Blue and alone

Published 07/30/2011 by MoonieZ

Another morning. Another weekend. Another day.
Should be all ok, shouldn’t it. Yes. It probably is. It just sucks to be me. But I’m stuck with me so there’s nothing I can do but live with it. Sure I can try to fool myself into thinking it doesn’t suck to be me but that would be a lie. And I’m not going to lie to myself, it serves no purpose.

Sure I’m also happy. In a way. I don’t only feel one thing at a time. Always have the mixed emotions. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through such misery in order to have a few moments of bliss but I guess I’m a fool in some ways.  Or perhaps I hope I’ll collect when I die from all the acts of kindness I perform. No I don’t believe in life after this one life on Earth. I am sure this is it. This is all there is. Better make the most of it. Which is what I did when I could. Now when I can’t do much more than simply exist I miss those days and yet I know that I’m now paying for the things I did that I should not have done. There’s always a price to pay. Well, anyway, I will probably be making some changes in the coming months. I might even have to if I want to keep myself together.  Some things I’ve let get too far and its not good in the long run. But I can’t really help it. Wasn’t a plan or a goal or an agenda. Just happened. One morning I woke up and there it was. Have tried to shake it off but it keeps sticking to me. Funny thing is I don’t really want to shake it off. At least it gives me something to think about. Even when I wish I didn’t let it hurt so much. Other times it feels better than anything else though. So I just can’t let it all go even though I know I must. Only to keep myself living in the real world. Which is where I should be living.

Ok, I’m done for now.

Peace.

Spotify knows how I feel right know, randomly selects “The Only One” sung by Roy Orbison. Though I know I’m not the only one and not the first nor the last to feel all these mixed emotions.

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