Yes, I’m still alive. I know I haven’t been writing much here lately. I’ve been too lazy. I haven’t been too busy. I have been doing things but mostly I’ve been sleeping. Well, not only sleeping. I’ve been at the office, I’ve been at home and I’ve been eating too much, gained too much weight, been feeling a bit down and out and somewhat depressed. Lonely. Confused. Not in tune with anything.
So this weekend I’ve enjoyed some fun times and seen a good friend. Suddenly I feel reborn. Funny how some late night fun can change my mood and my outlook on life. Or at least turn it around for the better. I woke up smiling this afternoon. Haven’t felt like that in too long. Decided to just be in that feeling and not do too much. Of course I had my usual urge to send countless tweets and emails to my good friend to let her know just how good I’m feeling today but then I stopped in my tracks and decided to not do my usual stunts. Instead I’m going to keep myself under control and let my friend have her weekend in peace without my urgency.
So I’ve let my Sunday unfold in about the same manner as most other Sundays. Been reading the morning paper. Had an early dinner. Listened to music ,watched some videos and looked through my Tumblr dashboard. Backed up some files. Cleaned up the hard drive. Listened to more music. Watched some TV, read some news. Had a shower. Plan to go to sleep early and be ready to start a new week in a good way.
Other notes. My old friend has not answered my last email so I’m guessing I can let that whole thing rest and remain a fond memory.
I’ve been looking for a direction but haven’t really found one. I have plans and ideas but I seem to have trouble making them happen, turning them into something real.
Always been a problem.
I don’t want to spend any more time living in my head. I’ll be 45 this year. I have to grow up now. Start to act my age. Only one problem – I find growing up to be a bit boring. I don’t even know what it really means. Once long ago I thought I had grown up. I acted like someone a lot older than my actual age. Then I lost that somehow. Probably I got scared of life after my father died. Or I started to think of living as pointless, a long wait for the end that no one can escape. So – maybe I should set out to find God? Not my cup of tea, old boy. I believe in humanity and in human beings and that’s all the faith I need.
Been watching lots of movies the past weeks. Too many to mention. Most of them were good entertainment. Some were a bit boring. Some I haven’t been able to finish. Like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I hope to finish watching during the coming week.
Once more I’ve managed to write a post with no real point to it and going all over the map in terms of topics. That’s how my mind works when I set it free.
Hope it hasn’t been a waste of your time to read this.