Music

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Midsummer

Published 06/25/2016 by MoonieZ

Midsummer eve, a day of celebration only second to Christmas in Sweden. I’m not going to explain it. If you need to know more, search the internet.

The Boss – Bruce Springsteen – is in Gothenburg with his band for shows. Kind of a midsummer tradition in a way. And the weather is kind of great even if it rained during the night and this morning.

I’m celebrating kind of low-key this year. Not that I mind. I’m used to being by myself. Not good in large groups, takes too much energy away from me to try to handle all the information when I can’t sort it out.

The news this morning of the British having voted to leave the European Union was a shock to me. And I believe a much greater shock for the 48,1% of the British people who voted to stay in the EU.

It took away much of my wish to celebrate Midsummer but I wouldn’t have been celebrating much anyway.

Talked to my brothers on the phone and then my aunt. All seemed to be fine and having a good day. Was good to know.

I struggle with getting things done that I know I have to do but don’t have any motivation for doing. After so many years it gets harder to find any ways to freshen it up and keep me motivated. Of course I know I’ll get it done anyway but it feels so much of a burden lately. No way out of it though.

Still, my life is kind of getting better lately. Not any major change but small steps adding up. No luck in finding a job, no luck in finding a suitable place to live and no luck in finding that love that keeps eluding me. Might be because I’m not looking hard enough or in the right places or perhaps I don’t know how to look for any of it. No idea.

But I enjoy life the way I know how. Have started watching Orange Is The New Black again and still find it fun and interesting to see where all the characters will end up.

Same goes for Game of Thrones. Those are the only shows I watch now. Sometimes I watch some movies but not as much as earlier this year. I find that there aren’t a lot of really good movies around anymore. Or perhaps I’ve grown out of the genre movies. I keep returning to the “old” movies I already know because they are still good.

My internet friends also keep me smiling. Without them, I’d be lost.

Untitled

Published 05/28/2016 by MoonieZ

Hello!

I’m back to haunt you once more. Just when you thought it safe to return to this deserted blog on the edge of town. Not far from the darkness that dwells there.

Anyway, I’ve had some interesting days to say the least.

Many laps around the rollercoaster called life lately. Many different feelings. Highs and lows.

Some matters have been resolved, some are pending and some remains to be seen where they end up.

Still, the question of where to live, where to move to, remains ro be resolved. I’m still not sure what I really want to do but I’m not alone in making the change. My brothers have a say in it also.

Getting help from the municipality seems to be a long struggle where the eventual outcome is highly uncertain.

Finding a place to rent is not easy, and buying one in the current market is very expensive. So, to make a long story short, I’m kind of stuck where I am for the time being.

I feel a lot of stress due to this situation, and I’m not sure anyone else really understand how I feel. My ASD is not making having an uncertain future any easier or less stressful.

Luckily I have some nice people to communicate with who help take my mind off of the stress and let me have fun and enjoy myself. I’m very  grateful to have them around.

Perhaps I could manage without friends but I feel it makes life easier to have a few. Most of my life I haven’t had many friends. Most of the time only one or two or none at all.

I don’t find friends easily, and I have some trouble keeping them. I have trouble with social interactions and don’t like being around many people at once.

One at a time, works best for me. Not always easy to explain to everyone I happen to meet.

Summer is around the corner. Some beautiful warm days have already passed by but I hope the best is yet to come.

Then there is the matter of grief. One thinks it will fade away through the passing of time but it doesn’t work that way. I’d say it starts to sink its claws in you when you think it has disappeared. Every month around the 22nd, I have a minor breakdown. I think I will always feel that way. I know I will always miss my parents, and perhaps my mother more than my father because I spent more time with my mother and because my mother’s passing happened so fast. There was no way to say goodbye.

I find that music helps a lot to sort out all kinds of feelings.