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My Sunday

Published 11/15/2011 by MoonieZ

I forgot to write about my Sunday, I didn’t only watch movies.

It was Father’s Day here and as usual I went to the church with my mother to light a candle at my father’s grave. The rest of the day I did think about him a lot and wondered if he would have been happy to know I finally finished my studies. I think he would have liked that I didn’t give it up even though it did take a lot longer than I ever thought it would. Also I was very close to giving up many times during the past ten years.

Sometimes I wish I had my father around so I could ask some questions I can’t seem to figure out the answers to myself. I miss him. I miss that he always were around and ready to lend a hand or help out with some good advice.  I miss that he could always make the mood of a room better just by being in it. He was good at making other people feel good and at ease. He was almost always smiling and in a good mood. Rarely got angry but when he did he exploded. It didn’t last long though. He was good at sports. Competed in cross-country skiing and in gymnastics among other sports. Won some regional championships. Of course he was also very good at his job. He finished his pilot training in the Swedish Air Force as number one in his class out of about 50 students. Only about half of the students who had been admitted finished the course and I think  a few even crashed and were killed during training so it was rather dangerous to become a pilot in those days. Later on he studied to become an air traffic controller and worked as such the rest of his time in the Air Force.

The rest of my Sunday I watched a few movies, listened to music. Had  a shower, washed my hair and went to sleep rather early to ready for Monday and a new week at the office.

More words for a Sunday

Published 11/06/2011 by MoonieZ

Going to watch the final episode of a TV drama – Mad Dogs.  Then go to sleep.

My Sunday has been nice. I’ve spent it doing very little. I wrote a post for this blog in the morning after having had breakfast and read the morning paper. After writing the text I listened to some music on Spotify while looking at Tumblr. Then I masturbated. Felt rather good.

Later in the day, early afternoon I had Sunday dinner with my mother and my uncle and aunt. It was nice and the food was good. After clearing the table and washing some dishes I went for a drive to do some shopping for my mother. I also bought some stuff for myself. Returned home to read some tweets and look at Tumblr while having a drink and some snacks.

I had planned to have a shower and wash my hair but ended up only having a shower due to not having energy enough to wash my long hair. Will do it tomorrow evening instead. I know this sounds like I’m really lazy but some days I just can’t find the energy to do it. Anyway only one more week then I’m going to cut most of it off and have really short hair for the rest of the year. Now I look too much like a heavy metal fan or a hippie.

Now I’ll just finish this and then go get ready for sleep. Tomorrow is another long day at the office.

Peace.

 

Let it all go

Published 09/11/2011 by MoonieZ

[Written 07/10/2011]

That’s what I have to do. Easy it’s not but still there’s no other way. Let it all go. In a way it ought to be really easy. There wasn’t anything to hold on to in the first place. Only my dream. Only my hopes. My hopes and dreams. The hope  and the dream that finally, this time, for once ,it would be me. My turn. That it would happen, that which has eluded me for so many years until I gave up and turned my back on it. Something made me hope again, something made me scramble to find the last remains of will, effort, energy and determination. The last ounce of persistence to try to make it more than a dream. Of course it failed. It had to. Who was I to think I would have anything to offer in this world.What a joke. And the joke is on me. Always has and always will be.

For some years I had a friend who really managed to build me up. Build my ruined confidence and get me to believe in myself and my ability. Opened my eyes and made me see things in different ways. For some time I felt happy and looked at the world without fear of ridicule. Felt brave and secure in way I had never felt before and don’t feel anymore.

Time to stop dreaming

Published 07/04/2011 by MoonieZ

Been doing too much of that. Time to get back to reality and face the facts. I’ve been ignoring the facts for too long. Made myself into a joke. At least it felt good to dream. For some time. Now I don’t think it will be good in the long run so even if it feels bad in the moment it will be for better later to let the dreams go and focus on what is real. Don’t have to be all bad to do that even if it might seem like it at first. So that’s what I’ll do.

Back to the old drawing board.

On a lighter note.

I went to the cinema last night. First time in years. Watched Transformers 3: The Dark of the Moon, in 3 D and it was rather awesome. Only  thing I regret is that I had very tired eyes which made the viewing a bit painful but the movie was a great visual feast and had some fun moments as well as some thrilling ones. A perfect summer action movie.  Maybe the story in the two previous parts was better but the action is just as spectacular as ever in a Michael Bay movie.

Night

Published 12/14/2010 by MoonieZ

It’s night, all dark and quiet around here. Living close to the country is a blessing sometimes and at other times not. At night I appreciate the silence. However some nights when I can’t sleep the silence becomes disturbing. The few sounds there are drive me nuts at those times. Luckily lately I have little trouble sleeping as I seem to have made my peace with a lot of worries and other issues. I don’t know how long it will last but for now I’m happy.

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