The time has come, and gone, but now I’m back to the empty page to try to fill it out with some words that may or may not make sense to anyone, including me.
Yes, this past month and a half I slipped back into a mode I thought I had put behind me for good. Not so.
I guess temptation got the better of me. Again. Doing something over and over and expecting it to turn out differently is not very clever. Doing it again while knowing it won’t, is probably even worse. Stupid.
Anyway, I guess I had to do it since I went along and did it. No way to undo it, just one thing to do and that is to stop doing it anymore. I clearly can’t handle it very well so best not to do it at all.
Might take some time for it to sink in that stopping is the only way forward and I will surely miss doing it but I have to be more sensible at this point. The chance I have now to do something that will benefit me in the long run will never return, so I can’t let it slip away by making foolish choices. Already done enough damage to myself and I’m the one who suffers from it.
Still, it didn’t hurt while it happened. Only now, when I see the damage I’ve done.
On the other hand, I had fun. I guess I must find other ways to amuse myself. I thought I had not too long ago but then things happened that made me fall back into the old ways again. The destructive ways.
Dad at 43 years old.1967
Well, Dad, 22 years has passed now without you around to help me. I never thought I would make it this far but here I am. Of course, Mom was a great help for 20 of those years, but now I’m going to have to make it on my own for the rest of my days.
You gave me a great start and I’m forever thankful for the years I got to share with you along with everything I learned from you. You are forever in my thoughts and I will always remember you and all that you did for us all – family, relatives and friends.
Today, May 15, would have been your 93rd birthday and I wanted to write this to express how much you mean to me and how much I miss you and most of all how much I love you, always.
You got to live your dream, so today I hope you take Mom with you and go for a nice flight since flying was your life.
1971. With my mother.
I’m back. Not that I was ever gone but you know what I mean, even when I don’t.
So, April is upon us once again. Today I fear to be made a fool of. Not much different from every other day but I thought I would mention it anyway.
Life moves on. I have some hope for the future but also a fear of what might happen if I can’t do what I hope to do. Time will tell.
Me again. Been living in my new home for a month, tomorrow. Things are starting to settle. I’m starting to feel at home in my new town. However, I’m never going to feel as much at home here as I used to feel where I used to live. Can’t erase all those years and I doubt I’ll live here for as long. I’d have to get to be over 100 years old to do that. Not likely.
However, (there’s that word again), I might still be able to enjoy the rest of my life.
To get some kind of ok job would be nice. I still have another 15-17 years until retirement kick in. If I live to see it happen. Before that happens I would like to have worked some more. This unemployed thing is getting way old now. Not to mention I never know what the politicians will think of next to make life more miserable for the unemployed.
In the old days, politics used to be about changing society for the better. Lately it seems to be about the opposite. At least if you happen to be at the wrong end of the pyramid. Life at the top seems to be as good as always. Life at the bottom just become more unbearable for each passing year. Yet, I know that even the poor are getting less poor. At least on a global scale.
Enough of that now, I just checked in to let you readers know I’m still around and intend to keep this blog alive.
Over & out.
I’m writing this from the kitchen at my new place to dwell. A small flat at the top of a building in a small town to the north from where I used to live.
The past weeks have been so busy. I’m still stressed out from all of it. But, now I’m here and starting to settle in. Got lots of unpacking to do, even if I didn’t bring much with me, but it seems I should have brought even less stuff.
Yesterday I was out for a long walk around the center of town and it struck me how quiet it is here. I’m not used to it yet but I like it already.
Best of all is that almost everything is within easy walking distance. No need to always catch a bus to go somewhere, unless it’s really far away.
A little more snow still on the ground here but the weather has been very nice these last few days. Very sunny and mild.
That’s all for now.
Happy New Year!
At least I hope 2017 will be better for everyone. For the world. For humanity. This blog will continue. During 2017 it will celebrate 12 years of being around. I hope I will be able to update it a bit more often this year.
My New Year celebration was quiet because I have a cold and a headache and have spent a week more or less sleeping and/or resting in bed. Tonight I start to feel slightly better but mostly I feel tired. I’m recovering though.
When I look back on 2016 I don’t see a lot of things to remember. Only a few happy moments, and a lot of sad news from around the world.
One good thing in my life was that I got out of the bankruptcy I had been in for almost 6 years.
I also made some changes in my life for the better in the long run.