I know those words in my headline are quoted from the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen‘s song Jackson Cage. After finishing the post below I happened to think of this song and those words in particular. To me the song is about being or feeling trapped in a life with no or few options and to not feel very good about that life while it still remains all you’ve got. This I relate to my own life where I often feel that I am my own worst enemy.
Now I was going to write this in order to let the cool of the night take the edge off the heat in my previous post. So I’ll just do that then.
My Saturday started early.
I never went to sleep on Friday night. Although I’m certain I must have slept at some point during the night. However I woke up to take part in a fun time in a chatroom of a friend. This lasted all through the morning and into the afternoon of my Saturday. I felt very happy to be there as I always do.
After it finished I felt to high on the good times I’d had to be able to do much of anything but I managed to get some chores done.
Well, only managed to drive my mother to the graveyard in order to light a candle at my father’s grave. The usual weekend routine. Then on to the grocery store for some food and back home for some relaxing, tweeting and daydreaming until the night.
Oh, I almost forgot I had a rather good dinner on Saturday. Steamed cod fillet, creamy fish sauce, jasmine rice and some fresh tomatoes on the side. Delicious!
At night I ought to have slept but I didn’t go to bed. Instead I seem to have fallen asleep in my chair at times while listening to music and even having my webcam on. Very strange. However at one point I did go to bed for a nap. Woke up again feeling cold and went back to my chair in front of the screen. Sat there until dawn and then some.
Took a break when my uncle came by to visit. Took another break when it was time for dinner. Frozen TV dinner heated by microwave. Tasted like one can expect from such a dish. Not much but at least it was warm. Also had one half of an avocado. That was more to my taste.
Spent the rest of the evening watching my screen until I finally couldn’t hold my eyes open and decided to sleep around 6pm. Slept without dreaming to around 9 pm. Got up, got back to my chair and here I am now. Writing blog posts, watching tweets and writing a few. Thinking I should not be so caught up by my own small problems when another dictatorship is about to fall and history is being written, but still can’t help it.
My surface might not reveal it but underneath there are lots of conflicting emotions running around. I feel weak trying to make sense of this turmoil. I might not even try at all.
What I’ll do the rest of tonight I don’t know yet but I’m sure time will tell.