trivial stuff with little meaning in the big picture

All posts in the trivial stuff with little meaning in the big picture category

Why am I here?

Published 08/22/2016 by MoonieZ

The question most frequently asked by my readers. No, I’m kidding. I have no idea what my readers would ask me. Sometimes I think I would like to know but then I don’t. The thing is I never wrote this for any readers…Well, not entirely true. There were a few people I hoped would read this back when I started. I hoped they would read and be impressed by my genius. And by my writing skills. Maybe they were impressed, maybe not. They never really told me except for a few very good and valid comments.

Where this is going? As usual, I have no idea. It all started with a headline. Then I keep writing for as long as I like and that’s what the post will be.

My focus groups all agree with this strategy. If I had any or a strategy. The point is that this is pointless but still has a point. Something to waste time with.

Now that I’ve got your attention I will proceed with some interesting facts about my mental state of mind. As if.

Ok, so this is a pointless row of words. My world, why a word has to have a point. Can it not just be a word finding its place in the great sentence of things and still have value?

The truth is out there. The truth is not out there, the truth is inside our minds. Where else would it reside? The out there can’t keep it alive or make any sense of anything. That’s what thoughts are for. Not saying that thoughts can’t go astray, because they can and they do. Like right now. Who can tell if a thought is true or false? What about thoughts about the out there then? Good question, next question.

Out.

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Struggle

Published 08/16/2016 by MoonieZ

Yeah, I’m back.

Once again, I’m here to tell you my life is a struggle. Nothing new. Same old story. Yes.

I know you think I  ought to stop talking about how my life is a struggle and start changing it instead.

And I agree. If only it wasn’t true that I have been trying to change it for decades. No luck.

Have I then lost the right to  write about the struggle my life is? No.

I do as I damn well please, and then I’ll sell it to the Japanese – so I can lead a good life.

Not that it is all bad to be me at all, but sometimes it sucks too much.

This past week has been very rough but I have survived. Not without a lot of pain and suffering but nonetheless here I am. Back to torment you with pointless posts like this one right here. Go and be a waiter in there!

So this week I plan to make some progress and get some fresh air into this dungeon of mine. About bloody time. Of course it could be just another false promise of mine but you’ll never know unless you stay tuned to this here blog. In fact, you might know more if you don’t stay tuned to this here blog but don’t mention it.

Plans? I’ve got lots of plans. Plans are cheap. They sell for a lot less than they cost to produce. Should be impossible but there is no end to the waste of plans around here.

Where am I going with this? Bet you’d like to know but I’m not yelling you. I’m not yelling at all. Not telling. I whisper your name in the quiet of the midnight hour. Or not. Hard to tell when I can’t hear what it is.

Lost.

The only thing to do

Published 05/19/2016 by MoonieZ

What? To write.

I do it when I feel happy, and when I’m sad or angry. Or when I worry and my anxiety stops me from being productive, while my thoughts and feelings chase each other throughout my mind and being. The only way to bring some order back to that chaos is by writing about it. Like right now.

For a while my mind is focused on the writing and not on the chaos. It brings me peace.

About an hour ago, I had a peach cider to drink.

Not sure what that has to do with anything but there it is.

Why worry. Things are starting to work out. Old problems are being solved one after the other. Life is progressing. Even if I find it hard to see that my life is moving at all, I guess it is. Time is certainly flying. I have no idea where the weeks disappear to but they certainly go there in a hurry. I can’t keep up. So, why worry?

I don’t like that I can’t communicate the things I really want to express. Many times I make no sense, or I just make silly jokes or avoid the subject. While I have a lot of things on my mind that I don’t know how to throw out there without wanting to hide instead.

Probably this worrying is due to the disorder making it hard for me to read people. I simply don’t understand them very well. From time to time I think I do but then I start to worry that I don’t. Very annoying. I try to deal with it the best way I can.

Also, I do have trouble to speak my mind when I really care about who I speak to. It makes me uneasy without me knowing why.

Other times, I worry about speaking too much about everything and use too many words while I speak. Sometimes I don’t know when to shut up.

So I worry. A lot. At times.I try to keep it at  bay. Not always lucky though. Like today.

On the other hand I know why I worry right now. Been a week of much stress and things happening that make me have to change my normal plans, which always makes me a bit anxious.

There is also the matter of worrying about being seen as a joker even when not joking. I’m always afraid of that. Yet I can’t seem to avoid setting myself up for it. Maybe I shouldn’t think so much about everything but I can’t really help it. The world is a confusing place that I always struggle to make sense of.

How much sense this makes is another thing to worry about. That’s why I end this with some music by Talking Heads:

Talking Heads – Road To Nowhere

Throwback Thursday

Published 10/02/2014 by MoonieZ
image

1993

This is from 1993. Found it in a sketchbook I had lying around on my desk. Somehow I feel I was more creative back in those days, before computers and the internet entered my life. Or perhaps I was just younger and less worried about the result not being good enough.

I’m the one to blame

Published 09/26/2014 by MoonieZ

for all my troubles. Of course I am. It’s all my fault. All the blame falls on my shoulders. I mean what would the world be like if it wasn’t all my fault. Don’t even dare to go there! Nothing would work if I wasn’t to blame for everything. All me, all my doing. Or – not doing. Depending on the situation at hand.

After thinking about it for a few weeks it dawned on me that I’ve been wrong in thinking I could point any fingers except at myself. How could I be so stupid to even think for a minute that I could blame anything or anyone else, ever?

Well, we all make our mistakes but mostly I make them.

So, now you can rest easy, as I have assumed all the blame for my situation. No one else needs to bother. Or worry. I’ll go quietly to sort this out on my own.

End of message.

Btw, I happened to listen to this song just now, after finding it on YouTube and on Spotify (though after I first published this, the song is no longer available at Spotify). I like it. Kind of reminds me of things from my life past and present. Mostly it reminds of feelings I have had in connection with things happening in my life.

Shayna Leigh – Drive(Back to Where You Lived)

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