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Hey June

Published 06/09/2013 by MoonieZ

So it is. I’m not sure what to write about. For many days I have been thinking what to write next. Never works. Too much thinking means no writing. Not even ‘next’ . Why? Because when I think enough, nothing seems good enough to write. Not even the news about my dull life or anything else with any connection to it.

I haven’t been too great – neither of mind nor body – and my updates have suffered. Headaches and other pains have stopped me, along with too much thinking about matters I can do nothing about. Then some emotions on top of it all and the rest is history.

Anyway last month – May – marked my four years as a visitor at MFC. This month means I have tortured the readers of this blog for no less than 8 years. It all began back in 2005. June. I had recently found a nice site to visit and gotten to know some people there. After having written some on the forum there and gotten a lot of nice feedback someone suggested I should start a blog to publish my writings and I did. Never knew then I’d still be at it 8 years later. The site is gone, most of the people I no longer see but this blog remains and perhaps I still have some readers who remember me from that site.

Readers. Thank you all very much. Old or new, casual or regular. No matter what kind of reader you are, I thank you. There would be no point to this blog without readers. After all, I didn’t start a blog only for my own enjoyment, or I could have kept a diary instead. However I never imagined having a lot of readers or followers.

Maybe I did at some point try to pretend that having readers or not wouldn’t matter but I guess I was trying to protect myself from feeling disappointed if there would never be any readers at all.

Still, I’m amazed I have readers because I don’t often think I post anything worth reading.

Now I notice there is no plan to this at all. Jumping from one topic to the next and then back again. Been away from writing for too long, no doubt.

Yes, or maybe this is all you’ve got?

Sure, I knew you’d say that. No surprise.

What’s the answer then?

The answer is: I have no idea what you mean.

Oh, really? I figured you’d be smarter but I see I was mistaken. 

This is going nowhere.  Good night and thank you for stopping by.

Dodging the questions are we now? 

You may think what you like.

I will.

 

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Seven years of blogging

Published 05/17/2012 by MoonieZ

Soon, in June, this blog celebrates 7 years of existence.

It started out as my outlet for thoughts and feelings generated by interactions at a community webcam chat site.  Then it evolved into something like an online autobiography written and published one post at a time. From time to time I have also published pure fictional writings that have often been simple spur of the moment things. Some of my posts have been about certain topics – some attempts to discuss those topics and present my opinions. A lot of posts have also been about my interest in music, movies, books and food. Through the years I have posted photos, pictures, audio and video clips to break the blocks of text and to make the blog more entertaining.

When I started back in 2005 I never imagined having any readers but of course I hoped some people would find their way to my blog and perhaps even find it interesting enough to come back.  Now, seven years later, I know I have readers and even readers who regularly follow my writing here. I am very grateful for each and every one of you and thank you for reading my texts. I will do my best to continue writing and publish texts and other material in order to keep you interested.

However, what I write will still be whatever I feel like writing and that way it will as always reflect my personality. I will not ever attempt to adjust my style in order to attract more readers or try to figure out what will please the most readers.

Since people have found their way here and continued to follow my blog without me trying to please anyone, I think it would be stupid to start now. I will continue being me. That’s a promise.

 

 

What’s the point?

Published 01/22/2012 by MoonieZ

Sometimes when I look back at what I’ve shared with you, my readers, I feel a bit alarmed. Not about the details of what I’ve shared but about what kind of picture all of these posts paint of me in the minds of my readers.

How would I picture me, based on the information I find on this blog?  Sometimes I think about the answer to that question. Usually after posting things like yesterday’s text. Also after re-reading a post like “Creepdom” in which I attempt to discuss the good and bad sides to fandom while describing my own actions as a fan.  I’m not sure what the picture looks like but I’m sure it’s not only pretty.

When I started this blog back in the summer of 2005, it was at first in an attempt to describe my experiences at a certain website and community that I had then recently discovered. Soon it evolved into a way for me to express myself and also to write a kind of autobiography in the blog format. I started to write more and more about my past and about myself as time passed and I got some positive feedback from some friends from the community. Then for some years I didn’t post much on my blog until I suddenly met someone online in early 2008 which inspired me to really start working on my blog and since then I’ve kept up the work.

These days I can’t claim that all my writing is inspired by some  one person only but certainly people I know and meet do have some influence upon my choice of topics since the interactions with these people trigger emotions and thoughts within me that I often want to share with my readers.

I also try to avoid the romantic idea of waiting for inspiration in order to write. Instead I write even when I have no idea what to write and sometimes even no real motivation. Usually I still manage to produce some kind of text and most of the time I post that text no matter how I feel about its quality. In a way I do this also in order to battle my self-censorship from blocking my creativity. To really be able to write anything of value, I think not being stopped by self-censorship is essential.

