And now, the news

News flash:

Nothing. No, not really, but I wouldn’t report it as news.

The chaos in my  brain is best defeated by writing.

Last few days have seen some changes happening. Good ones in the long run.

I can look forward to a slight improvement of my situation. After 5 years at the bottom of the pool, this is good news for me. And believe me, you do not want to be at the bottom of the pool. Not recommended. You live and you learn, though.

To be in the position to start over after these long years of just survival takes some getting used to . I haven’t gotten my head adjusted for it yet. Thoughts and feelings are all over the place and I haven’t slept very well for a few days.

But I expect to regain my footing soon.

In other news:

Nothing. Very little.

The days go by and I keep watching for good news without finding any at all.

The job front:

No improvement. I keep searching. Motivation is hard to maintain when there’s so little gain. However I still struggle on.

My brother will be visiting by the end of June. Will be nice.

Other than that. Not much happening. Days follow days  and time runs away.

Yesterday and today

Yesterday I was at my oldest brother for my nephew’s belated birthday  party.  It was a nice evening. Not so many people but good home-cooked hamburgers and fun conversation.

Today I’ve spent most of the day resting and relaxing. Been online for a bit to see a friend.  Spent some time reading and watching TV.  Listened to some music. Wrote some new updates for this blog.

Soon I’ll be having some dinner and then probably wash my hair and take a shower.  Maybe watch some more TV or a movie before going to sleep.

Tomorrow I’ll have to get up early.

One more for August

Summer has been amazing.

Relax, I’m talking about the weather.  June was ok, July awesome and August has been amazing.  Not at all like last summer when it rained every other day and some day in June was colder than Christmas or perhaps New Year’s Eve.

This year, after a really long snowy and mostly cold winter followed by a short spring, summer grew to become really wonderful. Just what this nation needed. Maybe all the sun and warm weather is the reason I haven’t been writing much on here. Maybe also the fact I haven’t had much to write about, but let’s stay on the positive side of things this time.

This week my brother the chef/drummer is coming to visit me. Been a year since last time so it’ll be nice to catch up on things.

A part from that, there’s not much going on. I’m still trying to find some work and I’m still spending my days at an office where I work on project that might help me find a real job.

Next month, I’ll be a year older again.  Later in September, my oldest nephew turns 40 years old. Soon he’ll catch up with me. Anyway I’m really proud of him because he’s running his own business directing and producing music videos and other projects while also taking care of his baby daughter.  From very early on he seems to have known what he wanted to do and then he simply followed his dream.

I wish I had some more of that kind of determination. However, I’ve never been able to really decide what I really want to do. I’m too easily distracted if I find something interesting while I’m already doing something else.

No I don’t think so

No I don’t think I’m the only one having problems. No, I don’t think I’m the only one having the problems I have.

I would very much not like to come across as thinking I’m alone in the world of problems. Of course there are lots of people having all kinds of problems. Somehow I think everyone has some kind of problem to deal with. Maybe not all the time and maybe not everyone all the time but from time to time.

Also, I’m sure I’m not the only one to sometimes think I’m alone in my misery while everyone else is happy and without problems of any kind.

However, I can only speak about me and my own problems, so my blog often deals with me and only me. As if I’m the only person in the world having problems.

So, I write this to assure my readers that I’m aware of the fact that I’m not alone in the world or alone in having problems.  And I do care about other people and their problems.

We’re all human and I think the thought of being alone in the world problems is a very common thought.

Something I happened to think of at this moment before going to bed to sleep after having had a long day that was mostly good and ended with a birthday party.  My brother’s 64th birthday.

 

Tuesday typing

 

With the sound of the rain against my window this afternoon, I begin to type this rather typical blog post update thing.

This morning, I woke up very early. I had to. My first task for the day was to escort my mother to the surgeon, for some minor eye surgery. It all seems to have worked out the way it should and in a few weeks time, the other eye will go through the same procedure.

Later, after having done some grocery shopping, I returned home to have some lunch and then some rest before starting some writing: a job application among other things.

This evening my oldest brother may come around for a visit. It will be nice.

What else I will be doing tonight, I don’t know yet, but I will probably find some way to pass the time.

Tomorrow, I return to my regular schedule.

 

My brothers

My brother the chef & drummer.

My oldest brother, the neuropsychologist.

September once again

So this is it. September is here. Another Summer is gone.

I feel slightly ill. In fact I don’t feel so good.

Most of my day I’ve spent with my brother and my mother and from time to time I’ve been forced to rest on my bed due to my stomach pains. It’s been a day of mixed emotions.

I should feel happy but I don’t, even if seeing my brother makes me feel good. I can’t seem to find the proper happiness. Instead I feel depressed. Don’t want to but I can’t seem to shake it off.

Had a plan to write this earlier but haven’t had time to get near my computer all day. Haven’t been on my phone or anything. Only talking to real human beings all day long.

Of course it was fun but I still miss internet, twitter and my friends online.  At the same time, staying away is sometimes a good thing.

The rest of this will have to wait, I’m too tired to type anything now.

 

 

In times of trouble and misery

 

Not having the best of days. Today I’m at home, due to not feeling well. I have stomach pains that started yesterday and only kept me annoyed through the  evening and night. Woke up feeling sick and having the same pain, so I had no choice but to call in sick to the office where I spend my days as a part of a government program for the unemployed.  First time in two years I’ve had to stay at home due to illness. I’m mostly not ill, even if I have had my share of health problems over the years.

