Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hello!

Happy International Women’s Day!

Yes, I know. this isn’t the funny update I promised yesterday. I’m so sorry to disappoint you. It won’t happen again.

Earlier this week, police fired more than 10 shots through the window of a gym in Stockholm while trying to arrest three armed robbers who had recently held up a goldsmith’s store. Luckily nobody in the gym was injured by the shots but it proved to me that going to the gym can sometimes be hazardous to one’s health.

The Swedish Prime Minister and his wife are separating. Being in politics and in charge of a whole nation can obviously put a strain on a marriage. The interesting aspect of this news item is that every media commentator seems to feel a need to comment on this, if only to state that they hope everyone else will not comment or discuss it.

MoonieZ is trying to stop worrying and learn to love the bomb. As this is a very difficult task MoonieZ can’t promise any fast results.

The weather today is chilly but sunny.

Peace.

Life is good

It should be. It could be. It might  be.

Today I woke up from a dream. I don’t know what it was about but it was probably nice. As I got out of bed I felt a pain in my body. I feel that pain almost every minute I’m awake lately. No matter if I walk, stand, sit. Only when I lay down to sleep does it stop, or perhaps I just don’t notice while I sleep. Anyway I know I must go see a doctor about but I haven’t found the  courage yet. I always hope pain will go away eventually. This pain hasn’t.

Seems the car isn’t ready to be used yet. I had hoped to have it back this week but now I don’t know. I only know I really miss driving. A lot.

The last bus ride home this afternoon was murder. Half the bus was full of teenagers. They were very loud and had exactly no manners. If I wasn’t such a coward I would have told them to sit down and shut up but being the mild-mannered forest creature I am, I didn’t. Sometimes I wish I was tough but I’m not.

Anyway, the other bus rides were ok. Much better than the crowded commuter trains in the morning. This morning they were delayed again. I wonder if they’ll run at all when winter comes for real with snow and ice.  Last winter there were a lot of problems with the trains. But last winter I didn’t have to go anywhere. And I had the car to drive.

This winter  I will have to go to the office five days a week. It will be fun. Maybe not.

Today the  government presented next years budget. Not much they had to offer for the unemployed and the poor. But a tax cut for restaurant meals instead. Supposed to be good to create some more jobs but I doubt it. And meals won’t be cheaper. The restaurant owners will earn a bit more money. That’s all.

I’ve soon been out of work for five years with a 6 month employment in 2008 as the only break from poverty and unemployment. Before this unemployment I had my leg problems that lasted more than a year. So life’s been good.

Not that I haven’t tried. I keep trying. I do what I can but the times are tough and I’m looking for a lover who’ll come on in and cover me… No, I’m not much of a bargain. Actually I’m not looking anymore. That time has passed. I’ll have to be happy with the way things are.

This sounds so depressing I think I need to stop writing. Nobody likes bad news and my endless whining.

Next post will be more fun.

Peace.

Easter thoughts

So this is Easter…2011.

Thinking back to April 2008. That’s when I last had a real job. It had just started. I thought it would last. It didn’t. After 6 months it was over. Trying to find a new one after that has proved to be difficult. Hundreds of applications, phone calls, meetings and a few interviews later I am still without a job. My economy is ruined. I can only afford to stay alive and pay my rent. There’s no room for anything except very basic stuff. I am only a small step above rock bottom. A small step away from sleeping on the sidewalk. True, in Sweden there is a “safety net” or at least there used to be. The current government hasn’t made caring for the poor into a priority. Rather the opposite.

Anyway my idea was not to go off on a rant this Good Friday but I can’t help it sometimes. Had been reading about some political issues and so my post started where my thoughts happened to be.

The weather is great today. I have enjoyed my day off from the office. Will probably start to work on the writing project later on. If I can find the energy. There’s nothing I’d like more than to have that writing done so that I can start developing new ideas and move forward. There are projects I am eager to start working on but can’t as long as the writing isn’t done.

Sorry, I keep repeating myself. The idea was to write something new and interesting today but it seems it didn’t happen.

Anyway I don’t feel too depressed. I feel rather good about life. As it can’t get much worse and there are some things to be happy for. Some friends  too.

Happy Easter!

Take the edge off the heat

I know those words in my headline are quoted from the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen‘s song Jackson Cage. After finishing the post below I happened to think of this song and those words in particular. To me the song is about being or feeling trapped in a life with no or few options and to not feel very good about that life while it still remains all you’ve got. This I relate to my own life where I often feel that I am my own worst enemy.

Now I was going to write this in order to let the cool of the night take the edge off the heat in my previous post. So I’ll just do that then.

My Saturday started early.

I never went to sleep on Friday night. Although I’m certain I must have slept at some point during the night. However I woke up to take part in a fun time in a chatroom of a friend. This lasted all through the morning and into the afternoon of my Saturday. I felt very happy to be there as I always do.