IRL

Published 03/24/2011 by MoonieZ

Well what about it?

Simple. You want it to happen, it might or it might not. You don’t want it to happen. It still might. Or not. People are not machines. What will happen when people interact can’t always be predicted. What evolves through the interaction online is impossible to always control and keep in a certain place.  Sure, some call it all a fantasy. Fine. Let them have it their way. I’ll be having it my way. I’ve had it my way. I’ve seen how things develop beyond any fantasy and turning into something real without anyone really pushing it to happen. People have thoughts, people have feelings. Sometimes these don’t follow the rules you’ve made up in advance. Sometimes things happen that weren’t scripted. What shall we all do about that ? Throw a fit, call the cops and throw it all away? Or, should we as the imperfect beings we all are, bills to pay or not, working for a living or not, simply embrace that fact that sometimes life takes a turn nobody saw coming and something turned into something real.  I’ve seen it happen, I’ve lived it. I didn’t think it even could but it did and it has given me a friend for life. So, before taking all these grand stands on the matter of what is what in this digital age of global interaction – remember we’re all still humans first and we’re still social and emotional animals who do not always act within reason or follow our own rules. Wouldn’t it be terrible if we all stopped being human in order to uphold borders we’ve only set in our own minds? I don’t know – I’d be very unhappy with that kind of life.  Ok. I’m done.

At least I know where I fit in and where I don’t. Some forums are not for my kind – and that’s fine. I’ll return to being a lurker again rather than having my head bitten off whenever I voice an opinion different than that of the majority.

Some sites aren’t for this but for that you all say as if you know what’s in every human heart  and mind. You don’t know, you can’t know, nobody can. You sound as if you do though, and that’s ok. You have a right to your opinions and I have a right to mine.

Peace out !

What a day!

Published 02/01/2011 by MoonieZ

What to write after a night and morning like the one I’ve just had?

I have no idea. There aren’t words enough or smart enough or funny enough or good enough or strong enough or nice enough or beautiful or cute enough to describe this amazing experience.

I’m going to simply state that I’m glad I was there. I’m happy to have been a witness. When these things happen to people I care about, who are my friends, I feel so happy, because I know how hard the work is that they do. Or – I don’t know how hard work it is to do – but I can very well imagine and I’ve also been told plenty of stories to know enough about it. Anyway – I have no more words. All I can think of are the expressions of happiness and joy I’ve witnessed.  So wonderful.

All I regret is not being able to contribute to this happy occasion. This one of a kind night. But at least I will always be able to say: I was there! If anybody asks me where I was on the night of January 31 and morning of February 1st 2011, I’ll say I was in this friend’s chatroom at MFC and it was an epic experience which I will never forget.

The rest of my night and day and doings and whatever I will return to some other time. Now I’m going to post this while the euphoria is still fresh and vivid in my mind.

 

Contradiction

Published 01/30/2011 by MoonieZ
Bruce Hornsby performing on a Steinway concert...

Image via Wikipedia

Hello, readers!

Sunday. Around 12. I’m looking at a messy room that I will start to clean up at any moment (or so I thought). Right after writing this small piece of information.

Been having fun this weekend. Haven’t slept much but still feel fine. Haven’t gotten much work done but still feel fine.

Yesterday, after a fun late night and early morning I did get some things done. Went out driving my mother to the church for the usual lighting of a  candle at my father’s grave. Then drove her to the market for the usual grocery shopping.

Later on had a fabulous dinner. A pre-cooked meal I heated in the microwave.  At least I didn’t eat it in front of the TV, since I hardly ever watch TV.

As the evening progressed I started to feel sleepy, so around midnight I took  a little nap lasting about four and a half hours. Woke up just in time to join the fun at a certain chatroom at a certain site.

Which brings me back to the start of this post. I’ve been trying to finish this all day while thinking of other things, while knowing I should be doing other things, while feeling guilty for wasting time dreaming of You when I have so much I really need to get done. Well – I’m only human and failing is one of my talents so of course I kept on dreaming and never got around to the other stuff, the important stuff. At least that stuff counts as important in some circles but daydreaming is pretty important to me. Even if it hardly ever pays any bills to dream it is kind of nice. Most of the time even more than nice. Sometimes it can be a bit of a pain because somewhere there’s a voice in my mind telling me “you know this is only a dream, don’t you?” and I reply, “yes, I do know that but what else can I do?” There’s usually no answer to that so my dreaming continues undisturbed by reality checks.  Then after a while I’ll listen to some Roy Orbison songs back to back. And end it all with Bruce HornsbyTill The Dreaming’s Done.

Looks like  that’s all, folks !