Hi, I’m here.
Have you ever been in a situation where you have done something and immediately started to regret what you just did?
Happened to me earlier this week. I made a choice to do something I started to regret the same moment I did it. It was simply something I could have been better off avoiding. My only reason to do it was that I was kind of excited and I felt like getting off, fast and simple. Instead I almost didn’t enjoy the moment due to thinking about why I did it, when I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted and not what I had planned. My regrets made me feel almost sick. The rest of the week I have been thinking a lot about why I suddenly slipped and gave in to an urge I’m usually able to control. Why this sudden weakness now, after years of control? Perhaps the simple reason is I was feeling so lonely that a few minutes of this thing was something that seemed like it could help me forget my lonely feeling. Or perhaps it was just stupid. I had the means and I did it. I shouldn’t have but I did it anyway. Bad decision.
The last few days I have been binge-watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix. I started to watch the first episode a while ago but never got the idea at that time. This time around I found myself hooked almost from the first minute.
Perhaps I can relate to the setting of a prison because my current place of “work” feels a lot like a prison, except I don’t know when I’ll be set free. And of course I’m not locked up in there at night. However some character in the series thinks prison is like highschool in some ways and I can relate to that too. All of the drama and the gangs and the ones who are “in” or “out”, the winners and the losers. All there. The feeling of not being in control of your own destiny.
Anyway, I like the show. Some of the characters are written in a really great way while others aren’t. The main character I don’t like much as a person but she’s pretty to look at. I find myself liking some of the ones who aren’t featured in the foreground. I also like that the reasons for the characters being in prison are revealed a piece at a time. Makes me think about how many ways there are to trip yourself up during a lifetime.