I don’t know

Published 10/19/2010 by MoonieZ

what to write. I have been thinking a lot for the last few days. Wondering why things happen and what makes things be the way they are and how come nothing good ever seems to last and why it seems kindness is not always a good thing. Haven’t found any answers just new questions, more questions. Also been feeling somewhat depressed. Shouldn’t really be depressed because things are starting to look better after years of nothing happening or going the wrong way but some other things are looking less good than they used to and some people I just can’t seem to understand why they do what they do and when. Perhaps I’m reading too much into things or maybe I’m just confused or maybe I really don’t have a clue but no matter what and why things are the way they are I am feeling depressed. So many times when I simply don’t understand what’s happening that I just want to give up and stop to care but I can’t. I’m not made that way. I want to be good and kind and hope that it will not be in vain but sometimes I just assume too much instead of finding out for sure and then I get confused and feel depressed. This post is very strange and confusing but I’m typing without a plan. I have a need to vent out some feelings before my head explodes…Well not my head so much as my old torn and broken heart that keeps on patching itself up after each new hit. Eventually I will be ok. Right now I’m not. Nobody is to blame except me. So no worries. Nobody has to care. But can’t say I’d be sorry if someone did care. There, I said it. My ego has spoken. Spank me !  Anyway I hope all will be well and that whatever it is that I don’t know will soon be known so that I will know for sure what to think and how to feel. Right now I am not sure I know anything but from experience I have learned that all I can do is to wait and see what happens next. Do wish I could just let everything be and  not worry so much about people and things around me. But I’m not made to not worry.

One piece of good news at last: I have a job interview coming up this week. It will be interesting. First time in a very long time so maybe, just maybe I could have a job again if all goes well. I will do all I can to make that happen.



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