Monday is a fine day

Yes, indeed. I wake up. I get ready. I go to the office and I check my Twitter and notice I’m unfollowed and blocked by someone I  recently tweeted to. Find out I’m also unfollowed on Tumblr by the same person. Not sure this has ever happened to me before.

Sure, I’ve been unfollowed before. That happens from time to time. Usually I’m unfollowed by people I don’t know who suddenly start following me on Twitter and/or Tumblr and then stop after some time. I suspect the reason to be that I don’t follow back or that I don’t tweet them or that they find they don’t like my tweets or whatever.

When someone I know unfollows me, it’s a bit different. So far it hasn’t happened more than a few times and both times by the same person. First time I was given a reason, this time it seems I didn’t get a reason for being both unfollowed and blocked so I guess all that remains for me is to move on.

I could of course dwell on this and ponder the reasons this person might have but that wouldn’t be very constructive as it would only be speculation and not fact. So, I leave this matter as it stands and move on.

Generally speaking I do know that my tweeting and tumblr-ing can’t please everyone all the time and it’s not my goal to please anyone. My reason for using Twitter and Tumblr is to express myself and interact with others.  I have unfollowed people too but most of the time I do it after being unfollowed by them. I also block accounts sometimes but only if I strongly suspect them to be fake/spammers and such.

Ok, enough of this stuff.

Today I hope I will do some productive writing and other work and also have a fine day in as many ways as possible.

Easter Saturday, 2012

Hello people!

Taking some time away from things I ought to do to bring you this update. Perhaps it will be a waste of your time or perhaps not. Nobody knows for sure.

The weather today is sunny but the winds are cold and there’s still some snow on the ground. However its a lot better than yesterday. I didn’t go out at all.

Today I will probably have to as there are some things I have to buy for the Easter dinner to be complete. Also I want to get out and get some air and a bit of sun.

My pains are somewhat mysterious but I’ve been able to conclude they are not caused by kidney stones. What the cause is I haven’t figured out but since the pain comes and goes and isn’t getting any worse or more frequent I’m guessing it’s not a sign of  anything too serious, only seriously annoying. So now I’m trying to determine if it has something to do with certain food items or  not.  I know I ought to see a doctor to perhaps find out what the problem is, but since I’m not really ill in any other way I think maybe it’s not that serious after all.

I did only watch parts of some movies yesterday.  I also listened to some music on Spotify.  Then I spent a lot of time looking through my Tumblr dashboard and also some time reading my Twitter timeline. My day ended in a chatroom of a friend, then I went to sleep.

Today I hope to remember to watch episode 7 of Game of Thrones since I’ve managed to forget it for the last few days. At first I didn’t like that show much, but after watching some more of it I started to be interested and now I actually find it entertaining enough to want to follow it.

Later on I expect to talk to some friends and have some fun. Maybe I’ll watch some TV or some movie. I’m sure I’ll be having some Easter candy as Easter is a lot about candy in Sweden lately. It used to be about painting and eating  boiled eggs, pickled herrings, salmon, roasted lamb and such but now the candy eggs are IT.  A long, long time ago I believe Easter also had some kind of religious significance but I’m not sure what.

Happy Easter!

Sometimes

Sometimes it’s good to stop and not rush in like a fool. I was about to update this sooner but I’m glad I didn’t. That text would not have been clever if it had been written and published then. At that time I didn’t have all the facts and would have risked jumping to conclusions, the wrong conclusions. Now that the facts are in I am able to write something better.

Yesterday I didn’t do much of anything. I had been awake almost to 6am hoping to have a little fun in a chatroom but instead I spent the night waiting. Needless to say after that adventure I was tired because I slept only about 4 hours before getting up again.  Not much later my mother invited me to have dinner at the local pizza place so we went there in the early afternoon and had some pizza before going grocery shopping and then returning home.

The rest of the evening I spent watching the live broadcast of Whitney Houston’s funeral service online  and later I also watched the third qualifying competition of the Swedish Song Contest on public television.

Before going to sleep I looked around at chatrooms and took a quick look at Chatroulette. I also looked at my Tumblr dashboard. Feeling slightly bored and tired I fell asleep after midnight. Slept well and woke up around 6am then went back to sleep for another 3 hours.

Got up and got dressed at around 9:30am.  Checked Twitter and read some posts. Went out and removed some snow, got the morning paper and returned inside to read it. Got a call from my uncle asking if I would like to go to the theater. I didn’t really feel like it but eventually I said I would go. He had a ticket left over due to another person’s illness and didn’t want it to go to waste.

