The best thing to do, would be not to write this but I’m not able to contain myself when some people just makes me want to express myself any way I can. The only way I know is in writing.
I had a stab at drawing comics & cartoons at one point in time when I was still in school but I already knew writing is my thing. Not that I think I’m any good, but I get by. And there are lots of stories unpublished from the times when I wrote fiction and not much else. Then I gave up on the fiction.
Except for a blog post or two.
Now I only spill my thoughts and feelings out. Here. This blog which I have kept going for 11 years next month. Without friends online it would never have started. Without friends online it would not have lasted this long.
So, I have to say that meeting new people online, wherever it happens, and how, is always inspiring the urge to write. Something. Anything.
However, my somewhat complicated communication skills make me doubt myself more often than not. The process of learning what comes naturally to most, is a challenge on a daily basis. Not going to dwell on that just now, though.
The reason I write this, is because I feel happy for the first time in a long time. Happy to have fun, happy to chat, happy to make jokes and play the clown or fool or court jester or whatever. Happy to be me. Happy to be alive.
Maybe it has to do with Spring coming around, the Sun being back. The warm weather. The light.
Whatever, in this case I know it to be all because of one individual. She’s a gem. At least that’s how I see it. Most likely because I feel good seeing it that way. It brings the joy of being alive back. Not when I expected it. But probably when I needed it. Anyway, I’m simply grateful for it happening.
Now I should take a chill pill and go to sleep. Due to my past, that course of action is the only sensible one. Readers of my blog will know that I have managed to go overboard on several occasions with disasters as a result.
Not this time. This time, I play my part and keep myself under wraps. Better for me, better for everyone.
So many words, so little meaning. Sorry, at least I’m being honest. I’m complicated. Only my own fault.
One friend used to tell me to not bash myself into the ground. Not only one but two friends told me that. I should not think less of myself. So now I try but I can’t say I don’t struggle with it all the time. So easy to fall into it. To feel like I’m of no use just because I stumble on the road of life, now and then.
What’s my point? No idea, but thanks for reading.