person for various reasons I won’t mention because I’m not sinking to that low level of name calling and insults.

I replied to let it be known I didn’t care for the language used and that the person writing to me had no idea about how I feel or who or what I care about.

This will be the end of it for me as I don’t care for drama.

If the idea behind these messages and emails was to get me to return they really didn’t do any good. Instead they made me certain to never ever return. So, not a good strategy.

 

 

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Somebody new

Published 10/14/2017 by MoonieZ

Let me tell you this, readers, writing this wasn’t easy.  First, I thought I had a brilliant idea to write all this in Swedish. That was before I actually started. Then, as I started, it dawned on me how it would seem odd to suddenly write in Swedish at this blog, which has only seen one text in Swedish during its entire existence. So, after a day or two of thinking about it, I decided English is the only way to go.

Thinking about what to write has also proved to make it difficult to even start. To get out of that situation I simply write what comes to mind. Regardless of what I think about it.

I see no other way to get this all out of head and into a block of text.

A Friday was the day it all started. I was having a slow day doing a lot of nothing and got the sudden idea to check out the new faces of the chat site I used to visit occasionally.

So, I browsed through the section of new arrivals and suddenly a certain screen name caught my eye. The first part of it was identical to my own and that made me curious to find out if it was indeed true and not false like the case had often been in the past with people claiming to be Swedish.

So I went in, just to see if I could find out.

Now, I must admit, my first reaction to what I saw did not make me all that interested in staying. The person in front of the camera did strike me as not that nice or interesting but I still decided to chat and drop some tokens. After all , I had nothing better to do.

How I found out she actually is Swedish, I can’t recall but I know I did receive a private message asking me if I’m Swedish and after that a conversation started. I must have started to enjoy myself because I stayed in the room about four hours that first day.

That very first impression proved to be wrong. She is actually nothing like the sort I first thought. And that probably contributed to the fact that I returned the next day and stayed even longer.

But, after those two days, I did stay away for twelve days. Why that happened was probably because I was trying to avoid falling back into my old habit of spending huge amounts of time and (from time to time ) lots of money at this site.

However, I must have liked my first two days, because after nearly two weeks away I went back and from then onwards for like almost a month I spent lots of time having fun and getting to know this person.

At first our conversations were all in English but after a while that changed and our private conversations started to be in Swedish. I can’t stress enough how good it felt to finally hear my native language spoken and see it typed at that site. For so many years, all my chat conversations had always been in English, no matter the nationality of the person I spoke with. For a long time I had also enjoyed it and actually avoided Swedish even when fellow Swedes had used it in chats I had been a  part of. I even avoided to admit being from Sweden.

Now, however, Swedish really spoke to me in many ways it had not done for so many years before.

Also, the way she speaks Swedish, the sound, the accent, the melody of her voice immediately caught me and only made me want to hear it again and again.

Needless to say, I quickly forgot all about everything else around me and focused all my attention on the person in front of me and on getting to know as much as possible about her.

Who I found is someone completely different from my first faulty impression. At first I would never have guessed she has such a great amount of talent, creativity and positive energy but it dawned on me during the many hours I spent with her.

Not only was it fun, it also challenged me to change. Or, rather, she inspired and challenged me to start changing my thinking into a more positive direction.

Her almost limitless positive energy and constant happy outlook on everything started to rub off on me and for that I’m eternally grateful. It has given me reason to question myself and to evolve after being kind of stuck in some rather negative modes of thinking about myself and things that happen.

Though most of all she is incredibly creative and artistic. And fun to be around. You never know what she will do or say, or  where her creative ideas will take her and you. For me, being stuck in routine and structure as I am, this impulsive creativity can sometimes seem confusing and hard to follow but it also teaches me to be less afraid of not being able to predict what will happen. Have I also mentioned how beautiful and attractive she is? I haven’t ? Perhaps that goes without saying. Not that I think its her very best feature. Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful but its her soul that really makes her beauty shine.

Her amazing personality is what keeps me coming back, what draws me in. Yet, it’s not so easy to define which lends a certain mystery to her being. Something I find even more attractive than the pure physical beauty she also possesses a lot of. Without being flawless, mind you. It would be easy to wax on about her being perfect in every aspect but that’s not how it is. I don’t believe in the concept of a perfect human being anyway. What appeals to me are always the small imperfections that make every person unique.

She certainly is a one of a kind person and I’m very happy  and feel very lucky to have gotten to know her over the past month. Still I feel there is lots more to know and she constantly surprises me with new aspects of herself that adds to the overall image of the person she is. And even if the pieces not always seem to fit straight away they reveal a very interesting soul.