The play was a production of  Noel Coward‘s Brief Encounter where the live action on stage was integrated with filmed sequences shown on a screen above the stage. It was an entertaining show but I can’t say it was the best I’ve ever seen. At one point I even started to fall asleep which was odd since the play is only about 90 minutes long.

I went to buy some groceries on the way home and got back just as it started to snow. Had dinner and then went to check out the latest news from the online world.

Soon I will have a shower and then I have a few more hours to kill before going to sleep again.  Another weekend over and done.

Peace.

 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hi there…

Yes, I’m still alive. I know I haven’t been writing much here lately. I’ve been too lazy. I haven’t been too busy. I have been doing things but mostly I’ve been sleeping. Well, not only sleeping. I’ve been at the office, I’ve been at home and I’ve been eating too much, gained too much weight,  been feeling a bit down and out and somewhat depressed. Lonely. Confused. Not in tune with anything.

So this weekend I’ve enjoyed some fun times and seen a good friend. Suddenly I feel reborn. Funny how some late night fun can change my mood and my outlook on life. Or at least turn it around for the better. I woke up smiling this afternoon. Haven’t felt like that in too long. Decided to just be in that feeling and not do too much. Of course I had my usual urge to send countless tweets and emails to my good friend to let her know just how good I’m feeling today but then I stopped in my tracks and decided to not do my usual stunts. Instead I’m going to keep myself under control and let my friend have her weekend in peace without my urgency.

So I’ve let my Sunday unfold in about the same manner as most other Sundays. Been reading the morning paper. Had an early dinner. Listened to music ,watched some videos and looked through my Tumblr dashboard. Backed up some files. Cleaned up the hard drive. Listened to more music. Watched some TV, read some news.  Had a shower. Plan to go to sleep early and be ready to start a new week in a good way.

Other notes. My old friend has not answered my last email so I’m guessing I can let that whole thing rest and remain a fond memory.

I’ve been looking for a direction but haven’t really found one. I have plans and ideas but I seem to have trouble making them happen, turning them into something real.

Always been a problem.

I don’t want to spend any more time living in my head. I’ll be 45 this year. I have to grow up now. Start to act my age. Only one problem – I find growing up to be a bit boring. I don’t even know what it really means. Once long ago I thought I had grown up. I acted like someone a lot older than my actual age. Then I lost that somehow. Probably I got scared of life after my father died. Or I started to think of living as pointless, a long wait for the end that no one can escape. So – maybe I should set out to find God? Not my cup of tea, old boy. I believe in humanity and in human beings and that’s all the faith I need.

Been watching lots of movies the past weeks. Too many to mention. Most of them were good entertainment. Some were a bit boring. Some I haven’t been able to finish. Like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I hope to finish watching during the coming week.

Once more I’ve managed to write a post with no real point to it and going all over the map in terms of topics.  That’s how my mind works when I set it free.

Hope it hasn’t been a waste of your time to read this.

Peace.

What I did

Image via Wikipedia

Friday. I was glad to get out of the office and on my way home before the worst of the rain and bad weather hit. Had some bad luck with the buses but at last I was at home. Had a homemade hamburger for dinner and later in the evening enjoyed a nice slice of pizza. Also had some other items lined up for late night snacks. Some bread, Italian salami and mozzarella cheese and a big bottle of Dr Pepper.

However late in the evening I watched a movie  - The Whistleblower – that nearly made me sick. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very good movie about a very serious and real subject – human trafficking – but some scenes made me almost sick with sadness and horror. The cruelty and violence the victims of trafficking – women and young girls –  suffer in this movie at the hands of the men who buy, sell and use them as slaves made me feel ashamed of being a man even though I would never be able to be a part of anything like that.

Surprisingly I managed to sleep when I went to sleep and I woke up rested on Saturday morning.

After breakfast and reading the paper I didn’t do very much. Looked at Twitter and Tumblr, listened to music and spent some time daydreaming. Had some grilled salmon and fried sliced potatoes for dinner.  Some pain from kidney stones made me go to bed for an hour.

Later, in the evening, I went  by bus and train to do some grocery shopping.

Spent the rest of the evening watching a movie - Sahara -  with James Belushi as the main character.  It was a war movie but it felt more like a western. Entertaining and thrilling.

Slept well  and long and woke up after eleven on Sunday morning. Got up and read all of  the morning paper at breakfast. Had a ham sandwich for breakfast.

Then a bit later I went out to test if the car would start as it hadn’t been started for a long time. It started on the first try.

After reblogging and looking at my Tumblr dashboard I decided to write something for my blog and this is it. I admit it’s not much news or very interesting but at least it’s another update.

The rest of this Sunday afternoon and evening I will probably spend the same way as most Sunday evenings. Reading, listening to music and/or watching a movie.  Will have a shower and maybe wash my hair too. Haven’t decided yet.

