Tuesday in October

Oh well, I’m back.

Thinking I should write something. Sometimes it works. Writing, that is. Thinking – not so much.

Yesterday was Monday. It had its ups and downs but ended on the upside. I worked through something important with a friend and it felt very rewarding for me that it didn’t end in a disaster. I have made so many mistakes that have ended with total failure, so I was almost surprised I managed to think straight enough to avoid that outcome.

The evening was fun and ended up being epic. One of those Mondays that will spawn legends. If there is any justice left in the world.

I got to sleep late but with a big smile on my face.

Hey, this is supposed to be about Tuesday!  Hold your horses, I’m getting there. Slowly.

Well, Tuesday started with me waking up. probably Tuesday started anyway but it sounds a bit more royal to write that the day starts when the king rises from his bed.

And you want to abolish the monarchy? Hypocrite! Do you mind? I’m trying to be creative  here.

Creative?! Bah, humbug!  You know you got a big mouth for being a figment of my imagination?

Well, somebody has to say it since you obviously can’t! Exactly what is it I can’t say?

Lots! Take that girl you like so much, for example, how do you think that will end?!

End? What are you on about? You obviously don’t have a clue. 

About what? See, this is what I’m talking about!  I think you should stop speaking in riddles. If you can’t understand it’s not my fault – you created me.

Yes, I did. And I can also shut you up. You wouldn’t dare! In fact you

So, time to move on.

Where was I? Oh yes, Tuesday.

After rising, I sat down. Then it gets slightly hazy but I seem to have relocated to some kind of armchair. Probably by using some kind of movement.

The next thing I remember is starting to write this piece of what some would call writing.

There you go.

To be continued….. (maybe)

Still not impressed. Nobody asked you.

Tuesday

Just another day. Ended a lot better than it started. Well, it started ok, so I’m not saying it was bad at all. Just a lot of snow to shovel away.  Then I did some other work and even later I had some dinner. Watched MasterChef on TV and then went out to shovel some snow again. Got back inside in time to have a nice chat with a friend.

So, all in all, my Tuesday has been good. Now there is only a few minutes left of it so there’s not much more to tell. Not if I want to publish this while it’s still Tuesday. Looks like I won’t make it.

I would if I had stopped typing in time but I didn’t. Only now. Anyway I’m too distracted to finish this right now.

 

Back

I’m back. To what? To feeling ok. I had to struggle to get back to that feeling. To get away from feeling sad and depressed.

On the other hand I wrote that I would feel the way I did until I wasn’t feeling that way anymore. Well, anymore is here.

There’s new grass on the field. Well, not new grass at this time of year perhaps but maybe enough left of the old grass to support a better feeling.

This morning I woke up after sleeping rather badly again. I had some belly ache and didn’t feel like getting up, but I did and I also got myself ready to go to the bus and I finally arrived on time at the office.

New people started today too. One more body in the small room I share with one other person. Sorry to say that new person had to witness how I got into an argument with the roomie about taxi cab fares. Then I was told I don’t talk, that I only talk to myself and that I’m ridiculous and mean.

So for a few hours I felt rather upset about this. I had only wanted to help with the taxi cab fare matter but perhaps I didn’t express myself too good due to being tired from not sleeping very well.

On twitter I almost made a fool of myself and said something stupid to a friend which I still feel bad about.

Anyway the day got better later on and by the time I went home I had a better feeling in my bones.

After dinner I rested and looked for a movie to watch. Then I went to a chatroom to talk to a friend and it was a nice few hours that really made my day a lot better. In fact, I now feel so good I am almost ashamed of all the words I’ve used for the last few days to tell the world about how depressed I felt. Notice I said ‘almost’.

I’m not going to excuse my feelings or regret sharing them. At least not all the time…

So what remains of my evening, I’ll be spending watching some movie or some tv and then I’ll be going to sleep.

All is well that ends well.

Tuesday typing

 

With the sound of the rain against my window this afternoon, I begin to type this rather typical blog post update thing.

This morning, I woke up very early. I had to. My first task for the day was to escort my mother to the surgeon, for some minor eye surgery. It all seems to have worked out the way it should and in a few weeks time, the other eye will go through the same procedure.

Later, after having done some grocery shopping, I returned home to have some lunch and then some rest before starting some writing: a job application among other things.

This evening my oldest brother may come around for a visit. It will be nice.

What else I will be doing tonight, I don’t know yet, but I will probably find some way to pass the time.

Tomorrow, I return to my regular schedule.

 

Oh no, not again

Sorry. I promise I’ll behave this time. The first post today was kind of rude I guess, but it was all true. It really did happen that way. That’s how my day started. If I offended anyone , I sincerely apologize.

And that is all I had on my mind right now.

Seeing how this will be a very short post I will type some more random words just to make it a bit longer and probably annoy anyone who keeps reading this sentence with some hope of it ending with making some kind of sense. I can tell you right now that it won’t happen. Not on my watch. No way.

With all of that out-of-the-way, I’ll leave you to it and hope you will all tune in tomorrow when there might be something else to read. Just might.

At last but not least I hope that TS Isaac will not make life too difficult for the people in the area in which it will pass by.

Be safe.

 

This is it

Yes it’s that time again.

What time? Time to update this blog thingy.

So, the news today: I jerked off before getting ready to go. It was a somewhere around average jerk off session ending in a decently satisfying orgasm and ejaculation. Nothing to write home about though. I only had ten minutes to waste on it so it had to be rather quick. However, most of the time I don’t even have ten minutes to spare so maybe I should upgrade this one to slightly better than average.

TMI. Sorry. But this is a part of how I started my day and I do believe you all want me to be honest and not make up a story just to please you? Or do you? Or don’t you? Now I’m confused enough, so let’s continue and see where this rambling will lead us…or me.

