The road ahead I know nothing about.
Even though I know that old people tend to have health problems, the news today that my mother has suffered a mild cerebral hemorrhage hit me very hard. I have tried to be prepared for the day when my mother will pass away but I find it hard to prepare for such a thing. Still I know that it will happen one day, it’s inevitable. A part of life.
When my father died 17 years ago I wasn’t prepared at all. It was by far the worst days of my life so far. After that I’ve suffered other things that have been hard to deal with but the pain and sorrow of losing a parent is still the worst I can imagine. I’ve heard people say that losing a child is worse but since I’m not a parent myself I can’t really relate to that even though I can imagine it must be very painful.
While writing this I think that this will make me look like a weak and whiny type of person, but so be it. I am filled with fear of losing my mother because she’s my only living parent. Of course I know that life will go on without her among us, but I still wish that day would never come. Just as I wished the same while my father was alive.
And yes, I know I’m supposed to leave my parents and live my own life. Still, I would like to have my parents alive and around even if I’m independent and on my own. I love my parents and I don’t think that means I’m not able to stand on my own two feet.
These are my thoughts at the moment which makes this update slightly unfocused but I hope it won’t seem totally confused. I will probably edit this later.