Tomorrow is a new day at the office. New supervisors starting. Will be interesting. Sort of.

Peace.

Words in a row

Hey, hi, hello, how’s the world been treating you?

I have to say I’m rather tired today. I slept rather well but woke up a bit early and couldn’t go back to sleep. Tweeted some while still half awake and then somehow got up.  Checked my Tumblr dashboard and reblogged a lot of stuff as usual. Too much being posted there for me to keep up with. But I like to look through it everyday anyway.  Always find some stuff worth looking at or reading. Sometimes fun and sometimes serious.  Somewhere in the middle of this I remember watching a video and masturbating but I could be mistaken as I wasn’t really all awake yet. Then I got ready, dressed, washed and brushed, drank some water to keep my kidney stones at bay through the morning rush hour commuting on buses and trains and went out the door towards the bus stop.

I know I ought to eat some breakfast but 1) I’m actually poor 2) I feel sick if I eat right after waking up so I skip breakfast and eat nothing. I drink water and sometimes I bring some lunch to the office but not always. Far from it. Then when I get home in the early evening I have dinner which is almost always a cooked hot meal. Later in the evening I may sometimes have a snack, a sandwich or some fruit depending on what I have around and what I feel like eating.

The bus was on time, I made it to the train station on time and the commuter train was on time too. Not crowded, I got a good seat close to the doors. I looked out the windows at the frosty landscape rushing by outside and thought about a tweet I had read earlier while still in bed and only barely awake.Something about the word ‘frosty’ had caught my attention.

I arrived at the station where I change trains and found out the other train was delayed. Not much only enough to make me pace around the platform for a few minutes while trying to keep warm. When the train arrived it was not crowded and I got a seat close to the doors again. I looked out the window and noticed I passed by the road leading to my first place of work – a small grocery store in a  suburb.

While I thought about how it had been to work there and the people I had worked with a colleague from the office came walking down the aisle of the train and sat down in the seat opposite.  Soon we started discussing the weather, global warming and climate change.

I said that I’m not sure the changes are due to human activity even though that’s what science claims is true. I have a hard time accepting a few hundred years of industrialism could really affect the Earth this much. My idea is that the climate might change anyway as it has done in the past going from warm to cold and then back to warm again.  Who knows. The Earth has been around a long time and I’m sure it will still be around long after all humans are gone. However this is just what I think and I might be all wrong.

Walking from the station to the office the discussion continued until we had arrived inside.

I went to my room and switched on the computer, set up my stuff, set my phone to charge and eventually started writing and thinking – which means working on my project. Looked out the window at the lake down below and then at the sky beginning to clear. Looked at Twitter, looked at Tumblr and started thinking about updating this blog.

Talked to the supervisor and continued working. Opened Spotify and listened to some new songs on a friend’s playlist while writing some texts for this blog and also one for my project.  Uploaded some photos to the blog and tried to write some more without much success.

Somehow I wasn’t writing what I really wanted and what I wanted I couldn’t write at that moment. Or at any other moment. I have a lot of trouble writing certain things. The thoughts are there and the feelings are there but the words aren’t there. Just refuse to come forward. I’m probably afraid to put it in writing, afraid of the fool I’ll appear to be – mostly to myself. What the world thinks is beyond my control anyway. So I didn’t write it. Instead I wrote about other things for my project, read a lot of news and articles about things I might use for my project and also tweeted and looked at Tumblr now and then. All of this made the day pass by quickly soon enough it was time to pack up and go home, which I did. Got on the first bus and had a terrible pain in my back from the kidney stones as I had neglected to drink enough water during the day.

For most of the hour-long ride home by three different buses I was in pain. So the first thing I did when I got home was to drink a lot of water and relax. Then I had dinner. Fish and potatoes. It was ok but not as good as I expected given the price of the fish had been rather high. After dinner I checked email, tweets, tweeted and checked and reblogged on Tumblr for a while. Also started to listen to music on Spotify and thought about writing some more for this blog as I was not happy with what I had posted so far today.  Had some gingerbread hearts and some water and started to write. And here I am now. Still writing this text. Maybe it’s time to stop now. Not much more to add.  At least not that I can think of. There’ll probably be more tomorrow, I can feel my nostalgic mode getting ready to possess me so I might be going back to the glory of the past days again in another post.

Peace.

Here’s some words

Evening,

Have no idea what happened to this week. I’ve been busy trying to find out what to do. And I’ve watched some movies, some TV, listened to music through Spotify, eaten and slept.

