It will happen. Yeah, right. Tell me some more stories.
All I know is that nothing I dreamed of has happened but plenty of what I haven’t dreamed of has happened. Explain that, if you can.
So, back to the business of today.
For a time I have been feeling somewhat depressed. I lack energy, motivation and interest. Nothing makes me really happy and nothing really excites me. Mostly things seem dull.
At the office things keep changing but there’s no structure. Projects are started but not finished. Instead there are new projects coming up. People come and go and suddenly they’re gone for good.
I try to focus on the things I need to do to get out of the situation I’m in. Same situation for years. No job. I work my project also. Write. Try to write. Read a lot. Try to stay in touch with the real world out there where people have real jobs and income. Follow the news media to see where society is going and what’s happening in politics.
The rest of my time, I mostly want to sleep because I’m always tired and I want to escape this place I’m stuck in.
I miss people to talk to. I miss friends. I miss feeling happy. I miss life. I miss having a life. I miss having things to look forward to. I miss having a future. All I have is a past I can’t return to. The more I try not to think of the past good life, the more I do think of it. The more I miss it.
Yes, I’m done feeling sorry for myself. I know it’s not attractive. Just the way it is now.