the new year started.
I was going to write about the old year but I don’t really like to look back too much anymore.
However, there are some things about the old year that I should mention.
- My old home, the house that was built by my parents and owned by my mother until her death, was sold by me and my brothers. So, I had to move. First I had to find out where to. After a time I did decide on a small town to the north and in February I moved. It caused a lot of stress. Anxiety. Nightmares. I honestly spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I missed my old home. I missed all that was gone.
- A positive thing about moving to a small town: things aren’t so far away. I can walk to every place I need to go to. Only rarely do I need to take the bus. And also hardly any stress. Quiet and peaceful most of the time. It has really lowered the level of stress in my life.
- There was good hope of a better life during the old year. The local employment agency started me in a program to get into job training. And it all looked good for a long time but in the end nothing became of the nice plans. Starting over with other plans this year.
- I made some foolish things during the old year because I thought it was the right thing to do and because I hoped it would lead to something better for me in the long run. Now I don’t know and I think I should have been a lot more sensible. All I can do is to learn from it to not repeat it again. On the other hand, while it lasted I had fun and escaped some worry, stress and anxiety. And the lonely feeling of being all alone in the world.
- I got to know someone online. Someone I quickly grew to care about a lot more than I first thought. From early September to the end of the year I had such great good feelings and so much fun. And I wasn’t all alone. Still a feeling of doubt was beginning to emerge. Now I’m starting to wonder how I really feel.
- Spent time with my uncle, my father’s only brother and my living link to the past on my father’s side of the family.
- Continued to play a lot of games. Mostly Grand Theft Auto Online on the Xbox.
- Turned 50 years old. Started to feel depressed about how little I’ve done with my life.
- Learned about ways to handle my disorder during some classes I took part in.
- Continue to hope to find someone to love who will love me too.