All posts tagged brothers


Published 05/28/2016 by MoonieZ


I’m back to haunt you once more. Just when you thought it safe to return to this deserted blog on the edge of town. Not far from the darkness that dwells there.

Anyway, I’ve had some interesting days to say the least.

Many laps around the rollercoaster called life lately. Many different feelings. Highs and lows.

Some matters have been resolved, some are pending and some remains to be seen where they end up.

Still, the question of where to live, where to move to, remains ro be resolved. I’m still not sure what I really want to do but I’m not alone in making the change. My brothers have a say in it also.

Getting help from the municipality seems to be a long struggle where the eventual outcome is highly uncertain.

Finding a place to rent is not easy, and buying one in the current market is very expensive. So, to make a long story short, I’m kind of stuck where I am for the time being.

I feel a lot of stress due to this situation, and I’m not sure anyone else really understand how I feel. My ASD is not making having an uncertain future any easier or less stressful.

Luckily I have some nice people to communicate with who help take my mind off of the stress and let me have fun and enjoy myself. I’m very  grateful to have them around.

Perhaps I could manage without friends but I feel it makes life easier to have a few. Most of my life I haven’t had many friends. Most of the time only one or two or none at all.

I don’t find friends easily, and I have some trouble keeping them. I have trouble with social interactions and don’t like being around many people at once.

One at a time, works best for me. Not always easy to explain to everyone I happen to meet.

Summer is around the corner. Some beautiful warm days have already passed by but I hope the best is yet to come.

Then there is the matter of grief. One thinks it will fade away through the passing of time but it doesn’t work that way. I’d say it starts to sink its claws in you when you think it has disappeared. Every month around the 22nd, I have a minor breakdown. I think I will always feel that way. I know I will always miss my parents, and perhaps my mother more than my father because I spent more time with my mother and because my mother’s passing happened so fast. There was no way to say goodbye.

I find that music helps a lot to sort out all kinds of feelings.



Published 05/18/2016 by MoonieZ

Hey, readers!

Been a few emotional days lately. For me. What it has been like for you, I haven’t got a clue about.

Anyway, yesterday I helped put my mother (or her ashes) in her final resting place next to my father.

Me and my brothers were all gathered for the simple ceremony of carrying the wooden urn from the church to the grave. My maternal uncle and my oldest nephew were also present. I was the one to set the urn into the ground. Somehow, after doing that I felt all at peace. I knew that it was all done, the interment was the final step in the whole burial ceremony. Now, I can move on forward. A kind of relief.

After a coffee break at the local coffee-house, I spent the rest of the day with my brother the drummer/chef. We talked, cooked dinner, listened to music and relaxed.

This morning I woke up rather early and spent a few hours talking to my brother until our uncle called and invited us out for lunch.

We went by car to a nice restaurant and had a nice lunch, including dessert and coffee. Then some grocery shopping before heading home. The weather today has been fabulous. Sunny and warm.

My brother has gone to see an old friend from his youth, and I’ve had a few slush mojitos before starting to write this rather dull update.

All that remains is to end it.

Oh, I know the headline is “Emotions” but I think the emotions are present without being spelled out. Then again, I could be wrong.


Christmas 2011

Published 12/24/2011 by MoonieZ

Hello.  It’s Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to all my readers and followers of this blog. I hope you all are having a happy holiday season.

I’m not having a good day today, but I will survive.

Have had a lot of arguments with my mother and I feel somewhat depressed. Have felt depressed for a long time.

I thought I had sorted things out at one point but it seems I’ve only imagined I had. My life is not happening and I no longer know what to do. I just want to get away from myself.

Woke up today very early after sleeping badly and having a dream I thought was real. Had a lot to do to prepare for Christmas dinner with my  mother and my oldest brother and his wife.

While I was busy with this and feeling stressed and unhappy I remembered how Christmas used to be when I was growing up and when I was younger.

For many years I looked forward to Christmas. I used to really love seeing my brothers and their families and enjoyed all the food and presents and every other tradition.
Since my father’s death, however, I’ve had a growing feeling of not enjoying Christmas as much. Things changed, people have changed but still everyone seems to cling to the idea of Christmas always being the same traditional celebration as ever before. Only nobody really like it as much anymore. It’s so obvious that its more of a chore than a celebration. No matter that most of the food is no longer cooked from scratch and that we no longer give presents or even have Christmas tree indoors.

Still, I feel bad for not enjoying Christmas as much as before and for not feeling happy but only stressed and tired. Most of all I wish to spend my holiday relaxing and just enjoy some good company, talk, read, listen to music, watch some TV.

I got a book as a Christmas present from my brother the chef/drummer. A book about the leader of the band my brother used to be in during the late 1970’s.  It’s a nice , heavy book and I’m happy to have it but at the same time I feel guilty for not having anything to give in return.

My oldest brother gave me a book for Christmas too. A book about depressions and how to deal with such feelings and problems. I know he cares but still I feel like I’m only a burden to everyone and that I should just cheer up and at least pretend to be happy and without any worries.

The food was good though and I’ve had a lot of it as usual. Same story every year.

Now I hope to enjoy some Christmas peace and then go to sleep.

Don’t know what I’ll be doing tomorrow. As little as possible is my wish.




The way things are

Published 07/25/2011 by MoonieZ

Not much to say. I could write about the recent tragedy in Norway where one terrorist managed to kill almost 100 people before being caught by the police.  I could write about the weather being rather dull and not looking like it will change for the better. I could write about my continued agony over my writing project at the office. I could write about having finished reading another book. I could write about what I think about that book. I could write about how much I care about some people I know. I could write about how happy I am to have my brothers to talk to. I could write about how much I enjoy driving. I could write about the fact that I have no idea what to write next but that I am writing something anyway just to fill the page with words. I could write about the way I always seem to get lost at the end of my posts just before I end it all and call it a day. I could write about my long hair and how I need to have it cut. I could write about how I am a lazy bum who never seem to get things done. I could write that a comment like that isn’t exactly helping me to actually get things done. I could write about the way I never seem to reach the end of a post like this before it has become so boring to read even the most patient reader is put to sleep by it.  I could write about the fact that I don’t know why I write some things but that they kind of appear anyway almost like magic. I could write that this is the end, beautiful friend the end, because it is.


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