Midsummer eve, a day of celebration only second to Christmas in Sweden. I’m not going to explain it. If you need to know more, search the internet.
The Boss – Bruce Springsteen – is in Gothenburg with his band for shows. Kind of a midsummer tradition in a way. And the weather is kind of great even if it rained during the night and this morning.
I’m celebrating kind of low-key this year. Not that I mind. I’m used to being by myself. Not good in large groups, takes too much energy away from me to try to handle all the information when I can’t sort it out.
The news this morning of the British having voted to leave the European Union was a shock to me. And I believe a much greater shock for the 48,1% of the British people who voted to stay in the EU.
It took away much of my wish to celebrate Midsummer but I wouldn’t have been celebrating much anyway.
Talked to my brothers on the phone and then my aunt. All seemed to be fine and having a good day. Was good to know.
I struggle with getting things done that I know I have to do but don’t have any motivation for doing. After so many years it gets harder to find any ways to freshen it up and keep me motivated. Of course I know I’ll get it done anyway but it feels so much of a burden lately. No way out of it though.
Still, my life is kind of getting better lately. Not any major change but small steps adding up. No luck in finding a job, no luck in finding a suitable place to live and no luck in finding that love that keeps eluding me. Might be because I’m not looking hard enough or in the right places or perhaps I don’t know how to look for any of it. No idea.
But I enjoy life the way I know how. Have started watching Orange Is The New Black again and still find it fun and interesting to see where all the characters will end up.
Same goes for Game of Thrones. Those are the only shows I watch now. Sometimes I watch some movies but not as much as earlier this year. I find that there aren’t a lot of really good movies around anymore. Or perhaps I’ve grown out of the genre movies. I keep returning to the “old” movies I already know because they are still good.
My internet friends also keep me smiling. Without them, I’d be lost.
Not to say you are old or anything and I won’t mention your age but I do want to wish you a wonderful birthday.
I know you don’t wish to keep in touch so this is not any attempt to get in touch again. Just happened to think of the times we shared and how much I value our friendship now that it isn’t active anymore. I will always remember it.
Anyway, to make a long story short,here’s a song from the old days:
Dark outside. Raining. After midnight, so Sunday has begun.
In the archipelago outside Stockholm the Swedish Navy is chasing what they claim to be a foreign submarine of some sort.
The tabloids and news headlines are talking about a new cold war situation. I prefer to stay calm until I see more proof with regards to this ongoing incident.
I’m old enough to remember how it was during the ending decades of the Cold War. The Navy used to chase suspected foreign subs then too, but they never found any and could not present much proof of anything. Don’t get me wrong: I take this new situation seriously and I trust the Swedish Navy to know what they’re doing but I don’t like the big headlines and the feeling of hysteria in the media.
The media is painting a picture of a new “Cold War” when no one knows for sure what results the current chase will end up with or even if it will give us any conclusive proof of this still only suspected foreign military submarine activity inside the archipelago.
On a more personal note, I have started “work” at the new office. I’m learning how to use some photo editing software in order to be able to work with making digital copies of old photos, maps and other documents from various institutions, museums and such.
I like the new place.
This past week I have had a cold. It started already on last Sunday but I managed to be at the office for three days before I had to call in sick. Headache, light fever, runny nose,sneezing and a cough was too much for me. Not until Saturday have I started to feel mostly ok again even if some of the cough remains and my nose is congested.
On job hunting front much remains the same. Nothing much happens. However, this Wednesday I had a job interview over the phone with one employer. I didn’t get the job but at least they wanted to talk to me. A good sign. The first interview I’ve had in a really long time. It made me feel a bit more motivated.
On the more personal front. I still enjoy seeing friends and taking part in the social media networks. That’s about all there is to say.
Yes I know, I had a Frank Zappa moment there for a second or two. Ain’t it funny how that one song is the one everyone seems to connect with Zappa when the man made so much great music? Not saying that song is bad but still, there is so much more music to the name Zappa.
Ok, that little rant is not the topic of this post. I just happened to think of it while typing the headline.
September is here again. Yes, I know it has been a week of it already but you see I haven’t been up to writing anything. As usual. The times when I had to express myself every day of the year seem to have vanished. Now I’m happy if it happens once a month or even less. Besides, nobody reads blogs anymore anyway, right?
Well, I still read a few from time to time but to be honest I spend more time reading Twitter and Tumblr these days. Even so, I like to keep this blog alive because I want to reach the 10 year mark next year. Also I’m still thinking of trying to make something more out of the texts I have published over the years. Will see where that leads.
