Oh yes, it is Friday again. I wonder where the week went. Into outer space I guess. However, tonight I thought I was dreaming but then it hit me I wasn’t, because what I was seeing, or rather who I was seeing, was right in front of my eyes. Every time it is the same. I just sit and watch and think to myself why don’t I speak ? Just a few words at least, so that I don’t seem like a complete stranger. After all I’ve watched for a long tme now. Maybe I am afraid that speaking will break the spell, maybe I am afraid I won’t be able to find the words, or maybe I am just afraid in general. Probably it is all true but the last reason is the most likely. I am afraid of reaching out, because I have managed to ruin so many relations, so many friendships and now I am simply not ready to risk anything anymore. Sad but true. Perhaps if I let enough time pass I will find some guts and get out in the world again but right now I keep a low profile. Of course I don’t feel very happy about this but that’s the price I pay. At least misery is no stranger to me, and being my own worst enemy as one person pointed out to me once, I have a good tendency to make myself miserable.
So, that is how this Friday is, a strange mix of joy and sadness. Just had to get that out.