Words at random

Published 01/18/2014 by MoonieZ

Evening! Or night. rather, as it is past midnight when this is written – or typed.  Best to be honest, never know who might be reading this. That’s the beauty of a public blog. I never know who reads it or when or where they do it. Of course I know of some who reads it  – the ones who lets me know about it by leaving comments or sends me tweets or email. But those aren’t that many, and I know I have some followers of this blog so I suppose they read it – at least from time to time. Then there are those who arrive at my blog at random, from all over the world. I never know who they are but I notice they have been here.

Funny, when I started back in the summer of 2005, I didn’t think anyone would bother to read anything here. Or at least not many and not a lot. In fact, I only started because of one person asking me if I was doing anything creative. She’s still around the internet, I still see her online from time to time. Probably I have written this before but I’ll do it once more just to say thanks for the inspiration to get me started. Who knows if I’d still be here typing almost nine years later if I had never entered that chat room over at that site and started talking.

Lately, I have found my blog to be lacking in good writing. I don’t post a lot, and when I do I find my texts to be short, shallow and mostly pointless parades of random words. Not like it used to be. Over the years I have published some very personal texts dealing with my life in many ways.

Dreams don’t come true if they’re not pursued. Dreaming it is not enough. You have to chase the dream. Catch it and make it real. I have just been dreaming my life away, never getting started. Probably my fear of failure is to blame, which means the only person I can point my finger at is me, myself and I. My fault. All my fault.

Never got going, never wanted it bad enough to run after it and risk not catching up to it. Rather just keep dreaming while time runs away.

Same story about almost everything.  Like love. Don’t even get me started on that topic. Endless row of failures, of maybe I ought to but what if I fail type of moments.

Been chasing love in all the wrong places with all the wrong tools. In fact, have yet to figure out how to chase it down at all. How the damn game is played.

So, stuck at watching John Hughes old movies and let my thoughts shake hands with my memories of youth while my dreams of romance slips its damp hand into mine and takes me for a stroll in dreamland.

Yeah, at least there’s one genius in the family: my oldest nephew – the music video director.  Below this text of mine you’ll find a new directing and editing effort of his.

So damn proud of him. When we grew up, he was like my little brother more than he was my nephew and I always knew he’d get where he wanted to go. Wouldn’t let anything stop him. Unlike me he seems to have managed his fears of failure, been courageous enough to keep on going no matter how long or how hard the road.

Veronica Maggio – Hela huset (ft. Håkan Hellström)

My weekend report

Published 02/11/2013 by MoonieZ

My weekend started on Friday. I don’t remember much of it except the chatroom  I was in and the snow I had to shovel. The first was fun and the second was a boring chore that brought me an aching back and a lot of fresh air.  Oh, and I also travelled to the city and bought some clothes.

clothes

I slept kind of late on Saturday morning. Probably didn’t get up before 10 am. Read the morning paper, had breakfast. Then went out to shovel more snow. Also had some other chores but didn’t have the energy to really get much of it done.  Instead I had too much to eat and watched a lot of episodes of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. During this, I also tweeted and checked  my Tumblr dashboard. Went out to shovel more snow later too if I’m not mistaken. Did I also stop by a chatroom on Saturday night? I can’t remember so I hope I’m not offending anyone. I was really sleepy once  I managed to get to bed.

Woke up late on Sunday morning. Had a nice dream probably but don’t remember much of it. Again, I had breakfast read the morning paper and then went out to shovel some snow. Starting to sound like a boring weekend by now.  I guess it was kind of ordinary.

Spent the afternoon watching the rest of the episodes of season one of Sons of Anarchy. Later, around dinner time, my oldest brother visited for a while.

In the evening, I had a long shower and washed my hair. Afterwards, I felt very refreshed. Continued to watch Netflix while also reading Twitter, tweeting and looking at Tumblr.

Went to sleep rather late and woke up around 5 am because I had to go pee. Then fell asleep again and woke up too late. Since the weather wasn’t too good, I decided to “work” at home and sent a message to the office about this before going out to shovel some snow and then going out to do some grocery shopping, pay some bills and other stuff.

The end.

Tuesday

Published 01/09/2013 by MoonieZ

Just another day. Ended a lot better than it started. Well, it started ok, so I’m not saying it was bad at all. Just a lot of snow to shovel away.  Then I did some other work and even later I had some dinner. Watched MasterChef on TV and then went out to shovel some snow again. Got back inside in time to have a nice chat with a friend.

