Snowy Saturday, 2012

Yes, I’m back.

This Saturday I woke up around 10:24 am, after having gone to sleep at around 7:00 am. Needless to say I didn’t plan to stay awake all night. It just happened to be that way because a friend was online and I couldn’t pass on a night of fun.

When I looked out my window this morning I wanted to go straight bacck to bed though. The world was all white, covered in snow.  Heavy, wet snow.  Yet I did rise and had my breakfast. Made my way out through the snow to the mailbox to collect the Saturday morning paper. Read it.

Then had some rest for a few hours before having some food in time for the afternoon hockey game broadcast to start on TV. Watched the exciting game and then had some more food before going out to shovel some more snow away from the driveway.

The evening I’m spending listening to music on Spotify. reading tweets, looking at my Tumblr dashboard and writing this update.  Probably it will be another long night of fun also.

If the weather is better tomorrow I hope to be able to get out and do some shopping.

News from the life of me

Latest news.

The past week was a tragedy. Ok, perhaps it’s pathetic to feel sad about the loss of a car but I do. Feel sad. I liked to drive. The car worked very well up until the weekend before last. Then the cold came and first it seemed only the battery needed charging. Then after a few days there was a strange sound coming from the engine. Not all the time but it kept returning and the last day it was there all the time the engine was running. Still I could not imagine it being a serious problem. Not until he car suddenly died. Then it was over.

To repair would cost a lot more than what the car is worth and that’s not an option due to my situation. So, no more driving.

Of course, for many years before I learned to drive I got by with walking, biking and public transportation but it will be hard to adjust back to that now. Being able to drive was freedom  - pure and simple. I will miss that freedom a lot.

Valentine’s Day was on Tuesday. I didn’t get many greetings but a few. Sent out only a few too, and only one card.  In the evening I had some fun seeing a friend for a chat.

On Wednesday I worked from home. Went to get a much-needed hair cut, so now I no longer look like a heavy metal fan or hippie anymore. Now I look like a respectable person.

It snowed a lot on Wednesday so I had some to shovel. Wouldn’t be much of a chore if it weren’t for the pain from my kidney stones. I know I ought to see a doctor about it but I’m still hoping it will be ok by itself somehow.

I know that’s stupid but I still remember how I spent years trying to recover from my leg problems without the doctors being able to do much about it. In the end they healed without any doctor even knowing why and without any help from the treatment.

Today I feel tired and should probably try to be productive and get some of my writing done. Make some effort to solve this limbo I find myself in. I’ve almost spent a year at the office and although I’ve made some results I’m still without employment and not getting any younger. The more time I spend out of work the harder it will be to find someone willing to employ me.

What still gets me to get up in the morning is the feeling of not having any other option than to keep on trying. Keep on living. Keep seeing my few friends and keep hope alive. It gets harder to do though.

In a few weeks there’s a convention in town that I will probably visit. Maybe it will give me some new ideas about how to move forward.

Seems new ideas is what I need the most.

Peace.

 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Ok, time has come to update this thing yet again.

New month, lots of news to tell…Well, not much news actually.  Things move along. They do, but not very fast and it’s business as usual mostly. I’m writing and I’m making plans for my project. The days at the office go by rather quick. I have some people there to talk to, have some discussions about things happening. The rest of the time I spend thinking, writing and sometimes just looking out the window. Now and then I take a walk. Apply for some jobs. Wonder what will happen next. Daydream. Think of you. Listen to music, read the news – a lot about art, culture and politics and other topics of interest.

Then I get home and continue to think, dream and write while listening to music. Time is moving too fast and yet it seems to be not moving at all. I should add I also sleep a lot.

Weather has been cold lately. Not a lot of snow but  really cold nights, and cold sunny days. Tonight and tomorrow there might be  a lot of snow coming due to the really cold air moving in from Russia across the Baltic Sea. I hope there won’t be too much snow in my area because it would cause a lot of problems for the public transportation system.