At the new office place I’m at most of my days, I still struggle to find a meaning and a new project to work on. I am waiting for the election to be over so that things might change. With a new government things will change because policy is going to change. If nothing happens, I’m not sure how much longer I can go on seeing my life go to waste.
Yes, I know if I want to see change I will have to be the change. Easy to say. I’ll tell you this: walk a year in my shoes then come back and say that again if you still think it is so easy.
Of course I’m still searching for employment. Not much else to do, if I wish to find something. No luck though.
My health is somewhat all over the map. Lately, I’ve been pretty good but it changes a lot. I know I would be better if I had been doing a real job for all these years instead of only looking for jobs. The stress sometimes makes me feel like I don’t want to live but I usually fight that feeling. Many times I feel useless though. Forgotten by society and only considered as a statistic.
Thankful for the friends I still keep in touch with. Not sure I’d go on without you all. Music and movies provide some relief and renewed energy, but mostly comfort and escape from reality. Same goes for TV shows.
Look, I managed to repeat myself again. Time to leave.
So, readers, I just spent 30 minutes typing something for this blog that will never be published here for you all to read. At the last minute, I had second thoughts. The thing was about a personal matter but I started to worry it might offend some readers so I decided it wasn’t important enough to publish. Instead you get this harmless text.
Sorry. I’m a coward sometimes.
This summer has been a mixed bag. First half of June was pretty bad, weather wasn’t that good but the end of June and most of July has been great. Very warm weather the last few weeks. Very little rain. I have enjoyed some extra days “off” for the first time in years and I have really felt myself recharged for every day “off” I’ve had. Time to think, to sleep and to get away from some of the stress of being unemployed. Really been good for me. I needed it more than I knew.
Now I’m at the end of it. Next week I’m back at doing five days a week at the office and all is back to the normal grind. At least I have some new energy to find ways to move ahead. Not so long ago I had none of that. I guess all I needed was time away from the daily monotony.
I have been talking to some friends and that also helps my mood.
So the short story is: I feel good or at least a lot better than before.
Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers – American Dream Plan B
So the Summer refuses to warm up. Instead it offers chills, clouds and rain. I guess you can’t always get what you want.
Same goes for my life. It offers very little to be happy about but at least it isn’t all depressing. My present “work” is, though.
Since I had to leave the nice place I had been at for three years and start a new place, I haven’t been very happy about much. There is no real structure to that new place. Everyone is doing their own thing every day and its hard to find the drive to keep on going without any clear framework to hold everything in place. I have an official project to work on but no deadline and in fact it is already more or less a finished project, but I still have to kind of pretend to be working on it. Most of my time I divide between job hunting and reading about the job market or topics related to things I’m interested in – like politics, food. cooking, television, history, books, movies and music.
I miss what I used to do and where I used to be, so much.
In a way everything about these government projects for the unemployed are on hold awaiting the outcome of the general election in September. There might be a change of policy if the current parties in power are replaced by some of the opposing parties.
Outside of this “work” I find myself having little energy to do much of anything. I used to be able to do things around the house but not so much now. Still, I know have to do some things but they leave me exhausted more than ever before. I also had a certain momentum this past Winter to exercise more but after I changed places of “work”, I have lost that drive too. Probably I suffer from depression without really wanting to admit it. Maybe I ought to get some treatment for it even. Just that it scares me to even talk about mental problems. I’m afraid of the whole concept and also about how some people around me will react to it. They already think I’m lazy because I take longer to do things I used to do fast and easy and that I seem to lack interest and motivation to do much of anything. Nobody seems to think I might actually be depressed or that it could be a reason behind my lack of energy.
Enough of the negative things.
Positive? What would those be these days? Some time to sleep. Some time to enjoy some television. movies and music. Time to be outdoors and relax. Good food. A few friends to talk to from time to time. That’s it.
This blog is now more than 9 years old. I know I have been mostly quiet lately and I doubt I will be more active unless something unexpected happens – like a new real job – or that I suddenly fall madly in love with the right person and find the feelings to be mutual.
Let me start by thanking you all for coming here this evening. I’m sure you’d have more fun elsewhere on a New Year’s Eve but that’s probably because I am stuck at home watching the fireworks and feeling sorry for myself. An easy thing to do.
Now, I know I posted already about my year 2013, and from it you might think it was all sad, bad and depressing. Not so, or at least, not only so.
However, I’m leaving it behind – both good and bad – and look forward to what 2014 will bring. As of yet I have no idea but I hope and wish to be able to make it a better year than this one. With some luck I might.
Resolution? Not for you to know. Sorry, but if I tell you, you’d die laughing.
So cheers and Happy New Year wishes to all! Family, friends and readers! Without you I’d be nothing.