Seven years of blogging

Soon, in June, this blog celebrates 7 years of existence.

It started out as my outlet for thoughts and feelings generated by interactions at a community webcam chat site.  Then it evolved into something like an online autobiography written and published one post at a time. From time to time I have also published pure fictional writings that have often been simple spur of the moment things. Some of my posts have been about certain topics – some attempts to discuss those topics and present my opinions. A lot of posts have also been about my interest in music, movies, books and food. Through the years I have posted photos, pictures, audio and video clips to break the blocks of text and to make the blog more entertaining.

When I started back in 2005 I never imagined having any readers but of course I hoped some people would find their way to my blog and perhaps even find it interesting enough to come back.  Now, seven years later, I know I have readers and even readers who regularly follow my writing here. I am very grateful for each and every one of you and thank you for reading my texts. I will do my best to continue writing and publish texts and other material in order to keep you interested.

However, what I write will still be whatever I feel like writing and that way it will as always reflect my personality. I will not ever attempt to adjust my style in order to attract more readers or try to figure out what will please the most readers.

Since people have found their way here and continued to follow my blog without me trying to please anyone, I think it would be stupid to start now. I will continue being me. That’s a promise.

 

 

Always Monday

A Game of Thrones (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had my mind set on writing something else this Monday but the way things turn out made me have to change my plan.

It all started in a nice way with a late evening, night and early morning in a chat room. Then I slept for a few hours. When I woke up it was because I needed to help my mother go to see the doctor. When she got there, he sent her on to the hospital while I was busy getting some errands done.  The rest of my day I spent waiting for news. I even called the hospital to check.

The local doctor had suspected a stroke, that’s why he wanted my mother to go to the hospital to be examined by specialists. My mother has had some trouble with walking and standing up without falling or being unsteady and felt dizzy from time to time. Everyone around her has asked her to see the doctor and find out what’s wrong but she has refused until this morning.

I was supposed to do some job searching but I could not focus on anything while waiting for news about my mother. To ease my anxiety I did take a nap for about an hour and after that I felt less worried. Nevertheless, I got calls from my aunt and later I called my oldest brother to let him know what was going on.

When I finally got word that my mother was on her way home and that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong, I was very relieved. I also felt very tired from all the nervous waiting around for news.

Edit: Today, Wednesday May 16th, the doctor at the hospital called and told my mother that the x-rays showed she had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage a while back. There has been one incident one morning some weeks ago when she fell to the floor after having got up from her bed.  Suddenly things have become serious again.

Somehow I managed to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones in the middle of all this. It was good but I still think things move along a bit too slow. Anyway, I’m hooked on it and will keep watching.

My first plan for the evening was to upload more photos to my Flickr album but I never got myself to do it. Too many other things going on and too many thoughts running around.

When I’m done writing this, I’ll be heading to bed. And sleep.  All night. Unless the bed bugs bite.

Peace. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Don’t forget that. Tuesdays are people too. I mean days. Of the week.

Awkward. Is it warm in here?

Good night.

Type headline here

Hello there, have you missed me?

Not yet? Ok, I’ll go away a bit longer next time and see if that helps. Now I’m back and as usual I have no idea what to type here so I will make it up as I go. Most of the time that means the post will be a ramble and end without any warning. So, with all that out of the way – what shall we talk about?

Did anything happen today worth mentioning?  Two things I can think of right away.

1) I masturbated before brushing my teeth this morning. I did have clothes on though. Actually it was yesterday morning as I’m typing this past midnight on Friday evening or rather Saturday morning. For you Americans it will still be Friday for a few hours so don’t worry about it unless you’ll be reading this tomorrow when it will be Saturday for you lot too.

2) Can’t remember. Wait, now I remember. I had to use public transportation today to get to and from the office. In the morning it wasn’t so bad but in the afternoon it was a piece of living hell. Warm, humid, crowded and sweaty. On top of that the teen slacker generation.

I heard them talking on the bus while on the way home. One guy was proud of not having studied for a test at school so he could leave early and have the day off. Instead of being in school he had been skateboarding. Another guy was talking about how he spent his allowance in three days and then told his parents his account was empty. What the parents did? Gave him more money. The third guy was happy to have switched schools because at the new school he had gotten a MacBook that he would get to buy later at a low cost. His friend at another school had “only” gotten an iPad. I was thinking of all the tax money going to waste on these teenage students by providing them with fancy hardware at school when they don’t seem to bother learning anything.

