The outside world

All posts in the The outside world category

Friday November 17, 2017

Published 11/17/2017 by MoonieZ

Excuse me. I couldn’t think of any headline for this ramble so picking today was the easiest way out of that predicament.

Woke up early today after sleeping almost the whole night through. Still felt tired and not much in the mood for getting out of bed but eventually I made it up.

Not more than an hour later I was at the bus stop waiting to catch a bus to the next town to attend a meeting with a study group to learn more about ways to manage time, energy and activities for people with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I arrived at a reasonable time this time because I almost didn’t go at all. However, once I arrived I started to feel better about the day. And the two hours went by fast. I like the fact that there are only four people in the group and that all are nice and friendly. It makes it all better and more interesting to take part in. Also, I like to meet other people with the same disorder. Just to know I’m not alone helps a lot. The funny thing is that I don’t find any of them strange, to me they all seem “normal”.

Anyway, no matter how interesting it was to be there, I was still very tired when I got on the bus back to my new hometown. Almost fell asleep several times along the way.

My brain is tired. The rest of me isn’t, but since the brain controls the rest of the body its hard to find the energy to do much.

I got home though, and had a nice walk in the sun through the park where the ducks along the canal greeted me with the usual “quack” sounding a bit like laughter.

At last, back in my humble apartment, I heated some food, had some drinks, and sat down to eat. Feeling exhausted.

Is this going to go on much longer? Well, I was wondering when you’d show up, figment of my imagination. You can always trust me to show up when you write boring pointless stuff like this. I know I can because you are a figment of my imagination. Are you sure? Why wouldn’t I be? Not the first time you show up.  And not the last! Well, that depends on if I let you. What do you mean? I make my own destiny! You think so? What if I simply stop typing, where will you be then? I will be right 

Well that’s the end of that. Back to the story of my day. Or perhaps not.

My Friday is rolling along at a slow pace. Pretty good but rather boring. Not much to add.

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Away

Published 11/15/2017 by MoonieZ

Away.

Funny how much one small word can affect your whole world.

Don’t know about your world but that word ‘away’ surely has an effect on my world. My whole being. Didn’t think it would when I first learned you were going away for a week. I thought I would make it without any major difficulty. Perhaps miss you not being around but surely I would be OK. Not so easy, it turned out.

Now three days in, not counting last Sunday, I’m more or less a wreck from missing you.  For two months there was only one day you weren’t around and even that one evening was tough so I should have known this week wouldn’t be a piece of cake.

However, I never figured I’d feel like a part of me had been torn out, that there’d be this empty space, this void in me, where you used to be. That it would hurt to not see you, is something I didn’t count on.

Still, I try to manage. Just finding it hard to fill all this time each day that I used to spend with you with something equally satisfying. Haven’t found anything yet, though. Doubt I will.

Sleep a lot more, eat, drink, play video games, listen to music, think, write – all of it only helps so much when my soul only miss you and long for your return.

I feel bad for feeling this way when I want to be brave and strong and show myself that I can live without seeing you every day. But it seems I can’t. Trying to learn. Slowly.

 

The unexpected

Published 11/05/2017 by MoonieZ

Most of the time I have no clue where I’ll end up when I start to write. Sometimes that works very well but at other times the result is just a mess of unfinished ideas.

What this will end up being is impossible to tell at this stage.

Same feeling of not knowing what will be or even happen next is what I’ve got when I see my new friend online.

Even as I like the constant status of never knowing what will happen next , it doesn’t always sit well with my anxiety and worry about not being able to predict what will happen. At times I succumb to a lot of emotional stress but I do my best to fight it.

The overall feeling is happiness after all. Perhaps even a level of happiness I have never experienced before. So spending time with my friend is most likely only good for me. Despite the fact that I sometimes worry a lot.

However, I think I’m also learning to handle my fears and worries about the unpredictable unknown through the interaction with my friend. So, I’m positive about the whole experience. Even if it drains a lot energy from me it also gives me energy and makes the rest of my life easier to handle.  I’m not feeling all alone anymore.  I have something to care about – and someone to care about. It takes me away from only thinking about my problems and worrying about them. Instead I can focus on others, and on having fun.

Surely, I could do this without the internet and the online world but even if it’s a mediated experience it’s still about social interaction and dealing with real thoughts and feelings so I do think it’s all good in the end.

Still I’m sometimes surprised about all of this and find myself wondering if it’s just” a dream I will eventually wake up from,  but then I remember it is actually really happening here and now.

I like where I am now

Published 10/28/2017 by MoonieZ

Well I guess I owe Don Henley for todays headline. His song Where I Am Now actually inspired me to start writing this little update to my life and times.

A lot of things has happened lately and more to come soon. Both personal and work related things.

I’m not sure my brain is keeping up and emotions have been kind of all over the place.

First of all I’m feeling happy. Happier than ever, probably. Somebody has a lot to do with that happiness in my being. To hold on to that will be the great challenge for the coming days, weeks, months. And should it not be possible I’ll at least always have the memory of it all.

Never felt more alive than now. To put a price on that is impossible. All I can do is be thankful for it happening right now.

Positive energy and thinking has been guiding me forward and makes life easier to face. Not that the problems are gone, but I’m starting to see and find solutions now instead of getting stuck in thinking nothing is possible.

On the work front good things are coming soon. And after that I might be on my way to a real job again. I would be very happy if that happens. Been so long that I had lost all hope but now somehow things have started to take a turn for the better.

I’m part of a study group to learn more about how to handle problems associated with ASD and it is also a very positive experience. The people I meet there are friendly and I feel happy to learn from them and share my own ideas and ways of coping with the disorder.

So there are many good things going on now. That’s why I like where I am now.

Moved in at new home

Published 02/16/2017 by MoonieZ

Hello, readers!

I’m writing this from the kitchen at my new place to dwell. A small flat at the top of a building in a small town to the north from where I used to live.

The past weeks have been so busy. I’m still stressed out from all of it. But, now I’m here and starting to settle in. Got lots of unpacking to do, even if I didn’t bring much with me, but it seems I should have brought even less stuff.

Yesterday I was out for a long walk around the center of town and it struck me how quiet it is here. I’m not used to it yet but I like it already.

Best of all is that almost everything is within easy walking distance. No need to always catch a bus to go somewhere, unless it’s really far away.

A little more snow still on the ground here but the weather has been very nice these last few days. Very sunny and mild.

That’s all for now.

2017

Published 01/01/2017 by MoonieZ

Happy New Year!

At least I hope 2017 will be better for everyone. For the world. For humanity. This blog will continue. During 2017 it will celebrate 12 years of being around. I hope I will be able to update it a bit more often this year.

My New Year celebration was quiet because I have a cold and a headache and have spent a week more or less sleeping and/or resting in bed. Tonight I start to feel slightly better but mostly I feel tired. I’m recovering though.

When I look back on 2016 I don’t see a lot of things to remember. Only a few happy moments, and a lot of sad news from around the world.

One good thing in my life was that I got out of the bankruptcy I had been in for almost 6 years.

I also made some changes in my life for the better in the long run.

Moving

Published 12/02/2016 by MoonieZ

I’ll be moving in the coming months. Not yet sure to where or exactly when but it will happen. First time in 43 years I move to a new home  so I’m a bit rusty on the whole thing. Not sure how I feel about it all or how it will be to forever leave the house built by my parents, but I guess I will know for sure when the day arrives.

Until then I have a lot to do to get where I’m going. I just hope I will have the energy I need to get it all done.

So, I might not be able to update this blog a lot in the coming weeks but I’ll be back, just like the Terminator.

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