Television

All posts tagged Television

Midsummer

Published 06/25/2016 by MoonieZ

Midsummer eve, a day of celebration only second to Christmas in Sweden. I’m not going to explain it. If you need to know more, search the internet.

The Boss – Bruce Springsteen – is in Gothenburg with his band for shows. Kind of a midsummer tradition in a way. And the weather is kind of great even if it rained during the night and this morning.

I’m celebrating kind of low-key this year. Not that I mind. I’m used to being by myself. Not good in large groups, takes too much energy away from me to try to handle all the information when I can’t sort it out.

The news this morning of the British having voted to leave the European Union was a shock to me. And I believe a much greater shock for the 48,1% of the British people who voted to stay in the EU.

It took away much of my wish to celebrate Midsummer but I wouldn’t have been celebrating much anyway.

Talked to my brothers on the phone and then my aunt. All seemed to be fine and having a good day. Was good to know.

I struggle with getting things done that I know I have to do but don’t have any motivation for doing. After so many years it gets harder to find any ways to freshen it up and keep me motivated. Of course I know I’ll get it done anyway but it feels so much of a burden lately. No way out of it though.

Still, my life is kind of getting better lately. Not any major change but small steps adding up. No luck in finding a job, no luck in finding a suitable place to live and no luck in finding that love that keeps eluding me. Might be because I’m not looking hard enough or in the right places or perhaps I don’t know how to look for any of it. No idea.

But I enjoy life the way I know how. Have started watching Orange Is The New Black again and still find it fun and interesting to see where all the characters will end up.

Same goes for Game of Thrones. Those are the only shows I watch now. Sometimes I watch some movies but not as much as earlier this year. I find that there aren’t a lot of really good movies around anymore. Or perhaps I’ve grown out of the genre movies. I keep returning to the “old” movies I already know because they are still good.

My internet friends also keep me smiling. Without them, I’d be lost.

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Snow of December

Published 12/17/2014 by MoonieZ

Hey there people….

So this is December and what have I learned? Another year over and a new one waiting  in the wings ready to begin.

Lots of changes this year. Well, perhaps only a few but still changes.

Changed place of “work” twice. Not for the better but still I hang on because there is nothing else I can do.  I’m learning some Photoshop for the time being. Not the most fun I’ve ever had, I’d rather be working on my own projects or at least be writing like I did at the beginning of this year.

Been unemployed now for six whole years since my last employment. Counting all the time of unemployment I’m at a total of seven and a half years and still running. No change in sight but I still keep my hope against hope, I will get lucky one of these days.

I can hear some people say, Hey dude you’re doing something wrong! It can’t be that hard to find a paying job, not even for a loser like you! 

You might be right. Then again, I can’t tell because all I know is that I have been trying for all these years and the results are what they are, regardless of how I or you feel about it or what we might think is the reason behind it all. Looking back is useless. I’m going to go on. I can point my finger at myself and say I’m to blame but does it really help in the long run? I’m still stuck where I am and I’m the one who has to get me unstuck. Do I do that by constantly blaming myself for not getting unstuck fast enough or by actually using my energy to continue to try getting unstuck? You be the judge, I know what I think.

Enough is enough.

I still live like a loner. No change there. Nobody fell in love with me this year too. I didn’t fall in love with anyone. Not that there has been a great number of possible lovers around. I have to get out of my comfort zone for anything to change in that department. I’ve known that a long time but I still do nothing about it. Maybe I’ve given up. Or perhaps I just think it takes too much time and energy away from this job hunting thing.

Anyway I’ve had plenty of dates with Miss Righty, she’s always available for a bit of fun. Luckily she has never refused my invitation after all these years.

Pathetic. Still the truth. Laugh it up. It’s on me.

Sons of Anarchy ended the only way it could. Inspired by Shakespeare tragedy as it was. A very entertaining piece of television drama. Even if all of the seven seasons weren’t really all great the final ride was one hell of a ride from start to finish.

The fifth season of The Walking Dead has been a bit of hit and miss even of it is still better than most of season four so far. Will return with a final verdict once the whole season is finished.

Game of Thrones still keeps me wanting more even if I have trouble with the author’s habit of killing off all the interesting characters every now and then, with a few exceptions of course.

Out of all the cooking shows starring the great Gordon Ramsay, I still like MasterChef USA the most. Even though Hell’s Kitchen is a strong contender for the number one spot.

I have made an effort to start watching other shows during the year but not really been hooked by any as much the ones I mention above.

Many movies have passed by my eyes also. Thanks to Netflix and HBO Nordic.  Too many to mention any titles.

Then, last but not least,  the music. Spotify keeps me listening to all my favorites old and new. I still have my one big playlist that I keep editing as the tracks come and go. I add and subtract and still it stays like a portrait of my soul. The soundtrack of my life.