Ok, enough grumpy old man for today.

At the office I wrote some texts or edited some I had written. My serious blog project over there is making progress but my job search isn’t. However, soon it will be summer and the job market will be a bit slow so I don’t expect any miracles. All I do is keep trying.

Had a very healthy fish dinner but proceeded to spoil that by eating Pringles chips and sour cream dip. Then I had a few cookies and some juice. All of this while watching ice hockey on TV.  Sweden lost a very violent game against Russia.

For those of you who follow my tweets not much of the information in this post is new, but you can’t expect me to create exclusive content for all my channels. Or is that what you expect me to do?

Later in the evening I begun to watch Get The Gringo starring Mel Gibson, but soon stopped in order to write this instead. After this I might end up in a chat room somewhere.

Now I have reached the end. Not bad for not knowing what to type.

Peace.

Something new?

I’ve been thinking. Thinking. Should I update or not? Should I really put my ass on the line again, just for the satisfaction of reading my words on this blog once more? Sometimes, I can’t decide if it’s worth it or not. Sometimes I think I have nothing more to say about anything to anyone at all.

It was like that the other night. I was in a chat room having a nice chat with my beautiful friend, laughing and having a good time, when suddenly it hit me: I have no idea what more to say, no idea at all. Of course I didn’t stop typing just because I didn’t know what more to say. Instead I kept on typing and somehow words came out that made some kind of sense, had a meaning and kept the convo going. I was happy to have gotten through without falling silent.

The next day I started thinking about writing an update for this blog. I had some ideas, I even had one text all worked out in the back of my head but when I thought about writing it I got second thoughts and cold feet and suddenly didn’t feel like writing it. Or anything else.

The day after was the same. The thought came: it’s time to update and then the next thought was: I don’t want to. Not now, not today. I do have ideas but I don’t feel like sharing them anymore.  So I did something else. Looked at Tumblr dashboard, read tweets and listened to music. Also watched some sort of fancy Danish porn movie: All About Anna but without much interest. After some more thinking I decided to go to sleep. Still without updating.

I woke up this morning and knew that today I would have to update this blog – somehow. The show must go on. That’s just the way it is. Some things will never change.

However, I still feel a lot of resistance even as I’m writing this. A voice in my head tells me to not do this. To not finish it. To not publish it. But, I will publish. Have I done this much writing I will not throw it out, I will publish it no matter what I think. So, this is why this update is the way it is. No secrets, no lies. Only words.

Time for an update

Morning, Wednesday. Nice to see you again. Been a week since last time. How have you been? So and so? Ok. I’ve been mostly rather good. A bit busy, a bit in pain and I’ve had some fun.

At the office I had rather a busy week. Lots of writing to do. Lots of jobs to apply for. Lots of work to do on the blogging project I’m still trying to get going.

Also, I’ve been following the trial against the terrorist in Norway who detonated a bomb killing 8 people in Oslo‘s city center and later shot and killed 69 people (mostly teenagers) at a summer camp on a small island near Oslo on July 22 last year.

A terrible and cruel act of terrorism.

Let’s see, what else have I been up to? Sleeping. Done some of that. Can’t remember how much though. Eating. Yep, done some of that too. Probably not as healthy as I ought to and probably too much at times but hey, I only live once and when I’m dead I’m done so let the good times roll…and rolling is what I’ll be doing if I don’t watch what I eat.

Drinking? Yeah, but nothing containing alcohol. I don’t often drink anything other than water. If I drink anything else its usually juice or Dr Pepper.

What else? I’ve watched Game of Thrones. Just keeps getting better. I wish someone would kill Joffrey, that little sadist annoys me greatly  but  I have a feeling he won’t be punished anytime soon.

Watched some movies. Too many to mention all of them but the best ones have been Toy Story and Monsters, Inc – both produced by Pixar. I have only a few more to watch before having seen all of them.

I have also been listening to music. Usually on Spotify. There’s really no need for any other source. At least not for me. I keep finding stuff I didn’t know of as well as stuff i like that I haven’t listened to for some years. Now that Spotify links are possible to embed into Tumblr and WordPress it has become even better as a source for sharing and discussing music.

Ok, what else. Yes, I have been to some chat rooms to see some people and enjoyed a few fun nights. Been really nice.

The rest of the time I have had some chores to take care of.

I think that’s all there is.

No sex? Nope, no sex. Unless  a few moments of daydreaming in connection with thoughts of a certain someone counts? Maybe. Perhaps. Does it matter? Not really.

Peace.

Snowy Saturday, 2012

Yes, I’m back.

This Saturday I woke up around 10:24 am, after having gone to sleep at around 7:00 am. Needless to say I didn’t plan to stay awake all night. It just happened to be that way because a friend was online and I couldn’t pass on a night of fun.

When I looked out my window this morning I wanted to go straight bacck to bed though. The world was all white, covered in snow.  Heavy, wet snow.  Yet I did rise and had my breakfast. Made my way out through the snow to the mailbox to collect the Saturday morning paper. Read it.

Then had some rest for a few hours before having some food in time for the afternoon hockey game broadcast to start on TV. Watched the exciting game and then had some more food before going out to shovel some more snow away from the driveway.

The evening I’m spending listening to music on Spotify. reading tweets, looking at my Tumblr dashboard and writing this update.  Probably it will be another long night of fun also.

If the weather is better tomorrow I hope to be able to get out and do some shopping.

Easter Saturday, 2012

Hello people!

Taking some time away from things I ought to do to bring you this update. Perhaps it will be a waste of your time or perhaps not. Nobody knows for sure.

The weather today is sunny but the winds are cold and there’s still some snow on the ground. However its a lot better than yesterday. I didn’t go out at all.

Today I will probably have to as there are some things I have to buy for the Easter dinner to be complete. Also I want to get out and get some air and a bit of sun.

My pains are somewhat mysterious but I’ve been able to conclude they are not caused by kidney stones. What the cause is I haven’t figured out but since the pain comes and goes and isn’t getting any worse or more frequent I’m guessing it’s not a sign of  anything too serious, only seriously annoying. So now I’m trying to determine if it has something to do with certain food items or  not.  I know I ought to see a doctor to perhaps find out what the problem is, but since I’m not really ill in any other way I think maybe it’s not that serious after all.

I did only watch parts of some movies yesterday.  I also listened to some music on Spotify.  Then I spent a lot of time looking through my Tumblr dashboard and also some time reading my Twitter timeline. My day ended in a chatroom of a friend, then I went to sleep.

Today I hope to remember to watch episode 7 of Game of Thrones since I’ve managed to forget it for the last few days. At first I didn’t like that show much, but after watching some more of it I started to be interested and now I actually find it entertaining enough to want to follow it.

Later on I expect to talk to some friends and have some fun. Maybe I’ll watch some TV or some movie. I’m sure I’ll be having some Easter candy as Easter is a lot about candy in Sweden lately. It used to be about painting and eating  boiled eggs, pickled herrings, salmon, roasted lamb and such but now the candy eggs are IT.  A long, long time ago I believe Easter also had some kind of religious significance but I’m not sure what.

Happy Easter!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Yesterday, or perhaps the day before, I almost wrote something stupid on this blog. Again. However, after almost finishing the post I realized it would not do any good to publish it. Also, it was below my usual standards.

The topic was webcam chat sites and what happens there. I decided I’ve written enough about this topic and my views remain the same as last time I wrote something about the subject. However, recently I have been thinking about my many years spent dealing with this subject and the various experiences I’ve had.

What once started out of curiosity and as a way to pass some time, became a way of life over time. For some years it was even an obsession. Leading to many different results both good and bad. I wouldn’t want to be without this experience but the last few months I have been feeling it’s time to move on. In a way I already have. I spend much less time at the site now. I have other things to do in my spare time. Much of the change can be found in the fact that I have very few people to talk to at the site and that the times when I do are few and far between. I’m no longer looking to get to know any new people as I don’t feel like it and don’t know  why I would want to. The people I still know are good enough to keep in touch with. In the years past I often looked for new people to talk to and sometimes I found new friends online. I was a different person then. I was more outgoing, felt more safe and secure in my life and I had a better income. All in all, I found it easy and fun and didn’t have too many things to worry about. What I did have to worry about were enough but in those days I could forget my problems and have fun while being in chatrooms. Now I find myself having trouble to let go of my problems and enjoy myself. I don’t even know what to talk about most of the time. I wish I could find my way back to the easygoing and fun guy I used to be. I know that the person I am now is not the way I really am or want to be. I just can’t shake the uneasy feeling I have.

