Published 10/09/2010 by MoonieZ

Seriously. This week and a lot of time I’ve spent thinking about the past, the present and the future. And I haven’t been trying to learn the grammar of some foreign language I’ve simply been thinking about my life. About my future the most. My Thursday post informed you all about the changes coming. Next week I’m about to start something new. I’m going to learn a trade sort of. At least the basics of working with warehouse storage and logistics. All paid for by the government… well in the end it’s all paid for by the tax payers (myself included) so I really have to make an effort to learn and be as good as possible. That won’t be a problem I am not afraid of working or of learning something new. Only thing I’m afraid of is starting something new without knowing if I will be good enough. See I always underestimate myself. That’s always been my problem. Well not always. As a happy five year old I had no fear. I climbed mountains, I learned to ride a bicycle and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me. Then I started school and along the way my courage became replaced by more and more fear. Replaced by the feeling of not being good enough… and  Oh stop it ! Nobody wants to hear that same old record again. Change it !  Yes I think I’d better. Well at least this year I did do something good and brave. I learned how to drive. Not even that accident before I finished learning made me stop before I reached my goal and now I am feeling free as a bird every time I get in the car and drive off on my own. Never even dreamed it would feel that good. Never even dreamed I’d like it as much as I do. So I still know how to reach my goals and learn new stuff and risk failure to get where I want to go. So I should hold on to that and use the energy and drive to really get my life going, get back on the tracks because I’m not getting any younger and I haven’t got all the time in the world anymore. Never had – just thought I did. Well I’m starting to feel better about myself now. Even happy to be here alive and well on a cold and foggy October night. Actually it’s Saturday now, after midnight again and I should probably not be sitting here typing away my time when there is other fun to be had elsewhere. At least I won’t spend anymore time whining and feeling sorry for myself. I do that enough to last two lifetimes anyway. So I’m going to leave you now dear readers and promise I’ll be back with good news later on. No more of the depressing pathetic self-indulgence I usually produce when I try to be serious in my posts. Sure it’s been a long time since I wrote something about my romantic nature also but followers of this blog know that there isn’t much to report in that department. Sad but true. Better go now or I never know where this will go.



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