All posts tagged nostalgia

Dream on

Published 03/13/2013 by MoonieZ

It will happen. Yeah, right.  Tell me some more stories.

All I know is that nothing I dreamed of has happened but plenty of what I haven’t dreamed of has happened. Explain that, if you can.

So, back to the business of today.

For a time I have been feeling somewhat depressed. I lack energy, motivation and interest.  Nothing makes me really happy and nothing really excites me. Mostly things seem dull.

At the office things keep changing but there’s no structure. Projects are started but not finished. Instead there are new projects coming up. People come and go and suddenly they’re gone for good.

I try to focus on the things I need to do to get out of the situation I’m in. Same situation for years. No job.  I work my project also. Write. Try to write. Read a lot. Try to stay in touch with the real world out there where people have real jobs and income. Follow the news media to see where society is going and what’s happening in politics.

The rest of my time, I mostly want to sleep because I’m always tired and I want to escape this place I’m stuck in.

I miss people to talk to. I miss friends. I miss feeling happy. I miss life. I miss having a life. I miss having things to look forward to. I miss having a future. All I have is a past I can’t return to. The more I try not to think of the past good life, the more I do think of it. The more I miss it.

Yes, I’m done feeling sorry for myself. I know it’s not attractive. Just the way it is now.

The life as it was

Published 06/17/2012 by MoonieZ

This morning I woke up early, around 6 am, and thought about how life was. How my life used to be. At the time when I had very few worries.

On an average weekend back then, I would wake up around 9 am, if I wasn’t working, when I would instead get up at around 7:30 am to have breakfast, get ready and dressed, grab my bike and go off to work around 8 am.

But on a weekend off, I’d get up, have breakfast while reading the morning paper and then after a few hours I’d get dressed and ready to walk down to the commuter train station and go to the city.  Most of the time I would walk around, looking at things in the shops and perhaps go eat a late lunch or go see a movie before returning home in the evening.

At home, in the evenings, I would often watch movies on the VCR, or listen to music. I would  also read a lot of books or magazines and write a lot of stories and such. Sometimes I played video games. It was a nice time.

During the week I’d go to work in the morning and get back home around 6:30 pm, have dinner and spend a few hours resting and relaxing doing much the same as described above.  Of course I had chores to do then as well but I don’t remember them taking a lot of my time, I just did what needed to be done just as I do now.

All I really remember is that I liked my life. It was good. The people I worked with were mostly nice and friendly too. The few I didn’t get along so well with I still could tolerate and there were not much trouble of any kind.

Why think about this today? I don’t know. Today is a rainy day and life felt a bit boring and depressing so I thought about the old days. I guess I miss those days. Never thought I would back then. I thought I’d be living the same way for the rest of my life.

What I really miss is to belong to society. To be needed at a place of work. To be a part of something. To have my skills put to good use.

Anyway, as much as I miss it, looking back isn’t the way forward. I have to keep moving on.  Someday, my life will be that good again.

%d bloggers like this: