Last day of February

Today is February 29, a day that does not come along too often. So, in order to remember it, I decided to type some kind of update.  Not really sure what else to write. There’s not a whole lot going on. I miss driving. I feel rather under the weather and I’m in pain too often.

At the office I don’t produce anything of lasting value lately. I see time slipping away and most days I don’t give a damn anymore.  Probably I will get back on my feet eventually but right now I am not. And I don’t really care.

Life is the way it is.

At least the weather is good. Sunny and almost warm.

A good idea

Earlier today I had a good idea for a post. When I got home I had forgotten most  of it. Maybe I’ll write it another day. However, the book I’m currently reading gives me a lot of new ideas of things to write. In a way they’re not really new, just things I remember and recognize about myself and my life when I read about the life of someone else. Certain aspects of the life and personality of Leif  G W Persson are similar to my own experiences and personal traits. It’s not more complicated than that.

Today was a cold and rather bad day. Mostly. Started out with delayed commuter trains and lots of pain from my kidney stones. After getting back home in the early evening I finally started to feel a bit better. Now I only hope tomorrow will  not be as bad as today.

 

Reading

Have recently started to read a book. It’s the autobiography of  famous Swedish author and criminologist Leif G W Persson. The thing I find interesting about the book so far is the way the author describes his personality. The feeling of being a spectator, of being an observer of things from a distance and keeping to himself rather than be in the middle of things. Also the need to be alone in one’s own mind and the desire to read books, all kinds of books. The desire to know and to learn. I can recognize myself in this description.  It’s how I’ve lived my life, or most of it. Always had a desire to observe and always felt a bit detached from the life around me, even when being among friends and while playing games or being in school.

Not always how I wanted it to be, and not always good, but it’s the way I’ve been and the way I am.  I guess what I like about reading Persson’s description of himself is that I don’t have to feel like I’m the only one to have this outlook on life and this way of being. Of course I’ve known a long time I’m not alone but I still like to be reminded of it. Sometimes I still feel alone in being the way I am anyway.

Peace.

Royal baby born in Sweden

Early this morning, local time, a new princess of Sweden was born in Stockholm. Her name will be Estelle.

Now, I’m not a royalist, but I still feel like sharing this piece of information on my blog.

Wishing the newborn welcome to the world and hope she and her parents will have some peace before heading into the media frenzy that has already started.

Simple

Hi, I’m back again. Third time today. Too much too soon.

I have to do something but I don’t know if I should. To  be honest I don’t know if it will help or just make matters worse. Last thing I want to do is make mistakes based on misunderstandings. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I should do something. I just don’t know what. And I’m afraid that doing nothing will be wrong somehow too.  Anyway, this is not a good day. I feel bad and I’ve got pains and I worry too much. Not even music seems to help calm my nerves. I think I will sleep early and hope tomorrow will bring me some idea of what to do. Right now I’m too nervous.

Sorry.

 

 

Sunday face

After shower last night.

Shoes

Used to wear these a few times in the mid-1980s.

Be funny

Be funny? Yes, I should, it would be so good right now. To just tell a few jokes and laugh it up. Shake everything that troubles me. Be a smiling comedian. No one likes the tears of a clown anyway.

Part of me would like to be funny and meet the world with a joke and a laugh. Not be worried or sad. Never angry or confused. Always light of heart and mind. Can’t do it though. Wouldn’t be me.

However,  I do worry that my blog will become very boring if I don’t find something better to write than my thoughts at the moment.

All in my head?

It’s all in my head. I didn’t put it there. Yes, you did. Ok, I did. But I don’t want it there. This thought, this feeling of breaking into pieces of insignificance. I’m a little mixed up, I guess. Not sure what to do, not sure how to think and not sure what I feel. Trying to get myself in line. Straighten myself out. Stop making a chicken farm out of a feather. Stop the thoughts from running away with my sense. Some moments I wish I could let go and just panic for a while. Then I snap back to reality and tell myself I’m such a fool and I need a good smack across the face. I would bang my head through the wall if I could be sure it helps. I’d do anything if I only knew it would help. But since I’ve got no real idea what the problem is I can’t figure out a way to solve it. Of course deep down the problem is in my head. Should I try to lose my head and get a new one? I don’t know. I haven’t got a clue. Only thing I know is that I want to think about other things and feel good. But I can’t.

I know it’s stupid to always do this but it would be even more foolish to deny the way it is. So today is not a good day in the life of MoonieZ. However, I am not asking for pity. All I’m doing is telling it like it is.

I would like to focus all my energy on a friend being ill instead of all this stupidity my mind keeps picking up to throw at me.

Sometimes

Sometimes it’s good to stop and not rush in like a fool. I was about to update this sooner but I’m glad I didn’t. That text would not have been clever if it had been written and published then. At that time I didn’t have all the facts and would have risked jumping to conclusions, the wrong conclusions. Now that the facts are in I am able to write something better.

Yesterday I didn’t do much of anything. I had been awake almost to 6am hoping to have a little fun in a chatroom but instead I spent the night waiting. Needless to say after that adventure I was tired because I slept only about 4 hours before getting up again.  Not much later my mother invited me to have dinner at the local pizza place so we went there in the early afternoon and had some pizza before going grocery shopping and then returning home.

The rest of the evening I spent watching the live broadcast of Whitney Houston’s funeral service online  and later I also watched the third qualifying competition of the Swedish Song Contest on public television.

Before going to sleep I looked around at chatrooms and took a quick look at Chatroulette. I also looked at my Tumblr dashboard. Feeling slightly bored and tired I fell asleep after midnight. Slept well and woke up around 6am then went back to sleep for another 3 hours.

Got up and got dressed at around 9:30am.  Checked Twitter and read some posts. Went out and removed some snow, got the morning paper and returned inside to read it. Got a call from my uncle asking if I would like to go to the theater. I didn’t really feel like it but eventually I said I would go. He had a ticket left over due to another person’s illness and didn’t want it to go to waste.

The play was a production of  Noel Coward‘s Brief Encounter where the live action on stage was integrated with filmed sequences shown on a screen above the stage. It was an entertaining show but I can’t say it was the best I’ve ever seen. At one point I even started to fall asleep which was odd since the play is only about 90 minutes long.

I went to buy some groceries on the way home and got back just as it started to snow. Had dinner and then went to check out the latest news from the online world.

Soon I will have a shower and then I have a few more hours to kill before going to sleep again.  Another weekend over and done.

Peace.