So, all in all, my Tuesday has been good. Now there is only a few minutes left of it so there’s not much more to tell. Not if I want to publish this while it’s still Tuesday. Looks like I won’t make it.

I would if I had stopped typing in time but I didn’t. Only now. Anyway I’m too distracted to finish this right now.

 

Back

Published 10/23/2012 by MoonieZ

I’m back. To what? To feeling ok. I had to struggle to get back to that feeling. To get away from feeling sad and depressed.

On the other hand I wrote that I would feel the way I did until I wasn’t feeling that way anymore. Well, anymore is here.

There’s new grass on the field. Well, not new grass at this time of year perhaps but maybe enough left of the old grass to support a better feeling.

This morning I woke up after sleeping rather badly again. I had some belly ache and didn’t feel like getting up, but I did and I also got myself ready to go to the bus and I finally arrived on time at the office.

New people started today too. One more body in the small room I share with one other person. Sorry to say that new person had to witness how I got into an argument with the roomie about taxi cab fares. Then I was told I don’t talk, that I only talk to myself and that I’m ridiculous and mean.

So for a few hours I felt rather upset about this. I had only wanted to help with the taxi cab fare matter but perhaps I didn’t express myself too good due to being tired from not sleeping very well.

On twitter I almost made a fool of myself and said something stupid to a friend which I still feel bad about.

Anyway the day got better later on and by the time I went home I had a better feeling in my bones.

After dinner I rested and looked for a movie to watch. Then I went to a chatroom to talk to a friend and it was a nice few hours that really made my day a lot better. In fact, I now feel so good I am almost ashamed of all the words I’ve used for the last few days to tell the world about how depressed I felt. Notice I said ‘almost’.

I’m not going to excuse my feelings or regret sharing them. At least not all the time…

So what remains of my evening, I’ll be spending watching some movie or some tv and then I’ll be going to sleep.

All is well that ends well.

Sunday serenade

Published 08/05/2012 by MoonieZ

Right. Wrong.

Anyway. No way.

Ok, it seems yesterday I wrote a kind of confused and depressed update for this blog. Not as confused and depressed as the earlier stuff this week but close enough. I know I promised some changes a while ago. That I would only be doing happy and superficial updates from now on. Well, I’m not quite there yet so you shallow people who yearn for this will have to wait a while longer. I’m sorry but it’s the laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw of the land.

I woke up around 4am this morning. Wasn’t really all awake but it was too hot to sleep at that point, so what did I do? I checked some twitter timelines and sent a tweet. Then I kind of started to drift off to sleep again and next time I woke up at around 6am, I remembered having dreamed of chasing someones naked butt down along a sandy beach and finally falling on my face in the sand from exhaustion before waking up feeling like I had sand in my eyes.

Just because my dreams are weird doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. OK? Most of the time I don’t even remember them anyway.

Reading the Sunday edition of the morning paper after getting up made me choke on my ice tea (not that I was having any,  I just had to mention it for the effect).

An article pointed out that this nation’s fastest growing people’s movement is  – sex. The article claimed that sex talk is now such a common practice that it is not even controversial anymore. All kinds of everyday people want to educate themselves, discuss and try out sexual practices and buy sex toys.

I suddenly felt like a prude, because I have not once noticed this new movement. All I have noticed is the always increasing commercial use of sex in and shape or form to sell almost any kind of product or service, but this people’s movement of exploration and learning has passed me by.

Granted, I don’t socialize enough but I still think I should have heard or seen something. Anyway, after reading the article I had that old feeling of missing out. I often have this feeling. About a lot of things.

Then I thought I’d just go masturbate and be done with it.

I still haven’t though.  I’m at my computer. Writing. Just before I started typing this, I was in a chatroom but not typing, just looking and listening. Saw someone I don’t see a lot these days but used to see a few years ago. Only for a short time and just because I happened to be on the site this morning.

Before doing the above, I checked the latest headlines of the online newspaper site I most often visit. Just to check up on what’s going on in the country and in the world.

Then I also looked at my Twitter timeline again and wrote one tweet –  a morning greeting to my followers.

What I’ll be doing for the rest of my Sunday, I do not know yet. Probably, I will watch some broadcasts from the Olympic Games on TV and perhaps I’ll also watch a movie.

Most likely I will listen to music, maybe read or do some more writing. I think it will be a relaxing day though.

Right now, I’ll be busy doing some non-controversial wanking though.

Over and out.

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