January 2024

Last year was not a good year, it was mostly average at best.

This blog is no longer a project I spend any time on but I keep it up online because I like to go back and read some of the posts from way back when I used to write a lot more.

Last day of 2022

Another year gone by.

Not a whole lot to report. I’m still alive. Still looking for employment.

Worried about the future for many reasons.

I learned new things about my health as I struggled through the year. Started the year with no meds, ending it with two.

That’s all.

Happy New Year!

Last day of 2021

Not much to write about this year.

It was mostly about waiting for things to happen.

And a struggle – at times – to maintain my mental health.

I have little hope for 2022 but if it turns out even slightly better , I will be OK.

Not sure why I keep adding to this blog but it seems I can’t let go of it.

Stay safe and fwiw :

Happy New Year!

16 years ago

I started this blog back in June of 2005. Never imagined it would still be up and somewhat active 16 years later.

Most of these years I have been unemployed, that is the one thing I still hope will change some day. Not sure how or when, because all my struggle to change it so far has resulted in nothing.

Anyway, the weather is lovely and I feel Ok so I will not ramble on much more.

Peace

A year later

2021.

Checking in. Still alive. Living the best life ever would be to stretch the truth way beyond breaking point. Let’s just say I live and let that be enough.

Things could be different but for now I just float on down the river.

2020

Yes. I made it this far. Just enough to write this short note. Nothing much going on. Still living, one day at a time.

Peace.

End of a decade

Hey!

What to write about my decade?

Not much.

A decade of unemployment. Depression. Thoughts about suicide. Learning I have autism. My mother passed away. I moved away from the place I called home for almost 50 years. Settled in a new home in a new town. Started over in many ways. Wasted a lot of money on a fantasy when I wanted to escape the pain and sorrow in my life . Learned I have to live through it and with it. No one can run away from it. Useless to try.

Looked for happiness in the wrong place. Anxiety. Episodes of feeling really down and out. Trying to get on with life and finding the energy to cope with everything. Sadness and longing. Wanting to return to the place I used to be in.  Crying a lot. Had a few laughs also. Here and there. Wondering when I will find a job. Have a sense of meaning. Belong to something. To contribute. Make use of my talents and knowledge. Get to use all those years of education.

Love?

A decade of one step up and two steps back. Over and over.

Over and out.

The end is near

The end of the year. Not the end of me.

I used to write about everything and anything for many years. Now I hardly feel like writing a word at all. Funny how one can change like that. Maybe I ought to start painting again. Haven’t touched a brush for almost 6 months. I just think some kind of expression would be good.

 

Snowy November

Hello!

Not much going on. The job training program I started at last month is a lot like starting over with the same thing I did two years ago. Not really motivated to do it. Only one way to go: forward. Hope it will lead to the answers I’m looking for.

The first snow has arrived. Makes the world a bit less dark but it still is hard to get used to the dark time of the year. Sun sets in the afternoon. At least it won’t last forever. Already looking forward to Spring.

Still not decided if this will be going on much longer or not. When I look back I still think I want to keep this blog just because of all the things I already posted. Other times I think of saving the content and then deleting the blog.

Not the news

Ok, October.

I’m looking forward to things happening this month. Maybe it will be something good at the end of it. Not sure yet. Have to wait and see.

At least the waiting is over. For now.

Not much else to report. The weather gets colder. Days are shorter. Or the amount of daylight hours. Days are the same.

I feel a bit better in some ways and worse in others. There is one thing about my health I really have to take care of but not sure how to start or how to get it done. Must figure that out soon.

How much longer I will keep updating this blog I’m not sure of. Seems I never get around to writing much. I used to love to write for so many years but lately I just can’t get myself to do it. Probably because my life is rather empty. So nothing to write about.

I used to write fiction a long time ago but I can’t say I entertain that thought much. Sometimes I have an idea for a character or a story but I don’t write it down and I forget what it was the next day.

Maybe I’ll keep this going a little while longer. At least to the end of the year.

Peace.