Sorry, no pictures.
I have a feeling the headline might draw you in to read this. Don’t be alarmed if it seems random. That’s how most of my thinking works. If thinking is the right word for what goes on in my brain. Maybe sometimes.
Anyway, this update was born out of the horrific experience I had a few days ago when I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed a big blob with a head attached. This blob also had arms and legs. It looked human. Sort of. It looked like a man. Maybe. It looked like me. A lot like me.
Could this be me? I mean, I know I’m 45 years old. I know I eat a lot of things I shouldn’t be eating. I also eat a lot. But seriously, I had no idea it was this bad.
Before you start saying I can do something about it instead of crying about it on my blog, let me tell you that doing something about it isn’t the point of this text that you’re reading right now. Ok?
So, let’s move on. There I was, looking at myself looking at me and not liking what I saw. Still, I knew I was looking at the result of decades of self-loathing and lack of confidence. Decades of trying to satisfy the need for human interaction, intimacy and love with excessive amounts of all kinds of food and beverage. Without success. The only thing gained has been weight and more loathing.
At times I managed to break the circle just to fall back into it again after a certain amount of time. Old bad habits die hard.
What I’m trying to say is that even though my appearance in the mirror is a result of eating a lot of food, the process has never been about food or eating in itself but about trying to satisfy a lack of other things in life.
Solution: satisfy the feelings by finding humans to interact with, form friendships, perhaps someday find some love and intimacy somewhere out there. Until then, eat less and more healthy if possible.
Not rocket science but sometimes not so easy to do just because it seems simple enough.
Anyway, I’m done. I can’t remember what else I wanted to share about this experience as I forgot to write down the thoughts flying through my brain at the time.
Nope, I’m not getting into any negativity here. Simply being honest about things. Still have the positive in mind.