I don’t know what more to write today so this is the end.

One last thing – I want to thank those who read and follow this blog because it always surprise me that anyone would find my writing interesting enough to follow.

Peace.

Give up

I should give up trying to understand. It only makes my head spin. Too much thinking is dangerous. Too much hung up on things is dangerous. Too much hung up on people is dangerous. Sometimes I wish learning wasn’t always taking the hard way. Just for once I’d like to be wise before having to learn the lesson. No such luck. Not for me. The epic fail.

Right. This means I’ll just stop being floored and start dealing out what I get. Which will probably not be wise but perhaps better in the long run. So beware world, you have been warned. Next time there’ll be no warning.

What I’m on about? I’m in a bad mood and I’m tired of trying to laugh it off or hide it.  Sometimes I do get to feeling bad, sad and mad all at the same time. Sometimes I have reasons sometimes not. I’m only human. I’m not perfect. Not even a perfect fool. I think and I feel and I sometimes get it wrong and sometimes I go over the top.  Nothing new here, nothing to see. Move along.

I’ve spent the morning working on the links section of this blog.  Some were dead and needed to be removed and I also added a bunch of new ones. Mostly from my follow list at Tumblr. Got nothing better to do since the world seems to have gone quiet all of a sudden. The first snow came during the night but I hope it melts away. I still remember last winter, it was horrible. Too much snow and too cold.

Yesterday afternoon while on the bus home from the office I listened to some American  girl sitting in the seat behind me talking on her cell . Saying to whoever she was talking to that its really dark here (in Sweden) and no snow (which was true at that moment). Sounded like she envied the person at the other end who seemed to have snow at their location. She even asked what kind it was. I thought be careful what you wish for because you might get it and more. Anyway it was kind of interesting to listen to her talking. Not too often I hear English with an American accent being spoken on a bus over here. Mostly I’ll hear a word or two of English when the foreign college students ride the bus that stops by the local college. Also this girl’s voice reminded me of someone I happen to know from the internet world.  So, I guess I did start to drift away to daydreaming. Not much else to do on a commuter bus going along a country road in the dark. Usually I sleep or at least try to nap a bit but it is often a bit bumpy so I only sleep for about a minute at a time.

Well, as I’m working from home today due to the office being closed for reasons unknown I will probably be doing some writing. Might go out for a bit. Not sure. Have no place I’d like to go and no money to spend. Probably I’ll end up watching old movies and being bored. Of course I’ll be reading tweets and looking at Tumblr off and on but I do that every day. Then there are some chores I need to tend to. Some washing and cleaning and such.

The idea for this post was something but I can’t remember what. It turned out to be about a lot of random stuff. Next time I’ll do better.  I hope.

Peace.

First snow

The first snow of this Winter fell last night. Not a lot but enough to cover the ground as you can see.

Here’s some words

Evening,

Have no idea what happened to this week. I’ve been busy trying to find out what to do. And I’ve watched some movies, some TV, listened to music through Spotify, eaten and slept.

The days are short, or rather the hours of daylight are few. The days are the same length as always. There’s no snow.  There are reports that there might not be much snow around here this Winter. No snow is ok, but it makes my world very dark. A little snow on the ground would make the world a little brighter. However after the last two very snowy and cold winters I’m happy if this one will be a “green” one. Not much fun for fans of winter sports or for the kids who like to play in the snow but they are mostly playing with video games these days anyway.

I’ve watched a part of William Friedkin‘s Cruising ,but each time I watch it I find it too scary to finish in one sitting. Switched to Loverboy for some nostalgic laughs. That movie still makes me laugh each time I watch it and yet I guess its kind of cheesy even for a 1980′s comedy. Have also watched a bunch of other movies. Home for the Holidays, Carrie, 300, The Accused, Serpico and Road House. All good movies that I have watched more than once but still return to watch again. After studying cinema I’ve learned that watching a movie only once is not enough if you want to claim to really have seen it. Each time I return to watch a movie again I notice things I didn’t see or think of the last time.

