Some days I just want to hide from the world and never show my face again. Because I’m feeling so crushed I don’t know how to get back together again and find the energy and motivation to keep moving forward. It’s not like I don’t try. I know what to do. I know where I want to go but I can’t seem to get there. No matter what I do or how. Should of course not let any difficulty stop me. Instead I should see the opportunity in every difficulty. Well – I’m only human. Sometimes the battery runs out. Needs to be recharged before I can find my way back out on the track. Finding something to recharge with becomes more and more difficult though. It’s like it takes more and more just to get back at the same level each time. Some days I just don’t want to do anything. I see no meaning. What’s the use. There’s nothing to look forward to.
Some days I think I should disconnect from the online world and just pretend I don’t know it is there. See if that would help. Focus on the good things. I know. I really try to do that always. To be a good friend. Support all my friends and always be kind and polite. Lend any kind of help that I can provide. Maybe I’m falling ill. Maybe I have a cold. Maybe I want to puke. Maybe its just the time of the year. Not enough sunlight. Something isn’t right but I don’t know what it is or why.
Anyway this is how I feel. I try to decide how to feel because I’ve heard its possible to do but I can’t seem to do it. Today I want to feel happy but I’m not. No matter how much I tell myself to feel happy. I guess I fell into that same old trap again of starting to believe in the impossible. That thing that always ends in misery. Well – I’m thinking someday it might end in happiness instead. If I just keep going and don’t give up. Today I feel like not trying though. I’ll go out for a walk or something. Apply for some jobs. Try to think of something else than that one thought that keeps coming back into my mind at all times of the day and night.