Words in a row

Hey, hi, hello, how’s the world been treating you?

I have to say I’m rather tired today. I slept rather well but woke up a bit early and couldn’t go back to sleep. Tweeted some while still half awake and then somehow got up.  Checked my Tumblr dashboard and reblogged a lot of stuff as usual. Too much being posted there for me to keep up with. But I like to look through it everyday anyway.  Always find some stuff worth looking at or reading. Sometimes fun and sometimes serious.  Somewhere in the middle of this I remember watching a video and masturbating but I could be mistaken as I wasn’t really all awake yet. Then I got ready, dressed, washed and brushed, drank some water to keep my kidney stones at bay through the morning rush hour commuting on buses and trains and went out the door towards the bus stop.

I know I ought to eat some breakfast but 1) I’m actually poor 2) I feel sick if I eat right after waking up so I skip breakfast and eat nothing. I drink water and sometimes I bring some lunch to the office but not always. Far from it. Then when I get home in the early evening I have dinner which is almost always a cooked hot meal. Later in the evening I may sometimes have a snack, a sandwich or some fruit depending on what I have around and what I feel like eating.

The bus was on time, I made it to the train station on time and the commuter train was on time too. Not crowded, I got a good seat close to the doors. I looked out the windows at the frosty landscape rushing by outside and thought about a tweet I had read earlier while still in bed and only barely awake.Something about the word ‘frosty’ had caught my attention.

I arrived at the station where I change trains and found out the other train was delayed. Not much only enough to make me pace around the platform for a few minutes while trying to keep warm. When the train arrived it was not crowded and I got a seat close to the doors again. I looked out the window and noticed I passed by the road leading to my first place of work – a small grocery store in a  suburb.

While I thought about how it had been to work there and the people I had worked with a colleague from the office came walking down the aisle of the train and sat down in the seat opposite.  Soon we started discussing the weather, global warming and climate change.

I said that I’m not sure the changes are due to human activity even though that’s what science claims is true. I have a hard time accepting a few hundred years of industrialism could really affect the Earth this much. My idea is that the climate might change anyway as it has done in the past going from warm to cold and then back to warm again.  Who knows. The Earth has been around a long time and I’m sure it will still be around long after all humans are gone. However this is just what I think and I might be all wrong.

Walking from the station to the office the discussion continued until we had arrived inside.

I went to my room and switched on the computer, set up my stuff, set my phone to charge and eventually started writing and thinking – which means working on my project. Looked out the window at the lake down below and then at the sky beginning to clear. Looked at Twitter, looked at Tumblr and started thinking about updating this blog.

Talked to the supervisor and continued working. Opened Spotify and listened to some new songs on a friend’s playlist while writing some texts for this blog and also one for my project.  Uploaded some photos to the blog and tried to write some more without much success.

Somehow I wasn’t writing what I really wanted and what I wanted I couldn’t write at that moment. Or at any other moment. I have a lot of trouble writing certain things. The thoughts are there and the feelings are there but the words aren’t there. Just refuse to come forward. I’m probably afraid to put it in writing, afraid of the fool I’ll appear to be – mostly to myself. What the world thinks is beyond my control anyway. So I didn’t write it. Instead I wrote about other things for my project, read a lot of news and articles about things I might use for my project and also tweeted and looked at Tumblr now and then. All of this made the day pass by quickly soon enough it was time to pack up and go home, which I did. Got on the first bus and had a terrible pain in my back from the kidney stones as I had neglected to drink enough water during the day.

For most of the hour-long ride home by three different buses I was in pain. So the first thing I did when I got home was to drink a lot of water and relax. Then I had dinner. Fish and potatoes. It was ok but not as good as I expected given the price of the fish had been rather high. After dinner I checked email, tweets, tweeted and checked and reblogged on Tumblr for a while. Also started to listen to music on Spotify and thought about writing some more for this blog as I was not happy with what I had posted so far today.  Had some gingerbread hearts and some water and started to write. And here I am now. Still writing this text. Maybe it’s time to stop now. Not much more to add.  At least not that I can think of. There’ll probably be more tomorrow, I can feel my nostalgic mode getting ready to possess me so I might be going back to the glory of the past days again in another post.