After it finished I felt to high on the good times I’d had to be able to do much of anything but I managed to get some chores done.

Well, only managed to drive my mother to the graveyard in order to light a candle at my father’s grave. The usual weekend routine. Then on to the grocery store for some food and back home for some relaxing, tweeting and daydreaming until the night.

Oh, I almost forgot I had a  rather good dinner on Saturday. Steamed cod fillet, creamy fish sauce, jasmine rice and some fresh tomatoes on the side. Delicious!

At night I ought to have slept but I didn’t go to bed. Instead I seem to have fallen asleep in my chair at times while listening to music and even having my webcam on. Very strange. However at one point I did go to bed for a nap. Woke up again feeling cold and went back to my chair in front of the screen. Sat there until dawn and then some.

Took a break when my uncle came by to visit. Took another break when it was time for dinner. Frozen TV dinner heated by microwave. Tasted like one can expect from such a dish. Not much but at least it was warm. Also had one half of an avocado. That was more to my taste.

Spent the rest of the evening watching my screen until I finally couldn’t hold my eyes open and decided to sleep around 6pm. Slept without dreaming to around 9 pm. Got up, got back to my chair and here I am now. Writing blog posts, watching tweets and writing a few. Thinking I should not be so caught up by my own small problems when another dictatorship is about to fall and history is being written, but still can’t help it.

My surface might not reveal it but underneath there are lots of conflicting emotions running around. I feel weak trying to make sense of this turmoil. I might not even try at all.

What I’ll do the rest of tonight I don’t know yet but I’m sure time will tell.

Nostalgia

Image via Wikipedia

I remember the early February days back in 1986. Last half of the last year of highschool had just begun.  Walking home from the bus station after having gone through another day of school. Probably thinking of some movie I had seen – or some book I was reading. Hearing the sound of some song in my head. Softly singing the words to myself. Might have been some tune off of Jackson Browne‘s album Lives In The Balance but it may also have been one from Steve Winwood, John Mellencamp or Bruce Springsteen. The full catastrophe of our prime minister being shot dead in the street while on his way home from a cinema had yet to hit the nation. Things were pretty good and as normal as normal can be.

Why do I think of this now ? I was watching  music video clips on YouTube today and suddenly had some flashbacks from when I first heard the songs.

In those days  I was often thinking of some story to write. Settings, characters and themes, bits and pieces of dialogue were floating through my mind  while I walked the 2ooo meters back home. Also I was most likely thinking of a certain blonde girl in my class whom I happened to have a big crush on at the time. I had just begun to communicate with her through old-school hand-written letters sent by postal mail. That’s what people did back then. They actually sat down with a pen and paper and wrote letters, folded the paper, put it in an envelope and mailed it. Then they waited a few days for the receiver to read and respond to the letter.  It wasn’t all instant like today’s email, chat, twitter and Facebook. Anyway, I had probably just gotten a letter or just sent one and had to think about what would happen next or what the response ought to be. It would still be more than  a month before I would get the letter that would shatter my hopes and dreams but for the time being I was happy to have the connection I had.

What else was I thinking about? Probably politics. I had just recently begun to take an interest in political matters and my freshly formed and rather shallow political views were decidedly left-wing. That was one reason why I bought Jackson Browne’s album. Also I had begun to pick up on some political currents in the music of Springsteen and Mellencamp.

Sweden back in those days had a political climate dominated by the ruling Social Democratic Party (Arbetarepartiet Socialdemokraterna) and the mood  of the society has since  been described as rather dull and  bland. However , I liked living in Sweden back in those days. Unemployment was almost zero, taxes were high but the standard of living was also at the absolute top among the nations of the world. Things worked back then. Life was safe and secure and you didn’t have to worry as much as today. Sure there were only two channels of national public service television available and not too many radio channels. But it worked. It was stable.  The future looked bright as a job would not be too hard to find once school was finished.

While being a rather dull and bland society, Sweden  was and is heavily influenced by American popular culture. To the degree that some critics were saying even back then that Sweden ought to be the 51st state of the United States of America.

We have most of the fast-food franchises (not as many then as  there are today), are influenced by American cuisine, we listen to American music, read American books and magazines,  follow American sports, watch American TV-shows and of course lots of American movies. We wear clothes influenced by American fashion and we are generally skilled at speaking English.

Being a teenager in Sweden was hence not much different  from being a teenager in the United States. At least that was what many  of us believed since not many had actually visited the United States or had any real knowledge of what it actually is like to live in the American society. Our image of American life was formed by TV, music and movies and while not entirely false it was by no means realistic. It was a dream or perhaps a kind of illusion we all  willingly indulged in. Even those of us who  were opposed to the American influence upon the rest of the world.

I’m not sure where I am going with this post so I might aswell end it before I digress further.  At least it is a sort of glimpse of a time long gone. Perhaps.  Maybe only a lot of words.

Goodbye 2010 !

