Christmas songs on the bus

On the bus back home from the office today, the driver had a radio station on that was only playing Christmas songs. I could like the first one because it was Bruce Springsteen’s version of Merry Christmas Baby but then it started to get ridiculous pretty soon as one Christmas tune followed the other. The last one I heard was Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. Even if I like that song, hearing it everyday from the last day of November until Christmas Day makes me slightly annoyed. I usually save those songs for the days around Christmas and try to avoid listening too much before that. Same goes for the traditional Christmas food.

Last day of November

I had a lot of visits to my blog yesterday. Not sure what brought you here but I thank you all for stopping by. Hope there were something worth reading on here. I do my very best to update but sometimes I just don’t have enough energy or time to do it. When I do get around to it I often don’t know what to write when I start but while I write I always seem to come up with something.

Today is the last day of November 2011. One more month then this year will be forever gone. Can’t say I’ll miss it much. I will of course remember a few nice moments but most of the year I’d rather forget asap.

My wish for next year is that it will be better. Somehow. I will try to make it better but I don’t know if my trying will be enough.

Anyway, goodbye November and hello December. I hope it will be a month to remember.

 

Face

Wearing

Sense

Have to start making sense. Too long I’ve been spending my time writing texts that make no sense at all. There was a time when I could make sense. It seems to be long gone. Lately I’m lost in a lot of dreams about something that seems to be so out of reach that I would be better off not even dreaming of it. However without dreams I’m nothing. What’s left is a life of being alive but not living. Doesn’t make sense. I give up.

Sunday sitrep

Weather has been bad all day. Rainy and windy. But the real storms are passing to the north and to the south of my location so not getting too much of them here.  Still not the kind of weather I care to go out in. Still I had to go out early this morning to mail a letter. It was not too bad to drive by the mail box but for the rest of the day I stayed indoors.

I found The Hurt Locker  on dvd at a bargain price at the local superstore and bought it along with some groceries. Then spent the day watching the movie. It was good but not as great as I expected. Still good to have seen it since I’ve seen all other movies directed by Kathryn Bigelow.

My brother stopped by for some coffee in the afternoon.

I had some leftover chicken and potatoes for dinner. Then I had a shower to wash my hair. I really ought to get a haircut soon. After the shower I started watching more episodes from season 4 of NYPD Blue.

As soon as my hair is dry enough I will probably go to sleep as I have to get up early tomorrow to go to the office.

The wrong place

I hear that a lot. That this place or that place is the right or wrong place for something or other. But is that so? And why? In my opinion there is only one place (here) and only one time (now). That’s all there is and all we have in this one life so why don’t we use it instead of talking about when the right/wrong place or the right/wrong time will be for things? What, then, would be the right place and the right time for something? Who decides where and when that is? Is it up to each person to decide or did we all decide this together? Is it always the same? Or did we just at some place in time  construct this idea as a way to deal with the here and now so that each thing can be kept in place in order to make sense and avoid confusion.

In other words did we construct a system of placing things in right or wrong places in order to make sense of the world and our own interaction with and within it? If that is the case then we should also be able to ignore these ideas of right place/time and wrong place/time and just return to the only place we really know we got (here) and the only time (now) and make it a lot easier for ourselves.

However without the shelter of being able to say “this is the right/wrong place/time for this” life becomes a bit difficult to avoid living and things become difficult to avoid dealing with when they actually happen  - which is here and now and not at any other place or time that we have designated for it to occur to better suit us or so that we can avoid dealing with it at all.

Moronic feelings

Sometimes I start to think about all the information about myself I’ve shared with the readers of this blog over the years. Sometimes I look back and read posts I made years ago and ask myself: did I really write that? Did I really feel that way then? Why did  I think I should share that information with the world? What made me think anybody would care? Or even read the text?

Obviously I must have thought somebody would care or at least read what I had written or I wouldn’t have posted it. I probably would have written it but perhaps only to file it away somewhere and forget about ever producing it.

Sometimes I feel very awkward about things I’ve written. Thinking it to be too personal, too private, too intimate to really put out on the internet where nothing ever goes away once its published. However I’m not saying I’m ashamed or regret anything I’ve shared I only feel a bit moronic at times because who am I to presume that anything I have to say really matter at all to anyone except me.

