I wonder

Published 11/11/2008 by MoonieZ

where it all went. All the things I used to be. Somewhere along the line it all disappeared, or so it seems. Not too long ago I could actually be smart, witty, funny, sensitive and even intelligent if needed. But not anymore. I wonder what happened. When did I go wrong and why. A lot has to do with that friend I lost because of my stupidity. Not a day goes by without me regretting it ever happened. Damn, she was my best friend ever and I let it all go and to this day I don’t understand why I did it. Anyway I should lighten up and stop being too hard on myself. See the bright side of things and leave the seriousness at the door. Somehow I used to be able to do that, but lately I find it more and more difficult. Or maybe I am just tired after being awake too long and having too much stress in my life due to unemployment and the insecurity that comes with it. Or maybe I am just building my defenses and excuses in case I cause another failure in my attempts to communicate with the outside world. Everyone can see from my posting here that I have no problems with finding the words in this context, but transfer me to a chatroom and I will be silently lurking forever it seems. Just about manage to say a word here and there and then nothing for hours on end. Well, as I said, it didn’t use to be that way. Or, at least not often. My friend taught me to let myself go, she helped me to understand a lot about interaction and communication, but it seems I have forgotten most of it. All I can do is try to find my way back to it. To chat used to be a lot of fun and I hope I will be able to have some fun someday soon. There are people out there who have fun and I’d be happy to be one of them instead of keeping myself at bay. Ok, it is late and I should sleep, so I will end this little text here.

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