All posts tagged grief


Published 05/28/2016 by MoonieZ


I’m back to haunt you once more. Just when you thought it safe to return to this deserted blog on the edge of town. Not far from the darkness that dwells there.

Anyway, I’ve had some interesting days to say the least.

Many laps around the rollercoaster called life lately. Many different feelings. Highs and lows.

Some matters have been resolved, some are pending and some remains to be seen where they end up.

Still, the question of where to live, where to move to, remains ro be resolved. I’m still not sure what I really want to do but I’m not alone in making the change. My brothers have a say in it also.

Getting help from the municipality seems to be a long struggle where the eventual outcome is highly uncertain.

Finding a place to rent is not easy, and buying one in the current market is very expensive. So, to make a long story short, I’m kind of stuck where I am for the time being.

I feel a lot of stress due to this situation, and I’m not sure anyone else really understand how I feel. My ASD is not making having an uncertain future any easier or less stressful.

Luckily I have some nice people to communicate with who help take my mind off of the stress and let me have fun and enjoy myself. I’m very  grateful to have them around.

Perhaps I could manage without friends but I feel it makes life easier to have a few. Most of my life I haven’t had many friends. Most of the time only one or two or none at all.

I don’t find friends easily, and I have some trouble keeping them. I have trouble with social interactions and don’t like being around many people at once.

One at a time, works best for me. Not always easy to explain to everyone I happen to meet.

Summer is around the corner. Some beautiful warm days have already passed by but I hope the best is yet to come.

Then there is the matter of grief. One thinks it will fade away through the passing of time but it doesn’t work that way. I’d say it starts to sink its claws in you when you think it has disappeared. Every month around the 22nd, I have a minor breakdown. I think I will always feel that way. I know I will always miss my parents, and perhaps my mother more than my father because I spent more time with my mother and because my mother’s passing happened so fast. There was no way to say goodbye.

I find that music helps a lot to sort out all kinds of feelings.


Death sucks, but we have to live with it

Published 11/04/2015 by MoonieZ

Dear readers,

My activity around here has been low lately. There are reasons.

One very big reason is that my life changed last month on the 13th, in the afternoon, when my dear mother suffered a major stroke she would eventually not manage recover from. Little did I know about the outcome as I was busy helping her get back inside her house and then calling the emergency service. The ambulance arrived very fast and from then on she got the best possible care and treatment at the hospital until the moment on the 22nd when she passed away very calm and at peace. No drama, no pain. Just a very old woman sleeping the eternal sleep. Coming to rest. Leaving us three sons behind to deal with the pain and sorrow of loss.

I find comfort in the fact that she didn’t suffer and that she got to have a long life (91 years) of almost no major medical problems or need of much aid to take care of herself. She was busy with her usual garden work when the stroke hit. I’m only glad I was around to help her so that she didn’t have to be alone when it happened.

Through this I have had a very strong feeling of peace. Not at all like the time 20 years ago when my father passed away. That was worse somehow. Probably because I was still young and that it was my first real close encounter with the death of a parent. I had no idea about anything then. This time I knew what to expect. I knew what it would feel like. Also, my father was ill and in treatment for almost a year before he passed. He had a lot of pain at times and it was a very drawn out end. Probably also a reason why it hit me so hard.

Of course I’m sad and of course I miss my mother but I was ready for her passing in a way because it is a part of life that it eventually ends and I knew that with each year the end was coming a little closer. Sure, I would very much like to still have my mom around but not if it means she would not have a good quality of life or would not be able to do the things she loved. I wouldn’t want that at all. It wouldn’t be fair.

Anyway, this is just a bit of information for my readers so I will not elaborate any further.

Stay safe and take care of yourselves and your loved ones.

Things can change so fast.

%d bloggers like this: