Another morning. Another weekend. Another day.
Should be all ok, shouldn’t it. Yes. It probably is. It just sucks to be me. But I’m stuck with me so there’s nothing I can do but live with it. Sure I can try to fool myself into thinking it doesn’t suck to be me but that would be a lie. And I’m not going to lie to myself, it serves no purpose.
Sure I’m also happy. In a way. I don’t only feel one thing at a time. Always have the mixed emotions. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through such misery in order to have a few moments of bliss but I guess I’m a fool in some ways. Or perhaps I hope I’ll collect when I die from all the acts of kindness I perform. No I don’t believe in life after this one life on Earth. I am sure this is it. This is all there is. Better make the most of it. Which is what I did when I could. Now when I can’t do much more than simply exist I miss those days and yet I know that I’m now paying for the things I did that I should not have done. There’s always a price to pay. Well, anyway, I will probably be making some changes in the coming months. I might even have to if I want to keep myself together. Some things I’ve let get too far and its not good in the long run. But I can’t really help it. Wasn’t a plan or a goal or an agenda. Just happened. One morning I woke up and there it was. Have tried to shake it off but it keeps sticking to me. Funny thing is I don’t really want to shake it off. At least it gives me something to think about. Even when I wish I didn’t let it hurt so much. Other times it feels better than anything else though. So I just can’t let it all go even though I know I must. Only to keep myself living in the real world. Which is where I should be living.
Ok, I’m done for now.
Spotify knows how I feel right know, randomly selects “The Only One” sung by Roy Orbison. Though I know I’m not the only one and not the first nor the last to feel all these mixed emotions.