Peace.

Sunday dreaming

In my dream last night I held you close, hugged you tight, buried my face in your hair, felt the shape and warmth of your body close to mine and listened to your breathing as you were sleeping. It felt real and I was happy.

Now I wake from my dream, I wake from my dream to this world

Where all is shadow and darkness and above me a dark sky unfurls*

I find myself once more alone in my bed, tangled up in my blanket, only wishing to fall back into my dream of you.  To return to that happy place. Finding it impossible, I rise to face a new day.

Ain’t nothin’ in this world I can do about it
All I’m thinkin’ about is you*

(*Lyrics from the songs Back In Your Arms and All I’m Thinkin’ About. Both are written by Bruce Springsteen)

Sell my body

Hi readers !

I was getting dressed to go out this afternoon and started to think about selling my body to science or research or whatever the right term is. Perhaps I should know, I did study at the university for a few years but I never had the idea to sell my body. Only idea back then had been to sell my brain but I doubt there’d be much use for it. Anyway as I was getting dressed I looked briefly at my body in the mirror and thought: who would possibly want to use this for anything at all ? Or better yet pay to use it ? No scientist in his/her right mind would. That was my swift conclusion. Then I thought about donating some of my organs. Maybe I could sell my brain, I mean “as good as new” would be a good marketing slogan for a 40-year-old brain. Not all true but close enough. I could sell my liver, my kidneys or my lungs…but I concluded I would have a hard time to stay alive if I did.  So – after a while I thought of setting up a sperm donation agency in which I could employ myself as a travelling consultant/donator from door to door. Instant donation delivered while U wait kind of thing. But I gave it a second thought and decided it would be too much work and I’m not really into mass reproduction anyway. Next I thought maybe this body of mine could do some modelling ? I mean I don’t look too bad…or well not even my mother would agree about that. So modelling was out. So then I thought of sports. Now there’s a career for a male body to pursue. On second thought in my case a bit too late to start now. Never been the jock kind of guy anyway…. So what remains to do in order to earn some money off of this body of mine ? Well construction worker, fireman, police officer, soldier all of those I could rule out. Too old, too much of a coward to be of use in any of those fields. Well then…there’s always porn. Ok, there’s a business for a guy who is able to handle his tool of trade so to speak, and after some consideration I found I’m not one of those guys. Besides the guys aren’t paid as much as the female stars are anyway…So how about gay porn ? Just a thought ? No, No and No. Not that I have anything against homosexuals but I’ve never entered the closet so I don’t have any need to get out of it. I know some do when they reach middle age but I’m a happy hetero so I’m fine the way I am. Well I finished getting dressed and still had not found anything suitable for my body to do to earn me some money. Then it hit me:         . Errr…it didn’t. I’m still thinking about it but that’s not a good way to end a post so I guess this will be one of those posts without a proper ending. I hope you are able to forgive me ?

Why is it so hard to be polite ?

Right for those not in the mood for a rant this is your last warning !

Ok. This is what makes me slightly angry. I go out to get some nice gift for some people who have listed items they’d like and I send it to them and in return all I expect is a simple thank you. What do I get ? Nothing. Not a word, not a hint, not even a reaction. This tells me to not do anything like this again for any of these people, except for the one person who actually did say thank you and even better seemed to appreciate my effort and the gift I bought.  You know who you are.

My simple question is this: what happened to manners ? Is it really so difficult to thank a person for getting you a gift that you wished to have ? It shouldn’t be but it seems to be.

Over and Out !