The days are short, or rather the hours of daylight are few. The days are the same length as always. There’s no snow.  There are reports that there might not be much snow around here this Winter. No snow is ok, but it makes my world very dark. A little snow on the ground would make the world a little brighter. However after the last two very snowy and cold winters I’m happy if this one will be a “green” one. Not much fun for fans of winter sports or for the kids who like to play in the snow but they are mostly playing with video games these days anyway.

I’ve watched a part of William Friedkin‘s Cruising ,but each time I watch it I find it too scary to finish in one sitting. Switched to Loverboy for some nostalgic laughs. That movie still makes me laugh each time I watch it and yet I guess its kind of cheesy even for a 1980′s comedy. Have also watched a bunch of other movies. Home for the Holidays, Carrie, 300, The Accused, Serpico and Road House. All good movies that I have watched more than once but still return to watch again. After studying cinema I’ve learned that watching a movie only once is not enough if you want to claim to really have seen it. Each time I return to watch a movie again I notice things I didn’t see or think of the last time.

Today I got up at around 9:30 and had a nice morning eating breakfast and reading the morning paper. Later my uncle came around to visit. After that I drove my mother to the church to light a candle at my father’s grave. Then we went to the grocery store and after shopping stopped by the local pizza place to order take out pizza for dinner.

After getting back home, I’ve spent the evening relaxing, reading news and looking at Twitter and Tumblr. Maybe I’ll watch another movie or do some more writing after this update is done.

Peace.

More words for a Sunday

Going to watch the final episode of a TV drama – Mad Dogs.  Then go to sleep.

My Sunday has been nice. I’ve spent it doing very little. I wrote a post for this blog in the morning after having had breakfast and read the morning paper. After writing the text I listened to some music on Spotify while looking at Tumblr. Then I masturbated. Felt rather good.

Later in the day, early afternoon I had Sunday dinner with my mother and my uncle and aunt. It was nice and the food was good. After clearing the table and washing some dishes I went for a drive to do some shopping for my mother. I also bought some stuff for myself. Returned home to read some tweets and look at Tumblr while having a drink and some snacks.

I had planned to have a shower and wash my hair but ended up only having a shower due to not having energy enough to wash my long hair. Will do it tomorrow evening instead. I know this sounds like I’m really lazy but some days I just can’t find the energy to do it. Anyway only one more week then I’m going to cut most of it off and have really short hair for the rest of the year. Now I look too much like a heavy metal fan or a hippie.

Now I’ll just finish this and then go get ready for sleep. Tomorrow is another long day at the office.

Peace.

 

Nothing much

Hey, it’s me.

I’m back again. Or I’d rather say I’ve been here all the time just not making myself seen or heard.

Today I was late for the office. Didn’t really want to go anywhere. Felt drained of all energy. Even with a sunny morning I felt gloomy. It was a cold morning. When I arrived to the office there was chaos. The floor fixing people had arrived a day early so the furniture was all over the place. Had to start my day by setting up computer in a new room and then find some peace to get some writing done.

Then the rest of the day passed quickly and I was glad to get back home by bus. At home I had a simple dinner and the last piece of mom’s homemade apple pie.

Been spending the evening reading Tumblr & Twitter and listening to my Spotify playlists. Also following a football game off and on but it sounds like another loss for the Swedish national team against the Netherlands. [Edit: Sweden seems to be winning.]

Will probably go to sleep rather early as I am feeling tired and there’s nothing much going on.

Keep it to myself

I probably shouldn’t write any posts about my problems. It might end up driving everybody away.  Sometimes I wonder if that’s what I’m doing without really wanting to do it. Drive people away, that is.  Sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut about how I feel and just let everything be but other times I think it’s better I just tell the world what’s going on and let the world decide what to think about it.  But I don’t know what’s better.

This weekend has been kind of not how I hoped but at the same time that’s only my fault. Anyway, after Friday’s mess I’ve not done much except think about that and then tried not to think about it. Been listening to a  lot of music at Spotify, been reading Tumblr and Twitter and sleeping.

Slept a really long time last night after masturbating. Woke up a few times to check tweets but got right back to sleep again. Didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning when I woke up. It was a cold morning and I had very little to do so I slept in a long time. After all that sleeping I do feel better about myself again. Starting to get back to normal I guess. Whatever normal is.

Looking forward to getting some money next week.  The weather will be cold and rainy for the most part. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

I wonder if I will get the text back from my teacher so I’ll know if I have passed or not. I will be feeling nervous until I know.

At the office things will be a bit chaotic as there will be some work done to the floors in some of the rooms before we can move into them.  My work on my next project will continue. It’s related to internet and writing so now it’s easy to figure out what it is without me saying it.

What else, I don’t know, but I hope to keep in touch with my friends. Especially with one of them.

Well, I guess this is the best I can do about keeping it to myself.

Peace.