It was the same for most of the years when I had a job. I was very rarely forced to stay at home due to illness. Until the problems with my legs hit me in the spring of 2001. Then  some bad years followed, but since the spring of 2006 I’ve been back to being ill only for a few days a year at the most. At least I’ve not had to stay at home due to illness more than that but I’ve certainly felt unwell a lot more often without being really ill.

I missed out on seeing friends online both last night and today and that has not helped me to feel better. Neither does the weather. Only rain and clouds today. Supposed to rain all day and evening, not ending until tomorrow.

Some might say it’s a perfect time to be ill when there’s nothing to do but stay indoors anyway. I disagree. If I was feeling all ok I would be busy getting ready for my brother arriving to visit tomorrow. Now I don’t even know if I’ll be well enough to enjoy that as much I would like.

Still, at times like these, it’s good to remember it isn’t the end of the world even if it feels like it at the moment.

During this week I have spent some evenings watching the three Jason Bourne movies starring Matt Damon. I liked them all and found the story thrilling all the way to the end.

Yesterday morning I helped my mother go to the doctor to have her eyes examined and operations scheduled. Turned out my mother has lost almost half of her eyesight so having surgery to restore some of that will certainly be helpful.

Later we did some grocery shopping but by then I was in so much pain that I almost threw up when I had returned home.

I know, I ought to see a doctor but I’m still thinking this will go away by itself. It has done so before but only to return. Then go away again.

Then there’s the feeling of already having too many problems to deal with that sort of stops me from getting the energy to take on one more. Probably makes no sense but it makes sense to me. I have walked enough miles in my shoes to know.

 

 

This is it

Yes it’s that time again.

What time? Time to update this blog thingy.

So, the news today: I jerked off before getting ready to go. It was a somewhere around average jerk off session ending in a decently satisfying orgasm and ejaculation. Nothing to write home about though. I only had ten minutes to waste on it so it had to be rather quick. However, most of the time I don’t even have ten minutes to spare so maybe I should upgrade this one to slightly better than average.

TMI. Sorry. But this is a part of how I started my day and I do believe you all want me to be honest and not make up a story just to please you? Or do you? Or don’t you? Now I’m confused enough, so let’s continue and see where this rambling will lead us…or me.

Been leaving a rather average weekend behind me, filled with mostly rain, chores and resting. Only good thing done was that I got around to mowing the lawn. Perhaps for the last time this summer, maybe for the year.

The end of the summer is here. This morning I woke up to a glorious temperature of 8 degrees Celsius. A cold clear morning. The air felt fresh but still I felt a bit sad that summer is ending even before the end of August.

Yesterday it was official that the cat I had tried to help last week  had passed away. I knew this cat only from the internet but still I felt sad because I was thinking of how sad it must be for the cat’s owner. I was also reminded of  how sad I was when my pet rabbit passed away, even though that happened many years ago.

On the “work” front there’s not much to report. Keep sending applications out and keep trying to work on the blog project. Some days I do  a lot of writing and editing and on other days I read a lot of stuff to find ideas for things to write. Some days I do nothing. Some days I feel like giving up. Everything. Yet, somehow, I keep going.

With that, I turn to other news.

What news?

My brother will be visiting this coming weekend. Will be nice to see him as it has been a long time.

Food

I like food. Everyone who knows me and have seen my full figure knows I like food. It shows. It’s very obvious.

What kind of food? The kind I should not like. The kind I should not eat a lot of. That’s the kind I like the most. Don’t get me wrong. I like lettuce too, just not on a daily basis.

I do like cheese, bread, meat, chicken, fish, vegetables and spices and combinations of them all.

Food, in my opinion, should be easy to cook and easy to eat. Also it should taste great. Be delicious. If not, I’m not eating it. Unless I’m forced to for some reason or another.

I like to cook. As long as it isn’t a too complicated dish. And as long as the recipe is short and to the point. The best cooking I know involves opening of tin and operation of microwave oven. No, not really. Seriously, the best cooking I know is the cooking done by others: like my mother or even better by my brother the chef (sorry, mom).

Sometimes I wish I could cook as good as they do but I know my limitations. I do not have the passion or motivation to spend that much time to learn and practice cooking. I wish I had but that’s not how I roll.

Same thing about baking. My mother grew up in a bakery, she is the daughter of a baker who in turn was the son of a baker. That means that what she doesn’t know about baking is not worth knowing.  I have learned what little I know about baking from her, obviously. Not that I do a lot of baking. Not that I know why I don’t.

What I know about food I learned from my mother but mostly from my brother the chef. Also I am and always have been curious about food from different parts of the world and wanted to sample various cuisines and dishes or food items that happen to come my way.  If any of my friends mention some food or recipe or anything food related that they like, I make a note of it and often try it out (if possible) to see if I like it too.

I read about food, I read recipes and I read about restaurants. Often look up restaurants online to look at the menu and find out what dishes I would like to try.  I also like photographs of cooking, dishes and food items.

When I go grocery shopping I almost always look for new items to try or at least I make a list in my mind of things I’d like to try later.

Having worked in grocery stores for many years, I have to admit to having a bit of an interest in how food is presented in stores and how the stores look and feel to the consumer. Also I am interested in how food is produced.  It all boils down to the passion for eating good food though. That’s where it all begins. For me, at least.