Sun sun sun …. summer

Hello hello hello …. I’m back at it again. Just in time. That’s the way it is these days. Everything is supposed to be just in time. So I’m just in time for a new blog post. Or is it just a blog ? Sometimes I’m confused about the terminology of these new social medias. I’m old enough to remember when people actually walked out of the house to meet people in real life instead of in front of a computer screen. I didn’t grow up playing with computers. In fact I was 30 years old before I even owned a computer of my own. So I have had to learn a whole new way of being. Not easy for an old dog, or old cat as I prefer cats over dogs any day of the week and twice on Sundays.  Ok, after all this meaningless introduction I will move on to the important part of today’s message. Just as soon as I figure out what today’s message is. Oh yes. Summer. Sun. Heat. Haven’t been able to do much of anything. Thinking is slow, writing is slow, eating is slow, drinking is a lot and working is slow. Even masturbation is too much of an effort on a sunny hot day so I’ve been laying low in that department for a while. Which is strange considering the amount of beautiful women I see around me every day. No I’m not talking about the internet. At least not only. But there’s no reaction at all. I notice them and how good-looking they are but that’s all. Maybe I’m depressed. I don’t know. I only know I wish I could live in my fridge for a while. But I’ll be whining about the cold and the dark as soon as Winter arrives anyway. Just as much as I’m whining about Summer and heat now. Which means this is not much to read.  One last thing though: I’ve made a few people happy the last few days. That makes me happy, at least it makes me smile. Now I only hope I’ll have some people make me happy too someday, not that I demand it. But it would be nice. Last summer I had a great time in July in one way but my life was falling apart fast. Now I have some control of my financial situation but not much of a social life so I guess I’m not as happy this summer but maybe things will get better later on. Anyway this was all for now. Thank you for reading and hope I didn’t waste too much of your time.

Someday when my ship comes in…

I’ll sail away on it again. Leave this place. Get out and about. Get a life and forget about the past. Find the wind and float. That’s what I would do. That’s what I’m going to do. Just watch me go. Then you can wish for my return. All you want. Because I will be where I want to be. Where the winds will take me. Like I will ever really do it. At least I can dream. That’s worth a lot. At least for me. Right now. Here. Alone. As usual. Story of my so-called life. OK. I’m done. Back to the smiley face and the laughs. You know that nobody likes to see the clown cry even if the tears are the fuel behind all the laugh and smiles. Behind the mask. Behind the falling down and the stumbling. Well, let’s not dive to deep into this depressing subject on a night like this. Keep it simple.

Here’s to you

Yes you. You know who you are. Don’t you ? Anyway I’m writing this to you because you are the reason I write this. See, you have this effect. Rather, seeing you, talking to you, being able to hear you, have this effect. Just imagine which effect knowing you would have upon me . That would be, could be, awesome. Or perhaps the dream of it is more awesome. Imagination can be very effective until reality comes in and sometimes destroys the illusion one has created of your being. However, in your case I don’t fear to be lost in dreams or the building of illusions because you transcend all of that and escape reality at the same time. Besides, whatever and whoever you are in the world outside of this online paradise of illusions, is fine, because we’re not in the real world when we’re online. Or perhaps that’s just an illusion too. You see, I get confused so easily when writing to you, about you, for you. You just have to understand I’m not able to make my words describe you other than the way you appear to me in my mind, in my dream of you. Certainly the real you is always there hidden by the illusion or perhaps the illusion is to think there’s a difference between the two. Maybe there’s only a difference in my perception and not in you. I’m sure that is the case. You are who you are all the time while I build my perfect image of you and who you are and then when I finally happen to see the real you my dream is shattered. That happens only too often and what gets rejected is the reality when the dream is what should be rejected instead. You think I talk too much and say too little. I agree. You are so clever to see that. I always do it. And I often forget about you and go on and on about me, myself and I. That’s the problem with people like me, always thinking we’re so clever and such great thinkers that you will admire us and silently listen to our endless talking. In fact, I should talk less and listen more, listen more to you because I do want to listen, want to know what you have to say, want to learn who you are, what you think and how you feel and why and how and when and where. All of it. Just need to be quiet and let you do the talking. Not so easy because there are so many questions, so much I wish to know. Obsession has taken over. There’s no room for any clear thoughts. Or so it seems. But back to you now. You are such a delight, such a ray of sunshine that I’m almost blinded by you. You. You. If I only knew you. If you only knew me. If knowing is even enough. You should know. You , You, You. Ok, you might not see what I’m trying to say but at least you have seen what you do to me. All of these words because you are on my mind at this very moment. Think of that. You are on my mind. All the time. I’m going to be crazy. You think I am crazy. You are right. Crazy about you and the fact that you’re out of reach and yet so close without even knowing how that affects me. Or maybe you do know. But how does it affect you, is what I don’t know but wish I knew. Rubbish. I am writing this to you so that you’ll know, that’s all I can do. And dream you of course.

