Happy New Year 2012!

Hello,

just a few quick words to my readers and followers of this blog.

It’s the end of 2011 right now. As I’m writing this only 80 minutes remain of the year. I’m not going to tell you what kind of year it’s been for me. If you have followed the blog you already know. If you are new to the blog, you just need to go to the archive and check out the posts from this year. There are a few so it might take some time to read them but then you will also know what this year has been like.

All I really want to do right now is to wish each and everyone of you a Happy New Year 2012! May it be the best one yet!

And to that certain girl I also wish to say: no one can take the place of you.

Peace.

 

 

How to be a friend

I’ve been terrible friend at times. Probably most of the time, because I’ve rarely had any real friends. There, I admitted it. An ugly truth but it needed to be told. I’m not a good friend person. I have tried to learn how to be a good friend but to be honest I am sure I still have a lot to learn in that department.

Anyway, I have had some friends. Still have some people I count as friends in my life.

Today I got an email from one friend, a person who used to be a very good and close friend, for the first time in six months. It made me very happy to read that email. Very happy to know my old friend is still alive and at least living.

The coincidence being I saw that email right after having watched the movie The Social Network about the creation of  Facebook. Since that movie is somewhat about friendship, it got me thinking, especially after reading the email, about my own way of being a friend and how I treat those I call my friends. Not always a  pretty picture.

I’ve not always been there when I should have, I’ve avoided confrontation, I’ve not always been honest about why I haven’t been around and other things like that. I’ve been a coward, I’ve  been selfish. But I’m working on being a better friend.

Because I really want to be a better friend. To all my friends. Because my friends mean a lot to me. More than they know.

Christmas Day 2011

Woke up late on Christmas day after a good night’s sleep. I had the good fortune of going to bed with a smile on my face and a good feeling after a mostly not very happy Christmas eve. Last thing I did before going to sleep was to spend a little time online in a chatroom of a friend. This managed to change my mood for the better and listening to a Christmas story also helped.

After breakfast which was more like lunch I spent my Christmas day in a relaxed manner. While it was still daylight I went for a drive around the neighbourhood and got some groceries. Then I watched some movies – Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Black Swan and Step Brothers. I also started to read the book I got from my brother for Christmas.

In the afternoon I sent a text message to a friend I had not had any news from for at least 6 months. It was only a Christmas greeting and I didn’t expect any reply. However a few hours later I got a reply – a Christmas greeting. This made me smile. Then I thought about sending another message to find out how things are going but I didn’t. Not sure if I should or not. Sometimes it might be better to hold off.

Late in the evening a heavy storm swept  across the countryside. Power went out during the night and most of the following day. Trees fell across the roads, on cars and buildings.
Spent most of my Monday by the window to get enough light to read and heated some food over the fire in the fireplace downstairs. When darkness started to fall, the power came back on and I decided to update my blog.

Will probably spend my evening reading, watching movies and listening to music.

Peace.

 

Rock’n'roll

From the book about Kal P Dal. My brother is the guy to the right.

Christmas dinner 2011

MoonieZ’s traditional Christmas dinner table 2011.  There was boiled ham, sausage, meatballs, pickled herring, mustard, prunes, apple sauce, herring salad, beetroot salad, stockfish, potatoes, bread and Edam cheese.

From my brother

I got this book about the life of Kal P Dal – singer, songwriter and band leader as a Christmas present from my brother who played the drums in this band during the late 1970′s.  I’ve only looked through the book briefly but I have already seen some interesting facts I didn’t know about. It seems Kal P Dal once had a at that point still obscure British band – The Police – open a show for them. Also Kal P Dal’s first album pushed an album by ABBA down from the number one spot on the Swedish charts at some point.

Christmas 2011

Hello.  It’s Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to all my readers and followers of this blog. I hope you all are having a happy holiday season.

I’m not having a good day today, but I will survive.

Have had a lot of arguments with my mother and I feel somewhat depressed. Have felt depressed for a long time.

I thought I had sorted things out at one point but it seems I’ve only imagined I had. My life is not happening and I no longer know what to do. I just want to get away from myself.

Woke up today very early after sleeping badly and having a dream I thought was real. Had a lot to do to prepare for Christmas dinner with my  mother and my oldest brother and his wife.

While I was busy with this and feeling stressed and unhappy I remembered how Christmas used to be when I was growing up and when I was younger.

For many years I looked forward to Christmas. I used to really love seeing my brothers and their families and enjoyed all the food and presents and every other tradition.
Since my father’s death, however, I’ve had a growing feeling of not enjoying Christmas as much. Things changed, people have changed but still everyone seems to cling to the idea of Christmas always being the same traditional celebration as ever before. Only nobody really like it as much anymore. It’s so obvious that its more of a chore than a celebration. No matter that most of the food is no longer cooked from scratch and that we no longer give presents or even have Christmas tree indoors.

Still, I feel bad for not enjoying Christmas as much as before and for not feeling happy but only stressed and tired. Most of all I wish to spend my holiday relaxing and just enjoy some good company, talk, read, listen to music, watch some TV.

I got a book as a Christmas present from my brother the chef/drummer. A book about the leader of the band my brother used to be in during the late 1970′s.  It’s a nice , heavy book and I’m happy to have it but at the same time I feel guilty for not having anything to give in return.

My oldest brother gave me a book for Christmas too. A book about depressions and how to deal with such feelings and problems. I know he cares but still I feel like I’m only a burden to everyone and that I should just cheer up and at least pretend to be happy and without any worries.

The food was good though and I’ve had a lot of it as usual. Same story every year.

Now I hope to enjoy some Christmas peace and then go to sleep.

Don’t know what I’ll be doing tomorrow. As little as possible is my wish.

Peace.

 

Things I used to do, part 4

Before the Internet. Part 4. Made in the early 1990′s.

Things I used to do, part 3

Before the Internet. Part 3. Made in the early 1990′s.

Things I used to do, part 2

Before the internet. Part 2. Made in the early 1990′s.