So many things keep going wrong that I have almost lost all confidence and become very nervous and scared. This makes me less interested in sticking my neck out and making myself noticed. I prefer to hide away in the shadows. Not a good method but that’s how it is.

Maybe things will change when summer comes along. I don’t know. I only know I feel like giving up on everything and just go away and live my life in some far away cave.

This was supposed to be a positive update but I guess it will have to wait until I write another one.

Sorry, I wish I could be a better entertainer.

Peace.

Sometimes

Sometimes it’s good to stop and not rush in like a fool. I was about to update this sooner but I’m glad I didn’t. That text would not have been clever if it had been written and published then. At that time I didn’t have all the facts and would have risked jumping to conclusions, the wrong conclusions. Now that the facts are in I am able to write something better.

Yesterday I didn’t do much of anything. I had been awake almost to 6am hoping to have a little fun in a chatroom but instead I spent the night waiting. Needless to say after that adventure I was tired because I slept only about 4 hours before getting up again.  Not much later my mother invited me to have dinner at the local pizza place so we went there in the early afternoon and had some pizza before going grocery shopping and then returning home.

The rest of the evening I spent watching the live broadcast of Whitney Houston’s funeral service online  and later I also watched the third qualifying competition of the Swedish Song Contest on public television.

Before going to sleep I looked around at chatrooms and took a quick look at Chatroulette. I also looked at my Tumblr dashboard. Feeling slightly bored and tired I fell asleep after midnight. Slept well and woke up around 6am then went back to sleep for another 3 hours.

Got up and got dressed at around 9:30am.  Checked Twitter and read some posts. Went out and removed some snow, got the morning paper and returned inside to read it. Got a call from my uncle asking if I would like to go to the theater. I didn’t really feel like it but eventually I said I would go. He had a ticket left over due to another person’s illness and didn’t want it to go to waste.

The play was a production of  Noel Coward‘s Brief Encounter where the live action on stage was integrated with filmed sequences shown on a screen above the stage. It was an entertaining show but I can’t say it was the best I’ve ever seen. At one point I even started to fall asleep which was odd since the play is only about 90 minutes long.

I went to buy some groceries on the way home and got back just as it started to snow. Had dinner and then went to check out the latest news from the online world.

Soon I will have a shower and then I have a few more hours to kill before going to sleep again.  Another weekend over and done.

Peace.

 

New post Monday

It’s Monday. Time to write something new.

I was going to do it yesterday but I was too tired to start.

This weekend and all of last week was very cold. Especially at night. Some places in Sweden had colder nights than ever recorded before. It started to feel like a sequel to the movie The Day After Tomorrow.

The car could not handle the cold very well. The battery died and had to be charged. Never happened last winter even though there were many cold nights then too. I had to figure out how to charge the battery which was a bit of a learning experience. I’m not good at fixing anything to do with cars but I try to learn as I go along. Haven’t had the need to learn until just a few years ago, so it will take some time. However after about 4 hours charge the car could be started and now it seems to work as normal except for some strange sound from the engine. I’m a bit worried about what it could be. Don’t know if it’s something that will need fixing.

Friday night it was very cold outside. I spent part of  the night online, at a chatroom and had a nice few hours of talk. It was good because most  of Saturday and Sunday was spent working on the car – outside.

I watched the first part of the Swedish Song Contest “Melodifestivalen” on TV on Saturday night. There were only a few really good songs and performers among the eight competing songs and luckily the one I liked the most made it to the next round and will have a second chance to reach the final competition.

The headlines the day after only talked about the incident when an older male performer briefly put his hand on the behind of the young good-looking female host of the show while she hugged him after interviewing him. Seems this made the whole of Sweden explode in some kind of moral outrage. I guess it says something about our society. Not sure exactly what though.

Sunday evening I managed to start the car and went for a drive. After that I watched some TV, had  a shower and went to bed.

Today I had a meeting at the office with a workgroup about social media. The idea is to study social media and how they can be used to aid in job search and employment. Might be interesting to be a part of.

I’m also working on my own project and making some slow progress. Other than that not much is happening. Life goes on. Time goes by. I get older. Days are getting longer. Sun is up earlier, sets later. I wish Spring would be here.

Peace.