[Started this 5 days ago. Edited and published today]
Is in my brain. Driving me nuts. I’m so confused by everything. Feel lost. Like all I do is futile.
Sometimes I wonder if everyone else is playing a game I don’t know how to play? Aren’t words meant to mean something or is it just me who believes that they always do? Am I wrong for believing it or am I missing some piece of the puzzle? How will I know?
Yes, I have trouble to identify a joke sometimes, and take it seriously when it’s not intended to be. I don’t always detect irony or sarcasm even if it doesn’t happen a lot that I misunderstand. So, I believe that words spoken (or written) to me are honest and true and should be taken seriously. Maybe that is where I fail?
I’m also easily confused if the meaning of what is said to me is not clear and to the point. So often do I find it impossible to figure out a vague message that it melts my brain to even try. If I can, I ask for clarification.
Some say actions speak louder than words and I find that to hold some truth. At least when the words and actions no longer match up.
Like when you say someone or something is very important to you and then you hardly make any time for them in your life. Of course there can be times when its impossible to find the time but not all the time. Not if they really do matter.
Or when you send messages but almost never have a reply of any kind. Then you can’t help but wonder why and also start to doubt if it means anything to the other person that you try to communicate with them. At least if there is no reasonable explanation given.
I often think I ought to ask why when that happens, but I rarely do. Somehow I think that if it really mattered the other person would reply at some point. That’s why I think asking why they don’t will probably not change anything. Except perhaps give me a reason why not.
The feeling that you might be starting to matter less to someone is hard to deal with though. Especially when it happens without any real reason. At least no reason I can think of.
Sure, I’m not perfect myself. Far from it. I make lots of mistakes and misunderstand things. All I can do is to try to learn to communicate better.