Today I got up at around 9:30 and had a nice morning eating breakfast and reading the morning paper. Later my uncle came around to visit. After that I drove my mother to the church to light a candle at my father’s grave. Then we went to the grocery store and after shopping stopped by the local pizza place to order take out pizza for dinner.

After getting back home, I’ve spent the evening relaxing, reading news and looking at Twitter and Tumblr. Maybe I’ll watch another movie or do some more writing after this update is done.

Peace.

Life is good

It should be. It could be. It might  be.

Today I woke up from a dream. I don’t know what it was about but it was probably nice. As I got out of bed I felt a pain in my body. I feel that pain almost every minute I’m awake lately. No matter if I walk, stand, sit. Only when I lay down to sleep does it stop, or perhaps I just don’t notice while I sleep. Anyway I know I must go see a doctor about but I haven’t found the  courage yet. I always hope pain will go away eventually. This pain hasn’t.

Seems the car isn’t ready to be used yet. I had hoped to have it back this week but now I don’t know. I only know I really miss driving. A lot.

The last bus ride home this afternoon was murder. Half the bus was full of teenagers. They were very loud and had exactly no manners. If I wasn’t such a coward I would have told them to sit down and shut up but being the mild-mannered forest creature I am, I didn’t. Sometimes I wish I was tough but I’m not.

Anyway, the other bus rides were ok. Much better than the crowded commuter trains in the morning. This morning they were delayed again. I wonder if they’ll run at all when winter comes for real with snow and ice.  Last winter there were a lot of problems with the trains. But last winter I didn’t have to go anywhere. And I had the car to drive.

This winter  I will have to go to the office five days a week. It will be fun. Maybe not.

Today the  government presented next years budget. Not much they had to offer for the unemployed and the poor. But a tax cut for restaurant meals instead. Supposed to be good to create some more jobs but I doubt it. And meals won’t be cheaper. The restaurant owners will earn a bit more money. That’s all.

I’ve soon been out of work for five years with a 6 month employment in 2008 as the only break from poverty and unemployment. Before this unemployment I had my leg problems that lasted more than a year. So life’s been good.

Not that I haven’t tried. I keep trying. I do what I can but the times are tough and I’m looking for a lover who’ll come on in and cover me… No, I’m not much of a bargain. Actually I’m not looking anymore. That time has passed. I’ll have to be happy with the way things are.

This sounds so depressing I think I need to stop writing. Nobody likes bad news and my endless whining.

Next post will be more fun.

Peace.

Too fast

The other day while taking some photos of  flowers in the garden I thought of how fast the seasons change and how short the summer really is here. I’ve never thought of it before the same way but after this winter when there was snow covering the ground from November to late March I have really longed for a long warm summer. Now it seems it won’t be longer than usual.Perhaps two months at the most. Three months if we are really, really lucky then we fall back into darkness and cold and eventually snow.

Spotify provides nice background music when it selects John Mellencamp‘s depressing tune Empty Hands while on auto-shuffle through my playlist.

So I think time is moving too fast. Going faster every year. Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe I’m just too slow.

Anyway A Camp comes next singing about love being stronger than Jesus and how love can kill anyone like a shotgun…. Not a very promising proposition. And yet, without love what have I got left ?

 

Nothing much

Happened to type a few words. Nothing special. I did have some idea for a post but I’m saving it for later. Will have to do some research before I write that one, so that I will get all the facts of the matter. In any case it will be up soon enough unless I feel like being lazy.

Saturday so far has been a calm, quiet day. A bit windy and not very sunny weather but no more rain – yet. Had made some plans for things to do but as usual I started doing something else instead. Not good. But time has passed anyway. It seems to do that pretty fast lately, or maybe I’m just getting older. Don’t know.

