I apologize. There’s been too much drama this morning. I am the source of it. I admit to being the drama queen. I admit to letting my feelings get the better of me. Again. I’m guilty.
I suspect that’s why I have such a problem keeping my friends. I’m too much. I overdo things. I’m needy, whining and clingy. I lack confidence. I keep saying I’m weak and useless. I knock myself down as soon as I can with or without reason. Mostly without.
I’m navel lint. Not good. Big epic fail.
However some days and some moments that’s how I feel inside. Should I keep it hidden and go about my life being a false smile and think I fool anyone? Or should I let it out in all its ragged glory?
I honestly don’t know anymore. I honestly don’t know why I even bother to write it. Honestly I only want to get away from it all. To where I don’t know. Somewhere else. Where I find what’s lacking. In that case I will probably have to search inside of me and not outside. NO I’m not looking for a god. I don’t believe in any gods of any kind. All there is, is always inside of us. There is nothing else. At least nothing real. Stopped making sense, I did. Not wanting to make sense. Wanting a lot of things though. Out of reach things the most. Always what I want most are those out of reach things. I can see them, I can hear them. Sometimes they are so close I can even smell them but – I can never reach them. Always almost but not all the way is how long I can reach no matter how I stretch.
I know – too much drama. Don’t worry. Tomorrow is another day. That day will be my day of no drama. Maybe. Perhaps. Who knows. Does it matter.