Oh yeah, it snowed today.

Hey there, people

Published 09/07/2014 by MoonieZ

I’m SwedishMoon…

Yes I know, I had a Frank Zappa moment there for a second or two. Ain’t it funny how that one song is the one everyone seems to connect with Zappa when the man made so much great music? Not saying that song is bad but still, there is so much more music to the name Zappa.

Ok, that little rant is not the topic of this post. I just happened to think of it while typing the headline.

September is here again. Yes, I know it has been a week of it already but you see I haven’t been up to writing anything. As usual.  The times when I had to express myself every day of the year seem to have vanished. Now I’m happy if it happens once a month or even less. Besides, nobody reads blogs anymore anyway, right?

Well, I still read a few from time to time but to be honest I spend more time reading Twitter and Tumblr these days.  Even so, I like to keep this blog alive because I want to reach the 10 year mark next year. Also I’m still thinking of trying to make something more out of the texts I have published over the years. Will see where that leads.

At the new office place I’m at most of my days, I still struggle to find a meaning and a new project to work on. I am waiting for the election to be over so that things might change. With a new government things will change because policy is going to change.  If nothing happens, I’m not sure how much longer I can go on seeing my life go to waste.

Yes, I know if I want to see change I will have to be the change. Easy to say. I’ll tell you this: walk a year in my shoes then come back and say that again if you still think it is so easy.

Of course I’m still searching for employment. Not much else to do, if I wish to find something. No luck though.

My health is somewhat all over the map. Lately, I’ve been pretty good but it changes a lot. I know I would be better if I had been doing a real job for all these years instead of  only looking for jobs. The stress sometimes makes me feel like I don’t want to live but I usually fight that feeling. Many times I feel useless though. Forgotten by society and only considered as a statistic.

Thankful for the friends I still keep in touch with. Not sure I’d go on without you all.  Music and movies provide some relief and renewed energy, but mostly comfort and escape from reality. Same goes for TV shows.

Look, I managed to repeat myself again. Time to leave.

Peace out.

Regrets and thoughts about a prison show

Published 07/20/2014 by MoonieZ

Hi, I’m here.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have done something and immediately started to regret what you just did?

Happened to me earlier this week. I made a choice to do something I started to regret the same moment I did it. It was simply something I could have been better off avoiding. My only reason to do it was that I was kind of excited and I felt like getting off, fast and simple. Instead I almost didn’t enjoy the moment due to thinking about why I did it,  when I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted and not what I had planned. My regrets made me feel almost sick. The rest of the week I have been thinking a lot about why I suddenly slipped and gave in to an urge I’m usually able to control. Why this sudden weakness now, after years of control? Perhaps the simple reason is I was feeling so lonely that a few minutes of this thing was something that seemed like it could help me forget my lonely feeling. Or perhaps it was just stupid. I had the means and I did it. I shouldn’t have but I did it anyway. Bad decision.

The last few days I have been binge-watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix. I started to watch the first episode a while ago but never got the idea at that time. This time around I found myself hooked almost from the first minute.

Perhaps I can relate to the setting of a prison because my current place of  “work” feels a lot like a prison, except I don’t know when I’ll be set free. And of course I’m not locked up in there at  night. However some character in the series thinks prison is like highschool in some ways and I can relate to that too. All of the drama and the gangs and the ones who are “in” or “out”, the winners and the losers. All there. The feeling of not being in control of your own destiny.

Anyway, I like the show. Some of the characters are written in a really great way while others aren’t. The main character I don’t like much as a person but she’s pretty to look at. I find myself liking some of the ones who aren’t featured in the foreground. I also like that the reasons for the characters being in prison are revealed  a piece at a time. Makes me think about how many ways there are to trip yourself up during a lifetime.

April it is

Published 04/06/2014 by MoonieZ

Looks like I’m down to one post a month again. Sorry, readers.

Not enough happening to write about. Not enough news to report. Not enough of anything beside I feel like shit and I can’t help it texts to post. I’ve done too many of those over the years.

Anyway, April is here and spring is trying to get a hold of this cold northern country. The light is returning day by day and somehow the will to make some effort also.

I don’t like the place I’m at. There’s nothing going on there. Just a bunch of people in an office letting time slip away. If only they didn’t seem to not care about it. Some even seem to be happy to waste their time away on nothing. I can’t share that feeling. For me this is not what I want to do. I’m seriously thinking about requesting a change. Not that I really think  any other place will be that much better but perhaps I can be able to do something that matters in some way or another.

I didn’t think I’d miss the other place and the people as much as I do but it was a more positive feeling there. People cared. There were projects going on, to be a part of, and things were produced. There was a sense of community. Anyway enough about that.

