That’s what I have to do. Easy it’s not but still there’s no other way. Let it all go. In a way it ought to be really easy. There wasn’t anything to hold on to in the first place. Only my dream. Only my hopes. My hopes and dreams. The hope and the dream that finally, this time, for once ,it would be me. My turn. That it would happen, that which has eluded me for so many years until I gave up and turned my back on it. Something made me hope again, something made me scramble to find the last remains of will, effort, energy and determination. The last ounce of persistence to try to make it more than a dream. Of course it failed. It had to. Who was I to think I would have anything to offer in this world.What a joke. And the joke is on me. Always has and always will be.
For some years I had a friend who really managed to build me up. Build my ruined confidence and get me to believe in myself and my ability. Opened my eyes and made me see things in different ways. For some time I felt happy and looked at the world without fear of ridicule. Felt brave and secure in way I had never felt before and don’t feel anymore.