Who cares how I feel and who needs to know how I feel about my friends and who needs to hear about my problems or about my past.

I should have asked myself this before I started this blog of course. To ask now is very moronic I think. Now it’s too late.

Since it’s too late to turn back I have decided that the only way to go is forward which means I will keep posting texts and I will keep sharing my life with the world – or at least with my readers – for as long as I feel like writing.

Just wanted to share this piece of information.

Peace.

Wednesday words

Yes it’s me again. I can’t help it. I have to write. What about, I don’t know. Something or other. I’ve done a lot of writing today. Also did a lot of laundry and some other chores and helped my mother do some shopping and did look for some jobs but without much luck. However, I am not giving up. Someday I’m going to get out of this situation I’m in. Someday I will get myself out of this. Somehow. I’m working on it.

I’m not spending much time at the chatrooms lately. I have started watching movies and TV series instead. One can say I’m taking a break from the cam/chat scene. Been a lot of it for many years now and I think I should take it easy for some time. See if I can find some other things to do in my spare time. Not that I don’t have fun when I chat but I still like to rest now and then and in the past I used to be at more than one place and for the past two years I’ve only been at one place and it starts to get a bit too much.  Also I’ve lost track of many nice people I used to chat to from time to time. Some have left the business some are just gone anyway and others are not around a lot but I still see them when they are. Things change and people change and that’s just how it is.

Today has been a regular Wednesday. Nothing much to say about it. Been watching TV this evening and some episodes of NYPD Blue on dvd. I wonder why I didn’t watch that show while it was new. I guess I never got into it as much as I did Hill Street Blues and L.A. Law but now I find it interesting enough to watch. I’m probably a bit behind the times when it comes to TV shows.

Well I will watch some more and then get to sleep. Another day at the office tomorrow.

Peace.

What’s new in Moonieland?

Ok, time to update on what goes on in the real world of MoonieZ, that is the world outside my head. I know what goes on inside my head. An awful lot of dreaming, mostly about one certain  individual. Very nice dreams and very innocent and pure too, I assure you.

No time to waste. Even though time is something I seem to have a lot of. Maybe time is all I’ve got. Lately I feel like time is running out, though.

WORK  Still nothing new to report. I have applied for a bunch of jobs recently but still haven’t had any word back. I’m working on finding work though. That’s been my “job” for years now.

OFFICE Yes I spend most days at the office along with thirty other people in the same unemployed situation. There I’m working on projects that are supposed to help me get a real job. So far I’ve managed to finish my long overdue bachelor’s degree by writing one small paper that was missing from one of the classes I had taken. It feels good to have got it all done. Remains to be seen what use I can make of having a bachelor’s degree in Cultural Studies and Cinema in my search for a new job. My next project involves blogging and it might also branch out to involve the writing of a book. Time will tell.

MONEY Still paying off debts. The little I have left keeps the roof over my head and food on my table but not much else. However I’m happy to be able to live. That I don’t have much of a life is another matter. It’s all my own fault anyway.

FRIENDS Yes I have some friends. Thanks to the internet I’m not all alone. Well, I used to have friends before the internet too but I still like my internet friends. One of them I don’t see anymore and it has been hard to accept but I’ve moved on. Luckily the friends I still see are really nice and they are all people I care about. One of them I have to admit I really care a lot about. Probably too much at times.

FAMILY I have my mother and my brothers, my uncles and my aunts. My nieces and nephews and my cousins. Family is important and without them I’d be lost.

HEALTH I’m not too ill. Haven’t got much of a stamina though and always think I ought to exercise more but can’t seem to get started. Probably suffer from kidney stones and can’t afford to have my teeth fixed but generally I’m feeling ok. Starting to put on weight again which is not good though. I was glad to have lost some so I’ll just have to start watching how much I eat again. Not always easy as food is one of the few pleasures my life still has left to offer. I know that food has often worked as a substitute for things I want and need in my life but can’t seem to get or have much of. Like love, affection, physical contact, sex.

LOVE  No comment.

FUTURE  Do hope I have a future. The hope of a better tomorrow is what keeps me going.