On HBO Game of Thrones returns today with the fourth season. I’m already thrilled. Watching this show will help get me through the coming weeks.

Not too soon

Published 03/26/2014 by MoonieZ

Just when the time is right, I return once more to this deserted place in cyberspace. Couldn’t help myself, so you just have to accept this as it is. That’s all.

Alive, still. Life is a struggle but what are the options? I have to keep living. Have to? Yes, there’s no choice unless I kill myself  but I haven’t the stomach for it. So I try. In the face of Yoda, I try. I should know there is no try but still I try. What else is there to do? I know, I know – do or do not. Had to throw that in there. Had to. For better or worse, the nerd in me got the best of me there.

I have had a few weeks at the new office by now. Not really happy with it. Not as good as the other one. The people are nice, at least nobody bothers me but I don’t feel at home there and I miss having the newsletter to work for, to write for. I miss the whole place. It was much more like a real job and the air was better. This new office is too warm, I can’t function in too warm places, my brain overheat.

The main thing is the things I work on now, to write, are not what I really want to do. But mostly I don’t like working on texts that will not reach any readers. To not have readers makes it pointless to make an effort to write anything at all.  Still, I’m writing. Here and there, now and then. Trying to keep myself from going crazy.  Nothing I can do. It is what it is.

The great TV show True Detective on HBO has finished its first season. I was glued to each episode, some of them I have watched more than once. Also the music has been fabulous. Now I only wait for Game of Thrones season 4 to start. I’m not sure it will be better than True Detective but I know I will be watching it all the same.

My mother turned 90 years old last week. The party was fun. A lot of family and friends gathered. Only the weather wasn’t so nice, so it was good the party was indoors.

 

My 2013: another wasted year

Published 12/28/2013 by MoonieZ

Yep, boys and girls, you did read that one right.

No sense in any false optimism. This year has pretty much gone by and been a total waste of time.

I started it being unemployed and poor and in pain. I end it mostly the same. No job, no money but with a lot less pain. Only good thing about it. My stomach isn’t giving me as much pain as it did at the start of the year.

During the year I have applied for hundreds of jobs, not even getting in for an interview for any of them. Of course I’ve spent hours and even days going over what I’m doing wrong, what can be improved and I have changed things around, tried new ways to express myself in my applications. Also looked at more types of work to see if that will help. Still no results to show but I keep on working on it.

At the office I’m now down to my last weeks of my stay there. I have to find another place to be at, because those are the rules of the unemployment game that have been set by our present administration. They believe in putting all the pressure of resolving unemployment on each individual and making it a simple case of it being only a matter of trying hard enough and it will be solved. Instead I prefer to think of unemployment as problem for the whole society to solve at the level of policy rather than at the level of each individual. However, what I think is not relevant. All I can do is follow the rules and keep working on not being out of work.

For the last few months I have been involved in the new office newsletter and have contributed  a few texts about cinema related topics. It has been a really fun experience and I’m sad it will soon end. My blog project has not made a lot of progress but I have lots of unfinished texts still around for it.

The most important result from my three years the office has been that I was able to finally finish my degree at the university. It only took 12 years longer than I had planned, but it doesn’t matter now that I have it. And I didn’t work toward it during most of these 12 years. I gave it up for a long time and without the help from the staff at the office I would never have got it done. But all of that happened in the first year. The second year was kind of a downhill ride into unfocused “work” and then all the stomach pains that stopped me from a lot of things I could have been doing better.  This third year started kind of dark and negative but through the summer I managed to find a new focus and motivate myself to get back into the game again. Then the newsletter project came along and I jumped on it.

Now I have to start the new year with finding a new place to be before my time at the office is up. I have no idea what will be available but I wish to find a place where I’ll have some control over what I’ll be doing and which will be suitable for developing the knowledge and skills I have so that I can use it to find a job.

Still, to have few days “off” for Christmas and New Years is very good for me. I feel the need to relax and find some new energy in order to get back on track for the new year and all the changes happening.

A really good thing during this year is all my friends from the internet. Don’t think I would be as strong without people to talk to and care about. Also my family and relatives have been there most of the time.

Music and movies and some television have provided distraction, entertainment but also ideas and renewed motivation to keep on going.

Good food has kept me alive and sometimes made life a little easier to live.

But, still the bottom line is that this year is another year wasted for me. Another year on the sidelines waiting to get back into the game. One more year on hold while everything and everybody rush on by leaving me behind.

Poverty is now a reality. Yes, I’m poor. I survive but that’s all I do. I have a budget for every month, I stick to it. What little room for anything extra there is, I use to take my mind away from my situation at times. No, I’m not taking drugs, I don’t smoke, I never touch alcohol and I don’t gamble. But I do what I do keep myself going.

So, that’s that.