The world is a strange place

And it provides no manual to help you find out how it works. If you are lucky you find out by yourself throughout your lifetime. But when you reach that final knowledge it might be too late to make any difference.

Friday….

Which one is it ? Well the jury is still out on that one. However, Friday it is. People with jobs  get fresh dough to spend this weekend. We, I mean, I being without a job, have to make do with what we got left of the social security money we might be lucky to have qualified for. Such is the way of the modern world. To have and have not. Those who have shall have more and those who have not shall have nothing. That’s just  and fair say the people in power. That’s not fair at all, cry the people without power.

Enough of this. Enough of this. There are more pressing affairs to attend to. Like what ? Like how nice it is to meet new people through this internet thingy machinery hookup streaming digital rivers. Oh, that. Indeed.

So have I met any new people. A few. And generally very nice people too. The ones who are not nice I tend to stay away from. All these people boosts my creativity. This blog benefits from it. Now I have started to write and post again after a long time of not having the energy or the motivation. Still I keep true to never have a plan for what to write I always let the words flow freely and try not to censor myself. It works pretty well most of the time. Sometimes the outcome is just rubbish but even then it’s educational. I doubt that most readers understand what the point is with this blog of mine because it violates the rule of being a successful blog: have a single subject and stick to it in your posts. I don’t have a single subject. Unless I count myself and my inner workings as the subject of this blog. Maybe that is the case. Readers should decide, the author does not have the final say in terms of how his creation is understood by the audience. Only possible to set some limits but no more than that.

Weather is rather wet at the moment. Temp is finally above zero degrees and snow starts to melt and creates big puddles of water on the roads. A very mushy weather. No fun to go out but I was out doing some important stuff. Later this evening I’ll be watching the Olympics and maybe look at some chat sites. Do some job searching work as well.

Ok this is the end.

No singing in this rain

Hello everybody ! And if anybody feels like a nobody you are welcome too… No discrimination only is the policy of this blog. Here I write pointless posts about anything, everything and nothing that passes through my brain at times. The impressions and the expressions of the world around my small place on Earth are also allowed to be included in these posts. Sometimes, and often too, these posts tend to start at one idea and end up with another with no connection inbetween. SO if you find this confusing it is only natural and not related to any malfunction of your software, hardware, brain or body. I will not be held responsible for any damage to good faith or bad breath as a result of reading these posts. Should the risk of damage to sense and wit be at hand the reader is instructed to pass out in a suitable location. Whatever my be infringed by these posts is a matter of debate, which in no way excludes the possibility of severe waterboarding being a very serious crime to be taken lightly at any place in time by anyone not aware of it. That said, reading of this post does not exclude your right to be offended but it also includes your right to be amused at any cost. If any cost is attached to the reading of these posts, they are to be paid by the reader at will. No demands will be made from the writer of posts to claim any kind of payment for the entertainment provided. Should a such a claim be made the settlement will take place at dawn in the park behind the statue of the great [name erased due to copyright issues] and be performed in the form of a tomato throwing duel. First to turn into sauce will be lost. At the  end of this hard rained day I will look back and find this rather funny but right now my bottom is dry and my hands are busy. Slight, is the last word to write but not today as it is the first of the last. The last is this.