Video has been removed at YouTube.
Roy Orbison – She’s A Mystery To Me
Neil Young – Like A Hurricane (unplugged version)
Bruce Springsteen – Back In Your Arms
Instead of trying to use a lot of words to describe my state of mind today, I listen to some of the talented few who are able to turn their words and music into great art.
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Find the balance.
The thought of the day happens to remind me of the movie The Karate Kid (1984) in which the main character is told by his teacher to find the balance with everything. I guess it isn’t too bad advice. When the kid in the movie learns a few lessons of life and learns how to really use karate, he also finds the balance and everything is groovy. Sorry if this spoils the movie for anyone but it is after all 2011 and I can’t be responsible for those of you who haven’t seen the movie yet.
So my thought is this: I ought to look for balance also. And better not stumble on it once I find it. That’ll be the hardest part probably. Anyway I’m also in the process of learning some valuable lessons of my own. Like I’ve always believed that the best things in life are free…but lately I have started to believe that the lyric of the song Money (That’s What I Want) is closer to the truth. (I want money…) In some ways and in certain situations at least.
I haven’t got much money though. The odd thing is that I don’t miss it but I do miss what I could do with it if I had it. Not having it makes life more difficult. I also question if I am worth anything at all without money in my pocket. Not very fond of that question but I still find I must answer it. Often enough I might shrug it off and think that I am worth a lot more than money, but sometimes I think that maybe I’m not. My worth is based upon the amount of money in my wallet. My buying power. Since most of society is based upon commerce in order to make progress and produce wealth, an individual without money to buy things is a rather useless individual in the big scheme of things. So, I’ve concluded that I’m rather useless too. Does that mean I give up my breath and drop dead where I stand? No. It does mean that I know my place though. At the bottom. I’ll be staying there until I find a way to climb back up again. At least to the level I used to be before I fell. How did I fall? Well I was too bold, I flew too close to the sun. Overestimated my worth. Thought I had more money than I actually had. At least I used to spend more than I could afford, thinking I’d manage somehow. I didn’t. In the end reality caught up with me and the crash was inevitable. It was a long fall and a harsh landing but I survived it and after getting back on my feet I decided to work my way back up, only this time do it in a better way and not fly to close to the sun. Until then, though, I have to face the reality of a life without wealth and without worth. Sure if life serves you lemons you should make lemonade, but that’s easier to say or think than actually do. Sometimes it is easier to just stop trying at all and let it all be. I’m not going to, though, even if I am not much fond of lemonade (allergic to lemons).
Do I seem bitter? Maybe I am, or at least I’m feeling a bit down on my luck again this morning. Maybe I went too far in my efforts so I lost sight of the balance. That balance I can’t seem to be able to find or maintain. Maybe I did fly too high, intoxicated by my hopes and dreams. Maybe I wanted too much, too soon and lost sight of reality because of it. Maybe I gave more than I needed to give, maybe I happened to expect something more to come out of my relentless giving, maybe I am just a fool who never learns when to stop… Maybe I should just relax and learn to have some fun. Maybe that’s all true or maybe not. I do know I will not give up. I will go on being me, giving what I’ve got. Learn something, yes, but go on I will just the same. There’s no other way.
This concludes my venting for today. I will now return to normal.
Yes. Woke up early to another Monday. Still dark outside. Feeling slightly humble. Guess it is an inevitable result of yesterday’s euphoria to be back firmly on the ground again. Should never fly to close to the sun. As if I didn’t know that. Will have to stay grounded, always works best in the long run. However, it was a nice view up there among the clouds. I’ll probably return there once I fall asleep again. For now, I have work to do.
SwedishMoon 