Ok, I promised to return to the topic of why I wish this year to end quickly. Well, here I am and its New Years Eve. All ready to type away.  I have made a previous post about how my life turned out this year for those who might be interested to read it or perhaps read it again…  But, there are other reasons for wanting this year 2010 to end. Reasons that have more to do with the world outside than my small and insignificant life.

Let’s start off easy with the place where I live. This little community located not far from the big capital city of Stockholm have this year seen the rise of a political party with only one goal: to break this small community away from the municipality and form a new one. All this has to do with money and taxes. The people living in this little community are for the most part ordinary people with decent income who seem to think that the taxes they pay should only benefit this little community and not also the rest of the municipality to which it belongs. I do not support this egocentric way of thinking and hope that this new party will not succeed in their mission.

Next reason for why this year should end quickly is located at the national level. Our government. This years general election did not end well for the party I support but what’s worse is that a small right-wing party which is considered to be racist in its political views gained enough votes to win seats in the parliament. I am sad to see this happen in my country.

The ruling alliance of parties who were elected to govern Sweden four years ago remains in power after this years election but with a loss of the majority in the parliament. This has had very little effect so far and the alliance has continued its policy of increasing the differences between rich and poor, employed and unemployed and last but not least healthy and sick. This is done through tax cuts and other measures for the wealthy, healthy and employed and through decreasing aid to the poor, unemployed and ill. This policy has affected me a lot during the past four years and will continue through the coming years if I don’t get lucky and manage to find someone who will want to employ me. I had high hopes for a change of policy in Sweden if a new government had been elected but this failed. There were not enough people who wanted a change to take place.  Solidarity has more or less fallen by the roadside during the last decade or so. Egoism seems to be rule from the top to the bottom of society. Maybe this will start to change by next year but I seriously doubt it will.

Last but not least: the world. No end here to finding reasons why this year 2010 sucked and needs to end quickly. Wars, escalating conflicts, terrorism (even in Stockholm), social tensions, religious conflicts, fanaticism, global financial crisis, banks going bankrupt, increasing unemployment, volcanoes erupting, floods, famine, snowstorms, ice storms, heavy rain, strong winds, freezing cold, heatwaves, Wikileaks controversy,  several nations economies collapsing, global warming, climate change…

The list goes on and on. Of course the end of 2010 will not mean the end to or solution of any of the above and the start of 2011 will not affect any of these things right away but perhaps the new year can bring with it the notion that everything eventually has an end and that change is and always will be not only possible but will also be coming and happening whether we like it or not.

Happy New Year !

First week

First week has been murder on my legs and feet. I’m not made for this kind of work anymore. Just too heavy for me. My body can’t handle it. Haven’t got the speed or the strength but I did make an honest try to make it work. Had to give up after a day and half and get some light work. So now I’m arranging the goods on shelfs and keeping it looking well stocked and tidy. It is a very monotonous work but I don’t mind. I’m, not getting paid for it and its work that don’t get done much unless people are doing it as on the job training and that’s what I’m doing. Strange though to think of it as practice and learning when I’ve got 20 years experience already. Well that’s the law of the land these days. Employers can’t afford to employ but they still need work to be done so they hire the unemployed from the government for free and label the work on the job training even though there’s no training going on. The people already know what to do and how to do it. How did this happen ? When did it become too expensive to let people have a regular job and a salary ? Where did all the money go ? Who’s got it ? I know there’s money enough in the world but why isn’t it put to use ? Why have taxes become impossible and why have a safe and caring society become “too expensive” and when did it happen exactly ? People still want to feel safe, have health care, education, and everything else that taxes are used for. People still want to and need to work for a living and have somewhere to live. Businesses still need employees to do the work ? What’s the problem……? That’s what I’d like to know. Because the way we’re going now is not the right way.  Ok, that’s my first week. Enough said.

Want to wish my friends everywhere a great weekend and that you’ll all have a good time and be safe whatever you’re doing and wherever you are. And – yes – You are still on my mind whether you know it or not.

“Lädersulan”

Those were the days …

Sad

The election did not end as I hoped. It ended in a disaster. Sweden have now got a racist party in the Parliament. Never thought I’d see that during my lifetime. I’m very sad and disappointed. And the blue party group will continue to rule. Looking forward to another four years of misery.

Election day

Time for another general election here in my native Sweden this Sunday. Last time was four years ago and the blue team won then. This year the opposing redgreen team is very interested in winning and it looks like it will be a race all the way to the finish line. I’ve been away to vote already and now I’ll spend the rest of the day waiting for the result. I’m hoping for change because the last four years of blue policy have not been very good for the elderly, the ill, the weak, the unemployed or the poor. Those lucky enough to have steady jobs have seen a lot of income tax cuts though and most of those people seem to be happy with the direction the nation is going.  I’m not one of them – I’m not a fortunate son – so I’m voting for a change of direction.