Listening to old Bruce Springsteen recordings while I write to keep me in the mood or maybe in order to find out what mood I’m in.

Later I will probably fall asleep early as I seem to do all the time since I started at the office. Of course I also wake up rather early. Around 5 am most mornings. Probably has to do with the sun coming up early and shining through my bedroom window.

I’m not in chatrooms as often as I used to. Not many people around I feel like talking to. Mostly I lurk in the shadows or spend my time on Twitter or Tumblr. How fast things change. I remember little over a month ago I spent nights and days in chatrooms, talking, laughing and having fun. Would be easy to say I miss those times but I know that all good things have to come to an end before they come around again.

Anyway spring is here and summer will be next. I’m so happy the snow is gone for some months now.  Been hard to have snow and cold weather from November and all through March. Glad that the backbreaking shoveling is done. Still now I have to start to take pills to fight my allergy. Can’t stand grass and lots of other  things. And this time of year we have to avoid getting too much sun due to the UV-radiation and after having spent a long winter without much sunlight at all that’s not easy.

I guess life is never good enough or only good or whatever. Still I feel better about life this April than last April, even though nothing has changed. Except perhaps making a new friend and finding a place to be at that makes me feel better about myself and helps me keep a positive outlook on life. Reason enough to be thankful, I’d say.

Thanks.

 

 

A week of Mondays

Hi, readers!

Been too long in the wasteland. Time for me to give you all something new from my keyboard instead the old stuff I’ve been posting lately. I’ve also been posting a lot of stuff – words and pictures – I’ve found at various places around the web. Although I find that stuff interesting I also feel I should provide you all with some original content on a regular basis.

However, lately there isn’t a lot happening worth writing blog posts about. So I’m limited in what I have to write about unless I type up another statement about my inner workings. There are a lot of those already and they seem to be cloned from the same source most of  the time. I’m thinking it will be of limited interest for anyone to read another one of those. So I am left with some kind of daily updates about what I’m doing. These will be even more boring than any other posts but are all I can offer right now.

My Monday started when I woke up at 6 am. Didn’t get up then. Looked at the time and closed my eyes again. Had a short thought about masturbating but decided against it. Didn’t feel like I had the time enough to do it properly. Better quality than quantity these days. Lazy being the other reason.

Instead I finally got up around 7. Looked out, saw a cloudy sky. Temperature above zero, which was good. Didn’t have to scrape any frost off of the car windows. Made breakfast – one sandwich and a glass of water – and lunch for work – two sandwiches cut in half. Got dressed, brushed teeth, washed face and hands. Got out to the car, started and I was on my way. First stop gas station. Filled up enough to last the week. Cost an arm and a leg. And the shirt off my back had I been wearing one. Instead I got away clean.

Made it to the office in time to be early. Didn’t mind. Went in. Started the computer. Went to work. Well first I checked my email, then my Twitter, then my blog and then a quick peek at MFC and then I went to work on my writing project. Worked without much of a break until lunch. Had one hour off. Listened to music, tweeted and checked my blog and email. Nothing new there. Read some news from Japan. Drank coffee and ate my sandwich.

Afternoon went by quickly. Work wasn’t that efficient the last hour or so but by then I had gotten enough done for the day anyway.  Drove back home with the sun in my eyes most of the time. Almost felt like summer if I didn’t look at the snow by the side of the road.

At home I had a slice of pizza and some soup for dinner. Then I went out to hack away some of the ice off of the driveway. After doing that for a while decided to reward myself with something to eat from the grocery store so I took the car, drove there and got some juice, water (I know ,don’t buy water bottles) ,cheese and cookies.  Went back home, settled down in front of my computer, watched L.A. Story and had some juice and cheese. Later I watched cams at MFC for a while while tweeting a bit and checking my email again.  Decided to finish this blog post and that is exactly what I’ve been doing since then. Now I am done.

Will be going to sleep very soon so I’ll wish everyone a good night and a Happy Tuesday! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Peace!