Not having the best of days. Today I’m at home, due to not feeling well. I have stomach pains that started yesterday and only kept me annoyed through the evening and night. Woke up feeling sick and having the same pain, so I had no choice but to call in sick to the office where I spend my days as a part of a government program for the unemployed. First time in two years I’ve had to stay at home due to illness. I’m mostly not ill, even if I have had my share of health problems over the years.
It was the same for most of the years when I had a job. I was very rarely forced to stay at home due to illness. Until the problems with my legs hit me in the spring of 2001. Then some bad years followed, but since the spring of 2006 I’ve been back to being ill only for a few days a year at the most. At least I’ve not had to stay at home due to illness more than that but I’ve certainly felt unwell a lot more often without being really ill.
I missed out on seeing friends online both last night and today and that has not helped me to feel better. Neither does the weather. Only rain and clouds today. Supposed to rain all day and evening, not ending until tomorrow.
Some might say it’s a perfect time to be ill when there’s nothing to do but stay indoors anyway. I disagree. If I was feeling all ok I would be busy getting ready for my brother arriving to visit tomorrow. Now I don’t even know if I’ll be well enough to enjoy that as much I would like.
Still, at times like these, it’s good to remember it isn’t the end of the world even if it feels like it at the moment.
During this week I have spent some evenings watching the three Jason Bourne movies starring Matt Damon. I liked them all and found the story thrilling all the way to the end.
Yesterday morning I helped my mother go to the doctor to have her eyes examined and operations scheduled. Turned out my mother has lost almost half of her eyesight so having surgery to restore some of that will certainly be helpful.
Later we did some grocery shopping but by then I was in so much pain that I almost threw up when I had returned home.
I know, I ought to see a doctor but I’m still thinking this will go away by itself. It has done so before but only to return. Then go away again.
Then there’s the feeling of already having too many problems to deal with that sort of stops me from getting the energy to take on one more. Probably makes no sense but it makes sense to me. I have walked enough miles in my shoes to know.
So I woke up in the middle of the night again. Had to go to the bathroom. Then I had a pain in my stomach so that I couldn’t sleep for hours. I also had a message but that didn’t cause my pain. It made me smile.
Later I got up and looked through the night of Tumblr posts and reblogged some that I happened to like. Then I read my blog post from yesterday about those certain girls again and felt a bit awkward as I wanted to start editing the text and make it a bit different but then I thought to let it be because it tells a story and even if it makes me look like a loon it’s the story of how it was. I seem to want to return to the past a lot but I guess its only natural considering I’m a bit depressed about the present and the future looks a bit fuzzy too.
There’s one other post I should get started on but I’m still thinking how to write it in a nice way so that it won’t risk breaking the TOS of this blog. The post is a kind of review but not easy to write so that it will be fun and entertaining and not too specific. Well, I will keep thinking and trying it out and see what becomes of it.
I’m going to be spending my day writing job applications mostly. There’s talk of rain coming during the afternoon. Going to be another rather average day I guess.