Been leaving a rather average weekend behind me, filled with mostly rain, chores and resting. Only good thing done was that I got around to mowing the lawn. Perhaps for the last time this summer, maybe for the year.

The end of the summer is here. This morning I woke up to a glorious temperature of 8 degrees Celsius. A cold clear morning. The air felt fresh but still I felt a bit sad that summer is ending even before the end of August.

Yesterday it was official that the cat I had tried to help last week  had passed away. I knew this cat only from the internet but still I felt sad because I was thinking of how sad it must be for the cat’s owner. I was also reminded of  how sad I was when my pet rabbit passed away, even though that happened many years ago.

On the “work” front there’s not much to report. Keep sending applications out and keep trying to work on the blog project. Some days I do  a lot of writing and editing and on other days I read a lot of stuff to find ideas for things to write. Some days I do nothing. Some days I feel like giving up. Everything. Yet, somehow, I keep going.

With that, I turn to other news.

What news?

My brother will be visiting this coming weekend. Will be nice to see him as it has been a long time.

All this

Ok, I admit my previous post was a bit too bitter and negative. It sounded like nothing was good or had ever been good in my life. Not so, of course.

I’ve got a lot of good memories and the good times are what I want to remember anyway.

Friends, places, events, situations, experiences. Many good ones over the years.

But, yesterday, I happened to think about the dark side and thought I should share those thoughts. That’s all.

This Tuesday, I’m looking forward and I know there are still good things to come. Always some surprises waiting around the next corner.

 

Last day of July, 2012

Sorry for the lack of updates. Haven’t had anything to write. No, that’s not true. I’ve got plenty on my mind but I don’t feel like sharing it all with the world. Too personal, or perhaps only too embarrassing.

Most of the time I don’t mind sharing my thoughts and feelings but lately I’ve started to ask myself why I should share anything at all. Clearly, it makes very little difference in my life. Nothing changes because I share my life with you, the reader.

I still wake up alone, feeling like shit. And, before you start telling me, I know it’s my own fault how I feel and that my life is going down the tubes. I’m not looking for someone to blame. I blame myself and my ridiculous shortcomings in terms of making my way in the world.

There’s no one else to blame.  Even if it would be easier for me to blame someone else. Take a lot of the burden of having to change off of my shoulders. The only way for my life to be better is if I make it better.

This means, I have to deal with myself and begin to change what needs to be changed in order for my life to change. However, it’s much easier for me to stay in bed and hide under the covers.

And why should I share this lack of  will to change with you lot?

No, from now on, I will not update this blog with my inner thoughts and feelings. From now onwards – this  blog will be surface only. Superficial  in every way. The road to success!

A big shining smile with nothing underneath, is what this blog will be. Every day, all the time.

Shallow? You bet! Shallow shall now be my middle name.

Granted, I will soon be very bored but boredom is the price to pay for success and by God will I pay it!

So, goodbye misery and hello happiness! Things will be very different around here very soon.

New week

Hello, I’m back.

Yesterday was a cloudy Monday. I didn’t do much good with it. Rather average day.

Today is Tuesday and I expect to have a better day. The weather is warm and sunny and I feel sweaty without even moving from my seat.

Looking out at the local lake and see people swimming. Wish I could go swimming too.

Feels kind of empty at home after my niece and nephew have gone back south, but it was fun to have them visiting for a few days.

On Saturday night we played The Game of Life board game. It was the first time in decades I played that game but it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday evening I watched a few movies: one Russian  and one Chinese war movie. They were both set during the Second World War and also shared other similarities in terms of how they portrayed the main characters and how the plot was played out. A lot of heroism, patriotism and sentimentality. Never rising above the standards of the genre.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Yesterday, or perhaps the day before, I almost wrote something stupid on this blog. Again. However, after almost finishing the post I realized it would not do any good to publish it. Also, it was below my usual standards.

The topic was webcam chat sites and what happens there. I decided I’ve written enough about this topic and my views remain the same as last time I wrote something about the subject. However, recently I have been thinking about my many years spent dealing with this subject and the various experiences I’ve had.

What once started out of curiosity and as a way to pass some time, became a way of life over time. For some years it was even an obsession. Leading to many different results both good and bad. I wouldn’t want to be without this experience but the last few months I have been feeling it’s time to move on. In a way I already have. I spend much less time at the site now. I have other things to do in my spare time. Much of the change can be found in the fact that I have very few people to talk to at the site and that the times when I do are few and far between. I’m no longer looking to get to know any new people as I don’t feel like it and don’t know  why I would want to. The people I still know are good enough to keep in touch with. In the years past I often looked for new people to talk to and sometimes I found new friends online. I was a different person then. I was more outgoing, felt more safe and secure in my life and I had a better income. All in all, I found it easy and fun and didn’t have too many things to worry about. What I did have to worry about were enough but in those days I could forget my problems and have fun while being in chatrooms. Now I find myself having trouble to let go of my problems and enjoy myself. I don’t even know what to talk about most of the time. I wish I could find my way back to the easygoing and fun guy I used to be. I know that the person I am now is not the way I really am or want to be. I just can’t shake the uneasy feeling I have.

So many things keep going wrong that I have almost lost all confidence and become very nervous and scared. This makes me less interested in sticking my neck out and making myself noticed. I prefer to hide away in the shadows. Not a good method but that’s how it is.

Maybe things will change when summer comes along. I don’t know. I only know I feel like giving up on everything and just go away and live my life in some far away cave.

This was supposed to be a positive update but I guess it will have to wait until I write another one.

Sorry, I wish I could be a better entertainer.

Peace.