At the start of this year I had a good feeling about things. Or I got a good feeling after a while because I decided it could only get better. I was set on making progress and I did. Even managed to get a job after a long time. My thoughts were that now my life would slowly but steadily get back on its feet and I would be able to make some plans and have some things to look forward to. Like a vacation and being able to pay off some debts. Well as soon as I begun to feel a little safe again, my employment ended from one day to the next. To have that notice shattered my good feeling and my energy disappeared. Instead I found myself feeling depressed and insecure. With the world going into crisis and unemployment spreading all over the country, I don’t see any chance of a fast recovery.Instead I have plunged myself into unhealthy shopping and turned into an isolated island of self-pity. None of this is good of course. None of it is something I really want to do or be but I don’t feel like my will can control it. I am thinking to seek help for my issues and I will do so as soon as the holiday season is past. The new year will be a fresh start, and a time to deal with things i should have taken care of a long time ago. Instead of looking back at what can’t be changed I must focus on here and now and what can be changed. This will not be easy but by writing this I help to make my thoughts clear and also record what I have decided so that I can look at it and be reminded when I want to forget it and go on like before on my path of slow self destruction. Ok, now I am done here for today. I’m sure in a few years from now I will look back at this and smile at the person I was but now I can’t smile, and I don’t see that as a good thing at all.